Patricia09 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Hi My boyfriend and I have been going out nearly 2 years. We live together and in general extremely happy. Lately though we are fighting a lot nearly every night for the last week. We make up then something triggers a fight again. He thinks I don't trust him because I was honest with him about my insecurities lately and I feel like he is now using it against me. Tonight we were having a night in and he was showing me something when his email flickered up a message from a girl he sometimes works with with the subject "So good to see you again today". I asked him if she was still working with him which led to him rolling his eyes and going off on one at me. I explained to him I only was asking the question and why did it have ot spark off this reaction. To which his response was that I was lieing and that I didnt trust him and thats why I was asking about her and not to bring her up again. I feel at a loss, I am honest about my insecurities which sometimes I do have but I feel like I now cant have a normal discussion with my partner without him expecting the worst of me and thinking I am lying about my intentions. We are at this moment in separate rooms next to each other in our house together and I am writing this in despair at what seems to have become of our relationship and this guy who I saw my future with. I feel like my insecurities are always being blamed for any argument and I have had enough of being made to feel like this crazy person as alll it is doing is making me feel even lower. Any help would be great. P
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 If he was kind and loving - he would show you all correspondence - especially with women. But he gets angry at you and secretive? That's not loving behavior. Ae you sure he's not hiding something? He acts as if he has something to hide. People that have nothing to hide - don't hide things. Ya get what I'm saying? Seems the email from the gal triggered him to get defensive... Seems he's seen her "again". Just pointing out the obvious...
Author Patricia09 Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 Thanks for the response. She works for his business partner (does his accounts etc) he and his business partner now share an office and I was asking if she was now working there too. I just wish he would answer me in an understanding way and I would feel safe to ask him questions without him getting so defensive about my "jealousy" and that I "dont trust him". I guess its hard to have that balance, right now I wish I never asked and I wish I never wrote him that letter about my insecurities etc. It feels like I have opened a side of myself up to him that I never have with anyone before and all it has done is made things much worse in our relationship. I seem to have to be this amazingly confident girl with no issues in order for this relationship to work
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Thanks for the response. She works for his business partner (does his accounts etc) he and his business partner now share an office and I was asking if she was now working there too. I just wish he would answer me in an understanding way and I would feel safe to ask him questions without him getting so defensive about my "jealousy" and that I "dont trust him". I guess its hard to have that balance, right now I wish I never asked and I wish I never wrote him that letter about my insecurities etc. It feels like I have opened a side of myself up to him that I never have with anyone before and all it has done is made things much worse in our relationship. I seem to have to be this amazingly confident girl with no issues in order for this relationship to work This shows evidentnthats it's not a good match. You shouldn't have to hide who you really are to date someone. He's being a total dork - and when I'm honest - he acts like he's cheating.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I showed all my insecurities in my last R and it was a horrible mistake. Even good partners will use them against you, it's just human nature. Whenever I was in a bad mood, he would think that I am insecure/jealous of someone (most of the time I truly wasn't, I was in a bad mood for other reasons). This in itself sparked a fight every time. Keep a lid on them as much as possible.
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