missmarple Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 We talk daily. See each other a few times a week. He tells me how much he likes me, invites me to go on trips with him, I've met his girls, but NOTHING for Valentine's Day but a text message? Really? Should I take this as him not being that into me or what? We went out to dinner last weekend and he brought up how much pressure Valentines day was (almost as if to test my reaction and see if I would let him off the hook... I just asked him why he felt that way, but did not agree or disagree either way. Just listened.) After 4 months, I feel like he should do something. It could be ANY gesture at all. I am not getting any indication that this relationship is progressing in any way. I feel stupid for saying anything and stupid for not saying anything. Silence feels like I am accepting it and saying it's okay, but what can you really say about that. Yes, 2 days later and it's still bothering me.
oaks Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 After 4 months it sounds like you were very passive about (not) discussing plans for Valentine's Day in advance of the day.
maybealone Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 We went out to dinner last weekend and he brought up how much pressure Valentines day was (almost as if to test my reaction and see if I would let him off the hook... I just asked him why he felt that way, but did not agree or disagree either way. Just listened.) After four months, you should have been honest about what Valentine's Day means to you. You set him up for a test, and he failed. I don't say that to be mean. I totally get that if Valentine's Day is important to you, then you want it to be important to him without you having to beat him over the head and spell out exactly what you want. After all, how much fun would a gift or flowers be if you had to tell him you wanted a gift or flowers? Some people just don't like Valentine's Day. He might be one of them. Or maybe he likes it, but couldn't tell by your reaction what you wanted from him and he didn't want to do something that would freak you out. You won't know unless you talk to him about it.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Yes you set up your little test. He failed. Now you have to decide if 4 months of being a good BF can be undone by one day.
TigerCub Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I'm curious...what did you get him for valentine's day? 4
KathyM Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 We talk daily. See each other a few times a week. He tells me how much he likes me, invites me to go on trips with him, I've met his girls, but NOTHING for Valentine's Day but a text message? Really? Should I take this as him not being that into me or what? We went out to dinner last weekend and he brought up how much pressure Valentines day was (almost as if to test my reaction and see if I would let him off the hook... I just asked him why he felt that way, but did not agree or disagree either way. Just listened.) After 4 months, I feel like he should do something. It could be ANY gesture at all. I am not getting any indication that this relationship is progressing in any way. I feel stupid for saying anything and stupid for not saying anything. Silence feels like I am accepting it and saying it's okay, but what can you really say about that. Yes, 2 days later and it's still bothering me. If you are in an exclusive relationship, he should have bought you at least a Valentine and some flowers or some other token gift. But you should not have left this up for chance. When the subject came up about Valentine's Day, that was the time you should have said "We should do something special for that. How about . . ." And then if he was agreeable for your suggestion, you should have offered to make the plans. It seems like women expect men to do everything to plan Valentine's Day and figure out what to buy, etc., and then they are disappointed to find out that the guy doesn't do anything for it or think it's a big deal at all. You have to communicate to men that you would like to celebrate and make some suggestions and firm up plans beforehand, rather than leaving it all to him to decide and then being disappointed when he thinks it's not a big deal. If you wanted to celebrate, you should have suggested something beforehand.
Alex DeLarge Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 He probably thought you would think of him as "clingy" for doing one nice thing with you, just like the majority of egocentric western women. So he didn't. That way, you would not freak out and "run for the hills" and you can both continue getting laid. Seems logical to me, I did the same thing. Except I told the girl "I don't want to do any valentine's day crap, but come over my place." Got laid and had a great time.. No money wasted, no sappy sentimental feelings, no "running for the hills".
xpaperxcutx Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 He probably thought you would think of him as "clingy" for doing one nice thing with you, just like the majority of egocentric western women. So he didn't. That way, you would not freak out and "run for the hills" and you can both continue getting laid. Seems logical to me, I did the same thing. Except I told the girl "I don't want to do any valentine's day crap, but come over my place." Got laid and had a great time.. No money wasted, no sappy sentimental feelings, no "running for the hills". Oh please... This guy is not " clingy". He's testing her to see if SHE was. OP is he divorced? Does he have hangups about the ex? My guess is this guy isn't ready to jump into serious territory. Guys have the capability of treating you like you're their one and only but their actions never really match their feelings. Ask any guy who is in the FWB position.
xisnotx Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 A text? lol I sent a girl who I dated once like 6 months ago a v day text because I thought she'd appreciate it...and she did...haven't even seen her in ages.
