mustangfever Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I have been married for 14 years and all of the kids are out of the house. This I s my second marriage. I really loved this woman for the first 8 years and the past 6 I am gradually falling out of love with her. We were best friends and lovers and still have some good times but my love for her has left. She is a gorgeous woman and 9 years younger than I but she is always telling me what to do just like a second mother. It drives me crazy. I will try to list a few things that she does that have driven me away from her. We own a business and we are around each other 24/7. We get along fine and can cut up but she has to be the center of attention at all times. She is even jealous over my daughter and I which is ridiculous. When we ride in the car I can't play music anymore, she says it bothers her, she is always correcting me, for example I was cooking tonight and she asked me how much longer, I told her ten minutes and she said think it’s done, take the chicken out of the oven, I told her no it had ten more minutes to go and it was a big argument. She always is concerned with her weight and I am always telling her she looks great but weighs herself every day and goes from one diet to the next and expects the family to do the same as her. It drives me crazy What hurts me the most is she does not like foreplay at all. Every once in a while but 98% of the time she wants for me to get on top, get her wet, trade places so she can get on top cum and go to sleep. I ask for foreplay all the time and she just does not like it. Now, she used to like it all the time but it’s like she can care less now. She thinks our sex life is awesome and I think it sucks. She is perfectly happy in our marriage and I am not. Okay here it comes, I have chatted with a younger woman on and off for the past 5 years. She is very sexy, now 30 and gorgeous. BTW I am 50. She says age is just a number but it bothers me and I wonder why she finds me so attractive. Now, I am in very good shape, athletic, work out 3 to 5 days a week and do cardio. If she had relationship issues when would text me to get advice. I met her through one of my sons. He use to work with her. Anyway it has always been perfectly innocent. Last week she asked me to meet her for a glass of wine so I lied to my wife and told her I had a dinner meeting and went to meet her. She only wanted advice on buying a home and telling me about a bad relationship she was in which had been over for 6 months. I text her on and off maybe a 20 times a month. Some more some less. Anyways after we had a few glasses of wine we went for a walk and started talking small talk, the next thing I knew I found myself looking into her eyes and kissing her. I was scared and told her I needed to go home. All the way home all I could think about was that kiss and I figured she probably realized it was a mistake and that would be the end of it. 3 weeks later and texting every night about our feelings about each other and just day to day stuff we found ourselves saying I love you and both of us were relived to say it. We are planning to meet this weekend for a getaway and I am already talking about a divorce because I want to be with this woman. What do you all think about the current situation; hit me hard if you think I deserve it. If not, let me know what I should do. For the past 3 weeks she is all I think about. When I wake up in the middle of the night she is on my mind, all day at work, in my car, I mean 24/7 Just looking for some advice
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I have been married for 14 years and all of the kids are out of the house. This I s my second marriage. I really loved this woman for the first 8 years and the past 6 I am gradually falling out of love with her. We were best friends and lovers and still have some good times but my love for her has left. She is a gorgeous woman and 9 years younger than I but she is always telling me what to do just like a second mother. It drives me crazy. I will try to list a few things that she does that have driven me away from her. We own a business and we are around each other 24/7. We get along fine and can cut up but she has to be the center of attention at all times. She is even jealous over my daughter and I which is ridiculous. When we ride in the car I can't play music anymore, she says it bothers her, she is always correcting me, for example I was cooking tonight and she asked me how much longer, I told her ten minutes and she said think it’s done, take the chicken out of the oven, I told her no it had ten more minutes to go and it was a big argument. She always is concerned with her weight and I am always telling her she looks great but weighs herself every day and goes from one diet to the next and expects the family to do the same as her. It drives me crazy What hurts me the most is she does not like foreplay at all. Every once in a while but 98% of the time she wants for me to get on top, get her wet, trade places so she can get on top cum and go to sleep. I ask for foreplay all the time and she just does not like it. Now, she used to like it all the time but it’s like she can care less now. She thinks our sex life is awesome and I think it sucks. She is perfectly happy in our marriage and I am not. Okay here it comes, I have chatted with a younger woman on and off for the past 5 years. She is very sexy, now 30 and gorgeous. BTW I am 50. She says age is just a number but it bothers me and I wonder why she finds me so attractive. Now, I am in very good shape, athletic, work out 3 to 5 days a week and do cardio. If she had relationship issues when would text me to get advice. I met her through one of my sons. He use to work with her. Anyway it has always been perfectly innocent. Last week she asked me to meet her for a glass of wine so I lied to my wife and told her I had a dinner meeting and went to meet her. She only wanted advice on buying a home and telling me about a bad relationship she was in which had been over for 6 months. I text her on and off maybe a 20 times a month. Some more some less. Anyways after we had a few glasses of wine we went for a walk and started talking small talk, the next thing I knew I found myself looking into her eyes and kissing her. I was scared and told her I needed to go home. All the way home all I could think about was that kiss and I figured she probably realized it was a mistake and that would be the end of it. 3 weeks later and texting every night about our feelings about each other and just day to day stuff we found ourselves saying I love you and both of us were relived to say it. We are planning to meet this weekend for a getaway and I am already talking about a divorce because I want to be with this woman. What do you all think about the current situation; hit me hard if you think I deserve it. If not, let me know what I should do. For the past 3 weeks she is all I think about. When I wake up in the middle of the night she is on my mind, all day at work, in my car, I mean 24/7 Just looking for some advice You may want to clue your wife in on what your plan is - that way she can understand that you are not the man she THOUGHT she married. But that would take honesty on your part... So I guess it's out... But THAT kind of honesty may actually save the marriage! Try it!
