frozensprouts Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 ( I only read your first post, so please accept my apologies if I say something that does not apply or has already been said) you are having an emotional affair, and if/when your wife finds out, she may well be every bit as hurt as she would be if you had been in a physical affair. It sounds like you have some issues, none of which, taken alone, are very big, but if you put them all together, they can seem huge. but having this emotional affair will not help anything....if you are so unhappy, then end your marriage. If you aren't willing to do that, then you need to stop cheating and start working on your marriage. If that comes to nothing, then at least you will know you have tried your best. (BTW...when did your wife start to seem so bad? Was it before or after you met this other woman? I'm asking because it's really common for spouses who meet someone else to start seeing the marriage as being much much worse than it was)
Lauriebell82 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 (edited) Kissing is still cheating..doesn't matter if you haven't slept together yet, it's just a matter of time. I would advise AGAINST the weekend getaway..that is just a disaster waiting to happen. I also would agree with the other posters that it sounds like you started to get more down on your wife after you met with woman. The grass is always greener...Most of what this sounds like is just pure excitement of the affair. Is it REALLY love, or just infatuation? This OW sounds great in theory, but what would she be like MARRIED to. It's possible she will display similar characteristics and behaviors (which DON'T sound all that bad either btw) to your wife and then you will be thinking, "what the f did I do?" Think about that... Edited February 17, 2012 by Lauriebell82
2sunny Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I have otld my wife how I feel and we get a long for maybe two weeks then its back to the same ole same ole for a fe wmonths or until I say something again Since you haven't told her your truth - she still doesn't understand what's REALLY going on! When you get completely honest is when she will understand if she intends to make effort in this M or not. Honesty WOULD look like: Honey, I've been spending time and energy for 5years flirting with a young gal. Now I'm comparing the "high" I get from this young thing to you - and now you're not looking so hot to ME. So I intend to go bang this hot thing and I want your permission... You ok with that? THAT would be your truth!
The Blue Knight Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 It's possible that Mustang is doing what many married individuals do. They see their spouse in a negative light when something better comes along. Up until that time, they simply settle. BUT, if he is indeed being truthful that his wife is a control freak and an everlasting nag, and he had these thoughts and concerns well before the younger woman came along and he can truthfully admit that to himself then I think we need to cut the man some slack. That's nearly impossible to live with whether you're a man or a woman. It wears you down and your the shadow of what you were after a few years of listening to it day in and day out. I watched someone close to me do this to her husband and it was brutal. She was on his case 24/7 and he was effectively emasculated because of it. I'm not kidding when I say that he was afraid to have a thought of his own without her approval, that's how bad it got! Finally, something better came along and he jumped ships and never looked back. We could all see it coming for years and even warned her to go easier on her husband, but she wouldn't listen to anyone and even stated out loud, "Oh, he'd never leave me or divorce me." Those words have come back to haunt her today.
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 50 years and still stupid. I understand that things are not great with your wife and that she is selfish. But from what you tell me about the 30 year old, she's no better!!! Asking for advice about her relationship and about purchasing a house, playing the little helpless woman, you are SO being played. Focus on your marriage, see if you can improve it and if not, divorce. And then, only then, you can look for another woman and make a good choice this time by going for a woman who truly loves you instead of using you.
giotto Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 LOL. I chuckled myself when the OP claimed to be 'in love' with a young woman he kissed once and their primary mode of communication has been via text. You expect this nonsense out of a teenager, not a 50 year old mid-life crisis man. Mustang, this is ALL about your ego. I've lost count of how many times you've had to tell us how GORGEOUS your wife and how GORGEOUS your 30 year old text-penpal-girlfriend is. You're friggen 50 years old. How about ACTING like it instead of a hormonal teenager who has to brag to everyone in the locker room about his prowess in attracting GORGEOUS women? Beg pardon, but your midlife crisis is showing. I think you all are being a bit harsh with the OP... he is in unhappy marriage and it's normal to fall for somebody who makes you feel appreciated and alive. Having said that, as I mentioned before, he should do the right thing and divorce his wife first if she thinks his marriage is over...
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 I think you all are being a bit harsh with the OP... he is in unhappy marriage and it's normal to fall for somebody who makes you feel appreciated and alive. Having said that, as I mentioned before, he should do the right thing and divorce his wife first if she thinks his marriage is over... That sounds like a justifcation for cheating..just saying... But yeah, I agree that he needs to divorce his wife first. Unfortunately most cheaters don't do that. The OP is headed for a very dangerous road here...
frozensprouts Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 like so many threads on here, we are only getting his side...I wonder what his wife's side of the story is? Maybe she's not nearly as bad as the OP is making her out to be, maybe she's worse....we don't know. Sometimes guys ( and women) in an affair will look for reasons to excuse their behavior because of guilt, etc., so the rationalize it ( mostly to themselves) by taking every issue they've ever had with their spouse and magnifying it 100X. The one time she asked him not to do somethings becomes "she never lets me do it", and on it goes. I don't think it's even done on a conscious level...it just happens. Not saying for sure this is what is happening here, but the OP would be well srrved by giving this notion some consideration. If this other woman wasn't there to "catch him" would he still want out of his marriage?
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 like so many threads on here, we are only getting his side...I wonder what his wife's side of the story is? Maybe she's not nearly as bad as the OP is making her out to be, maybe she's worse....we don't know. Sometimes guys ( and women) in an affair will look for reasons to excuse their behavior because of guilt, etc., so the rationalize it ( mostly to themselves) by taking every issue they've ever had with their spouse and magnifying it 100X. The one time she asked him not to do somethings becomes "she never lets me do it", and on it goes. I don't think it's even done on a conscious level...it just happens. Not saying for sure this is what is happening here, but the OP would be well srrved by giving this notion some consideration. If this other woman wasn't there to "catch him" would he still want out of his marriage? I agree, and as I said in a previous post also, the OW right now is not asking him to do anything, nagging him, expecting things of him. But once she starts doing that, then what? Maybe THEN he'll realize his wife isn't as bad as he thought.
Recommended Posts