Onlyjonley Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 There should have been better communication on the matter. I brought up the subject of V-Day to my boy a few weeks ago. I told him how I felt about it and that I was getting him a gift...just so we'd be on the same page, and so he wouldn't be caught off guard since it was our first V-Day. As much as we'd like our boys to just know what we want and expect, it's not going to happen. Be open.
FitChick Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I hate Valentine's Day myself Seems so forced. The only thing I like about it is the candy and always request a box of the best quality imported chocolates. The men are quite happy to get off that cheaply! 2
Star Gazer Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Valentine's Day shouldn't be any more forced than Mother's Day or Father's Day or even Christmas (particularly for those who don't celebrate the holiday as "the birth of Christ"). It's a day to celebrate the one you love/care about. Did he send a mere "Merry Christmas!" text too, instead of sharing the day with you?
veggirl Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 He TOLD you he doesn't like Vday. And you didn't tell him that it is important to you. See the difference. He didn't want to celebrate, and he told you. You did want to celebrate, and you didn't tell him. Come on. Dump him if Vday is THAT important to you, I guess. But if it was THAT important, you should have told him so. 2
chelsea2011 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 (edited) We talk daily. See each other a few times a week. He tells me how much he likes me, invites me to go on trips with him, I've met his girls, but NOTHING for Valentine's Day but a text message? Really? Should I take this as him not being that into me or what? We went out to dinner last weekend and he brought up how much pressure Valentines day was (almost as if to test my reaction and see if I would let him off the hook... I just asked him why he felt that way, but did not agree or disagree either way. Just listened.) After 4 months, I feel like he should do something. It could be ANY gesture at all. I am not getting any indication that this relationship is progressing in any way. I feel stupid for saying anything and stupid for not saying anything. Silence feels like I am accepting it and saying it's okay, but what can you really say about that. Yes, 2 days later and it's still bothering me. Hey, don't beat yourself up. Sometimes, it's the element of surprise that's nice...ya know? I don't blame you for being upset. So you didn't say anything...so what! It would have been nice if he surprised you with a simple gesture or token. A text just sucks. My most recent never sent anything more than a text...ever. I did nice little things to surprise him at times, when we saw each other, but I never got anything like that from him in return. As a matter of fact, when I brought up how it bothered me a few times, he would make empty gestures and NEVER followed through. So yeah, I understand how you feel and think you have every right to be upset. I would be too. Your reason probably runs deeper than what others think. If you have a communicating relationship then you should just explain how it made you feel. In my case, I won't even bother because it wouldn't do any good anyway. He would make more empty gestures that he has no intention following through on...so why bother? I'm not going to grovel for crumbs from anyone. He can go elsewhere for that. Edited February 16, 2012 by chelsea2011
stillafool Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 What did you get him for Valentine's Day? I heard on the radio yesterday that men are getting tired of feeling that the woman should be the only one to get something on Valentine's Day. 1
chelsea2011 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 That's kind of sad. I don't like the 'I don't like Valentines Day therefore.....' excuse. (or Christmas, etc.) I care foremost what my girl thinks about Valentines. It's about being happy to make her happy. She's the same with me. When people are such downers about holidays did they stop and think before expressing this sentiment that their partner might not share it and you are destroying THEIR enjoyment. I don't in particular like going to her parent's place for supper. However, why say this? Why not put on a happy smile and go with the flow. Such a little effort to make the one you love happy. Her father is in his mid 70's and my girlfriend is so happy that we get along together (we'd both rather be at home laying on the sofa). Why shatter her happiness by saying 'I don't feel like it'. There's enough other issues in life to be frank and open about. It's sad we don't put our partner first in things that don't matter a hill of beans. what's so friggen hard about getting a Valentine's card, chocolates and some flowers and giving to her with a smile?...'I don't feel like it'. I completely agree. Thanks for posting your thoughts...you're girl is a very lucky woman. And it also sounds like you're a lucky man too. Best wishes. That's so nice! 1
chelsea2011 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 What did you get him for Valentine's Day? I heard on the radio yesterday that men are getting tired of feeling that the woman should be the only one to get something on Valentine's Day. You can't lump everyone in the same category just because its on the radio. I would have been happy to reciprocate in my situation because I enjoy doing things to make the one I care about feel special.
