worldgonewrong Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 worldgonewrong- did your wife give you any reasons? My husband is not the same man I married anymore. And it is so hard for me to believe because it was such an abrupt change. He used to be a fantastic husband. How are you coping? Anything help? My wife painted me black and dredged up bits & pieces of old arguments to make her look like the most victimized, abused person on the planet. And all communication died. Cold shoulder to even less. She unloaded all of her unhappiness on me at ONE MC session, and it was like the therapist was rubberstamping the demise of our long marriage. I was floored. Still am...that one can just walk away like that. I copped to every wrong/sin I've ever done, and she regarded herself as perfect. I cope by praying a lot. Also by trying to distract myself with reading, creating music, seeing friends/relatives. But the pain never ends. It subsides and then comes back at me like a tsunami.
coopster Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 It is hard to think I will ever be happy again. I am turning forty in a few months and have to restart my life I turned 41 last month. Life begins at 40 ( so they say!!! ) . In your case it can be true . I`m sure it is hard to believe that you`ll ever be happy again. But you will. Has your husband shown any signs of improving?
macmillerpwnz Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 I understand what you are saying about the other spouse being "perfect". My STBXW acts like she is the most perfect person ever and tries to blame our marriage on me even her cheating she blamed on me. I have admitted all my faults and wanted to reconcile and work it out but she continues to blame me and act like everything I have done has destroyed everything already and is too late.. but she never apologized for anything she has done or made me feel... It sucks because I wanted her back so bad I was willing to take all the blame.. and now that she is finally leaving for good.. I feel like everything is my fault because this whole time I have been the only one admitting things and trying to make it work.. it sucks...
Author eandemom Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 No signs of improving. We are really living apart in the house at this point. He works nights and I work days so we rarely see each other. Any overlap is spent splitting parenting time (I take a weekend and then he does) He is living in the basement and I have the bedroom. We go next Monday to a mediator to start the divorce process. And hopefully I will be able to get him to move out after that meeting. It is too stressful sharing the house even though we don't see each other much. And if this is my new life I want to get moving on it. But it sucks. And it is so hard to believe it is over. And with him eventually moving out there will be new financial hardships. I am the bread winner by far. I make about 4x the money he does. But I can't afford the house we own by myself. And he barely makes enough money to afford an apartment that could accommodate any over nights with our 3 kids. It is going to be messy and ugly. I try to do things to cope (go out with friends, excercise, tv) but the sadness always is there. Hopefully time will help.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I am truly devastated. My husband and I of almost 18 years are separating. We have 3 school aged children together. For the last 3 years we have been trying to work on our marriage after he told me he did not feel in love with me anymore. I listened to his issues and tried to comprise but he will not let go of the past grudges. We also went to 2 marriage counselors who basically said the marriage will not improve unless he works on himself. I believe in never giving up on marriage unless there are extenuating circumstances. It is hard to believe it is over. And I am having a really hard time dealing with it. Crying all the time and barely being able to function at work and as a mother. I keep searching for other ideas on how to work on the marriage but can’t come up with anything. He is willing to stay married and live as roommates but I am too much of a romantic for that. I want someone who wants me. We have our first mediation appointment in a little over a week. It makes me sick to think about it. I got the same speech too. I'm not in love with you anymore. I also believed that that you don't give up. She didn't want to give counseling a honest chance for a good while. We were married for 11 years and together for 13 years. I know your pain. We have an 8 year old son. I'm remember crying at work and barley functioning. Divorce is the worst thing IMO a person can experience. Death isn't this hard to deal with. It's even harder when children are involved. I would suggest trying Mort Fortel's marriage saver program. Google him. I wanted to try his program, but didn't get the chance. Please use these message boards for advice. It has been helpful to me plus seeing a counselor has helped me to get thru my divorce. I wish you luck.
Author eandemom Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 I agree, this is like a death. It was a really hard week leading up to the meeting with the mediator. Filled with lots of tears, in fact I cried the second I walked in the mediator's office and teared up most of the meeting. I talked to my husband and we agreed to go to counselor #3 before we divorce. I don't have high expectations given the past 2 experiences. But I am hoping at minimum the counselor can help us figure out what to say to the kids and also help us figure out a living situation for now. And in an ideal world we are able to work on our issues.
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