Why am i feeling this way?

[Bito]

I guess ill start off with some background before I ask why.

 

I dated this girl for a year and a half. She was my first love. Our relationship was amazing. I had promised to marry her and we planed our lives together. Problems eventually developed because she went to school out of state. I was going to school here at home and working full time. So seeing her often become difficult. Long story short she met a guy at school and she cheated on me for quite some time behind my back. I found out threw an anonymous email about it and confronted her. She denied it fiercely but eventually admitted to it. I broke it off.

 

About a month later I was feeling extremely weak and i called her asking for her back. She said no she loves the new guy. The guy who she was seeing while dating me.

 

I worked very hard over the next 8 months on getting over what happened and trying to better myself as a person. I thought I was over her. I was happy for some time until recently.

 

I lost my job and I also have a restricted license so I am unable to drive anywhere. So this leaves me at home all day with just me and my thoughts.

 

Now I just found out some news. A mutual friend told me that my ex just broke up with the new guy. The friend also mentioned that shes upset because she knows I was the one and she ****ed it up. The feeling i get from this is more then uncomfortable. Its very unsettling how much this news has impacted me.

 

I don't know if its because im alone all day and have nothing better to think about or because I still have feelings for her but i cant get her out of my mind now. Part of me wants to call her because I know she wont call me. I told her to never contact me again and that i hated her.

 

But my sane side tells me who ****ing cares? I know it would be a terrible idea to act on any itch i might have.

 

I know the right answer is to forget about it and let it go...

 

Just feels good to talk about it i guess...

[Philosoraptor]

It's funny how when one relationship ends the natural rection for many is to jump to whatever feels safe. But she is a cheater, cheated on you, and was not mature enough to end the relationship before sleeping with another. You know it would be a bad idea to get back with this girl as more than likely she would be using you to get over her current relationship... then leave (or cheat again) when she is healed.

 

I'd suggest finding some volunteer organizations help with so that you can keep busy.

 

Odds are she will make contact and try to bring up all of the good things and say she misses you. A good response would be "I am sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. I hope you take the time to heal properly."

[Bito]

Thank you for your response.

 

You are right about everything you said. I hope you are wrong about her calling though...