salparadise Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I'm not buying the 'I don't subscribe to Valentine's Day' excuse whether she chooses to verbalize expectations or not. Women are always going to appreciate, and expect to varying degrees, some romantic gesture that affirms that they are appreciated on V-Day. Guys who fail to understand this are clueless or worse. Of course, I relate to it from the guy's perspective––that it can be quite expensive and that it's designed to exploit relationship insecurities for profit. Nevertheless, how could a man allow this day to pass without doing a few things to make his wonderful girlfriend feel adored and special? If I neglected to for whatever reason, it would make me feel like a narcissistic douchbag. If a guy can be that big of a scrooge it's saying something––and the woman should be listening carefully for what it is exactly. I also think it's BS that it's primarily an expectation that the guy has to do something for the woman. Why should it not be reciprocal? Guys like to be appreciated too, and to hear it expressed occasionally. I have a new gf of about 5 months and I felt that I should make sure she wasn't disappointed, so I did candy, flowers, a nice gift, dinner and live music afterward. I received a card, some candy and she kicked in a few buck on the evening out. It wasn't really equal but I'm not complaining because she didn't just see it as a one way deal. Next time I'll tone it down quite a bit on the spending, but it was my pleasure to make her feel special on our first Valentine's Day.
salparadise Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 what did YOU give him for V-Day since it is oh so important to you? You got an entitlement complex and cold sores, you selfish woman with smelly vagina! Why are you saying such awful things? What's your problem? I think you should go away permanently––let's see what the mods have to say about it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I think it's comical that this is even a discussion...bottom line he just started dating you and this was the very first Valentines day...whether he loathes the day or not (I loathe it) you absolutely do something at least for the gesture that you care about her and that it would make her very happy! This guy obviously doesn't take you that serious, If he did I guarantee you he would have gotten you something. It doesn't take a mind-reader to figure out IF a woman would want something or at least very much appreciate a gesture for Valentines Day that is more than a text....you're not a mind-reader but you're not a fool either...right? This is the kind of guy that is going to put you on the backburner and neglect your needs, I would have replied to his text "Happy Valentines Day to you too! Too bad It's the late one we're having!" I think It's a pity that so many men expect to be held by the hand to do everything and women are learning to adapt to this, makes me feel like I'm working with a bunch of men...It's a pity so many are followers rather than leaders. If you can't figure out a woman's basic needs, then you need to try harder.
chelsea2011 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I think it's comical that this is even a discussion...bottom line he just started dating you and this was the very first Valentines day...whether he loathes the day or not (I loathe it) you absolutely do something at least for the gesture that you care about her and that it would make her very happy! This guy obviously doesn't take you that serious, If he did I guarantee you he would have gotten you something. It doesn't take a mind-reader to figure out IF a woman would want something or at least very much appreciate a gesture for Valentines Day that is more than a text....you're not a mind-reader but you're not a fool either...right? This is the kind of guy that is going to put you on the backburner and neglect your needs, I would have replied to his text "Happy Valentines Day to you too! Too bad It's the late one we're having!" I think It's a pity that so many men expect to be held by the hand to do everything and women are learning to adapt to this, makes me feel like I'm working with a bunch of men...It's a pity so many are followers rather than leaders. If you can't figure out a woman's basic needs, then you need to try harder. Completely agree...well said. @salparadise I agree with what you have said too.
zengirl Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 We talk daily. See each other a few times a week. He tells me how much he likes me, invites me to go on trips with him, I've met his girls, but NOTHING for Valentine's Day but a text message? Really? Should I take this as him not being that into me or what? We went out to dinner last weekend and he brought up how much pressure Valentines day was (almost as if to test my reaction and see if I would let him off the hook... I just asked him why he felt that way, but did not agree or disagree either way. Just listened.) After 4 months, I feel like he should do something. It could be ANY gesture at all. I am not getting any indication that this relationship is progressing in any way. I feel stupid for saying anything and stupid for not saying anything. Silence feels like I am accepting it and saying it's okay, but what can you really say about that. Yes, 2 days later and it's still bothering me. That's really lame. Yes, if V Day is greatly important to you, then you should say something, but to expect a man to get you a card/small token and share the evening with you on V Day, a 'conversation' is not required. Men are not mind-readers, but a man who brought up the 'pressure' of Valentine's Day definitely knows better than to just send a text. Ignorance was not the issue; he just isn't feeling that serious about you or some other issue like that---it's a symptom of something, even if it's just taking you for granted; without more info, I can't say what. Of course, that's assuming you didn't say something in the V day conversation that indicated he could forget the holiday if he wanted. But it says you said nothing (that seems difficult, but I don't know). Christmas, Father's, and Mother's Day remind people of giving gifts to loved ones. Valentine's Day reminds people of corporate greed. It's just the way it is. Valentine's Day isn't any more indicative of corporate greed than those. It's also a reminder to give gifts to loved ones. (And I don't even like the holiday! Nor did hubby get me anything -- it's one of 'his' holidays, so he got the Valentine.)
alphamale Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 after 4 months a card would be indicated assuming you have consummated the relationship
2sunny Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I wouldn't choose to be with a man that makes so little effort - and is only thinking of himself. Good balance indicates someone is thinking of me while I'm thinking of them... Since he's only thinking of himself - that's what you should expect to get for the rest of the time you date him. A selfish man will never really make you feel special.