Fondue Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Men are not mind readers. He shared with you what he thought of V-day (as most men do too, not many of us care for it). You didn't share what you felt about it. So he didn't act upon it-- accordingly. You failed to specify it was important to you, even after he stated his opinions, so he safely assumed he was in the clear. I don't see how you can be upset about this. The more you communicate your feelings, the better the relationship will be. Mind reading isn't a talent many men (and women) have. 3
chelsea2011 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I don't agree that men aren't mind readers in this case. Sometimes it's just cold to state a dislike for something like vday when you don't know how the other person feels about it yet. "Men aren't mind readers" is a cop out in this case. Sometimes a guy has to look at how it's going to make the woman feel and choose his battles. If she told him she liked it after he expressed his dislike, then any gesture frm him would have appeared forced. What the hell is wrong with someone just getting over themselves and surprising the one they are with? 1
Fondue Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I don't agree that men aren't mind readers in this case. Sometimes it's just cold to state a dislike for something like vday when you don't know how the other person feels about it yet. "Men aren't mind readers" is a cop out in this case. Sometimes a guy has to look at how it's going to make the woman feel and choose his battles. If she told him she liked it after he expressed his dislike, then any gesture frm him would have appeared forced. What the hell is wrong with someone just getting over themselves and surprising the one they are with? How was he supposed to know she felt a certain way? He was wondering how she felt about the whole thing, she did not give him a direct reply indicating her stance on the issue, so he safely assumed he was in the clear. Like I said, many of us choose to make february the 14th to be like any other day of the week, and we treat it as such. He is one of those men. If she does not like that, then she has only two options: a) deal with it. b) dump him. But one thing she can't be is to be upset with him. He was not given a clear indication, so he kept it tame. Next time you want something, communicate it. 3
neowulf Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Eh, I've just started seeing a new girl and I cooked her a romantic candle lit dinner, with chocolates and nice wine. Is it really such a big deal to make a little effort for someone you care about? It was a great excuse to pull out the stops and do something nice for her, so I did. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Valentine's Day shouldn't be any more forced than Mother's Day or Father's Day or even Christmas (particularly for those who don't celebrate the holiday as "the birth of Christ"). It's a day to celebrate the one you love/care about. Did he send a mere "Merry Christmas!" text too, instead of sharing the day with you? Christmas, Father's, and Mother's Day remind people of giving gifts to loved ones. Valentine's Day reminds people of corporate greed. It's just the way it is.
123321 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 It was a great excuse to pull out the stops and do something nice for her, so I did. I don't require an excuse to pull out all the stops and do nice things for my GF.
Titania22 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Christmas, Father's, and Mother's Day remind people of giving gifts to loved ones. Valentine's Day reminds people of corporate greed. It's just the way it is. I think all those things remind me of corporate greed. Valentines Day just reminds me that I am single. 1
phineas Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Men are not mind readers. He shared with you what he thought of V-day (as most men do too, not many of us care for it). You didn't share what you felt about it. So he didn't act upon it-- accordingly. You failed to specify it was important to you, even after he stated his opinions, so he safely assumed he was in the clear. I don't see how you can be upset about this. The more you communicate your feelings, the better the relationship will be. Mind reading isn't a talent many men (and women) have. I tell women I start dating that I am not a mind reader. That i don't speak in body language, sighs, or "the look" If they do not vocalize a problem I act there is none (even if I know there is one) If they want to sit & pout because I've committed some offence & "should know what I did" instead of just telling me,.....they can do it alone because I really do have other things I could be doing. If by some miracle they tell me what's wrong, if I feel an apology is due, I will give it. They can either take it or leave it but I will not jump through hoops to make things right because honestly, if I did something so horrible why would you even still be with me? 3
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