Squish Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 If it's still bothering you why don't you just talk to him? If you can't communicate properly with your other half about something like this, what hope have you got when something more serious happens?
alphamale Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I wouldn't choose to be with a man that makes so little effort - and is only thinking of himself. Good balance indicates someone is thinking of me while I'm thinking of them... Since he's only thinking of himself - that's what you should expect to get for the rest of the time you date him. A selfish man will never really make you feel special. maybe he didn't have $0.99 for a low-end hallmark?
Star Gazer Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Christmas, Father's, and Mother's Day remind people of giving gifts to loved ones. Valentine's Day reminds people of corporate greed. It's just the way it is. Why? What corporation is benefitting? The grocery store you go to to buy stuff to make them dinner? The candle or bubble bath company that makes the stuff you use to draw your love a romantic bath? The lotion company that makes the lotion you'll use to give your love a massage? The restaurant that you eat at? Expressing love on Valentine's Day is not limited to flowers and chocolate.
alphamale Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Expressing love on Valentine's Day is not limited to flowers and chocolate. indeed, one could just cut out a heart shaped cardboard cut out, fold it in half, write some mushy sheeyot in it and consider it done
Star Gazer Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Christmas, Father's, and Mother's Day remind people of giving gifts to loved ones. Valentine's Day reminds people of corporate greed. It's just the way it is. Why? What corporation is benefitting? The grocery store you go to to buy stuff to make them dinner? The candle or bubble bath company that makes the stuff you use to draw your love a romantic bath? The lotion company that makes the lotion you'll use to give your love a massage? The car wash that you take your love's car to in order to get it spiffy for him/her? The dance hall you take your love to to take a spin around the dance floor? The gods who put the stars in the sky and caused the sun to set that you two watch together from a quiet bluff as you recall an express all the thing you love about each other? The poet who wrote the poetry you'll recite or copy into a handmade card? Expressing love on Valentine's Day is not limited to flowers and chocolate.
Stellar Wench Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I am not getting any indication that this relationship is progressing in any way.He probably isn't either, so that's why he felt a Valentine's Day gift wasn't necessary.
Titania22 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I think it's comical that this is even a discussion... This is a discussion that happens every year here just after valentines day, because is always a disappointed female whose partner did nothing.
MGD3 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I'm curious...what did you get him for valentine's day? OP - I am curious about your answer to this question?
ja123 Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 That's kind of sad. I don't like the 'I don't like Valentines Day therefore.....' excuse. (or Christmas, etc.) I care foremost what my girl thinks about Valentines. It's about being happy to make her happy. She's the same with me. When people are such downers about holidays did they stop and think before expressing this sentiment that their partner might not share it and you are destroying THEIR enjoyment. I don't in particular like going to her parent's place for supper. However, why say this? Why not put on a happy smile and go with the flow. Such a little effort to make the one you love happy. Her father is in his mid 70's and my girlfriend is so happy that we get along together (we'd both rather be at home laying on the sofa). Why shatter her happiness by saying 'I don't feel like it'. There's enough other issues in life to be frank and open about. It's sad we don't put our partner first in things that don't matter a hill of beans. what's so friggen hard about getting a Valentine's card, chocolates and some flowers and giving to her with a smile?...'I don't feel like it'. Well said! and good for you! If two people feel that way and they both make a bit of effort to consider the other then that can be the basis of a wonderful relationship. Consideration afterall!
stillafool Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 What does it matter what's said on the radio and what does that have to do with her situation? It may be the reason he hasn't done anything about V-Day because he is expecting something to be done as well.
stillafool Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 You can't lump everyone in the same category just because its on the radio. I would have been happy to reciprocate in my situation because I enjoy doing things to make the one I care about feel special. The radio has nothing to do with it. I thought you wanted opinions as to why he didn't do anything for you on V-Day. What was said on the radio was from a discussion with a group of men about V-Day expectations. Just wanted to give you the information. Never mind, I see why now.
musemaj11 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) In Japan, On Valentines Day women buy chocolates for men, not the other way around. I love the Japanese. Anyway, its amusing how its always a woman who complains that her partner doesnt get her anything for Valentine's. Self-entitled *******. Edited February 20, 2012 by musemaj11
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