Author mustangfever Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 (edited) I have been honest with my wife and told her how I feel. She tells me one thing and then does the opposite. She tells me she loves me but her actions are different. I show her love. Everytime I try to speak to her about a situation she sees it as a fight. Her routine is go to work from 8-3, come home put on pjs and sit in the chair until time for bed. I need more than that. I want to be honest with her. I want to be happy. I mean ... come on, I cant even put on the radio in the car and listen to music, not rock, nor country nothing and it is like that everyday Edited February 16, 2012 by mustangfever
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Really? You told your wife you're screwing this OW - and that you're planning to spend family money to take her away for a weekend of raw sex? You told her that?
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I bet you didn't have complaints about how inadequate your wife was - until you started focusing so much energy on your OW. Keeping ONE woman is hard enough - but now you have to keep two women happy at the same time... It's kind of a drain isn't it? Guess who you get to blame - your wife? ... No silly - its only YOUR fault!
Author mustangfever Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 Really? You told your wife you're screwing this OW - and that you're planning to spend family money to take her away for a weekend of raw sex? You told her that? no none of that. I have told her how I feel and she does not seem to wanty to make it any better. I have not screwed anyone as of yet either, I kissed her nothing more
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 no none of that. I have told her how I feel and she does not seem to wanty to make it any better. I have not screwed anyone as of yet either, I kissed her nothing more Ya may want to tell your W what the big plans are for the weekend. Since you claim to be honest with her - start proving just how honest you are.start by telling her you've been spending time and energy on this OW for a long time. For the record - honesty has one form - the whole truth! That means: No lying by omission No half truths No changing the subject when she asks a question No avoiding No silence when she needs details Your truth! Otherwise there isn't a marriage if you can't give her your truth! So - IF you don't give her your truth right now - you have participated in ruining your M by with holding information that could save it. It's up to you - you are either a man of honor from here forward - or you are a man who plotted the demise of his marriage by staying silent.
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 no none of that. I have told her how I feel and she does not seem to wanty to make it any better. I have not screwed anyone as of yet either, I kissed her nothing more How you "feel?" What - that you get hard for a young thing pining after you? That she makes you FEEL important? That she makes you FEEL special? That she feeds your big ego? Did you tell your wife that's how you FEEL? I bet not! Get honest!
Author mustangfever Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 I am sorry but you are funny with some of your comments, really gave me a good laugh. okay, I do not have a ten inch penis and I have money and I could care less about losing 50% of everything to be happy. My son is married and not intersted in this girl and I am sure I could get a hooker but thats not my style so you think I should just tell me wife off and treat her like a second class citizen, not my style but you are funny 8 years is a long time. It takes a conscious effort by both of you to keep things alive. LOL "she tells me what to do" so what? If she keeps yammering on about something and won't be quiet, just sit there and let her rant on and on until she's finished. Then you look her in the eye and say "Is that everything you wanted to tell me?" You said she's a gorgeous woman, what did you expect? They're generally immature self centered ego maniacs, surely you were aware of that when you married her. You thought she would grow out of it but she didn't. That's who she is. No it's not ridiculous at all, that's exactly how women behave around another woman that they perceive as a younger more attractive competitor for your affection. The fact that it's not sexual with your daughter makes no difference. How can someone who has been married twice with at least one daughter be this clueless about the workings of the female mind? You are the alpha male and your wife is compelled to compete with your daughter for your attention. So? How does that stop you from putting on the music? OK I see the problem here--you're not all alpha, you have a good dose of beta male in you--provider beta. The obvious answer if you are cooking and she nags you is to simply take your apron off and throw the oven mitt down and say "Fine. It's all yours. Cook dinner any way you like." And then go have a beer and let her cook dinner. If she pulls some feminist bull and starts screeching at you you just look her in the eye and say "OK I'm going out to the restaurant for a nice steak, a few beers and watch the game on TV. Don't wait up for me." And you split. But much more to the point, why are you the one cooking dinner in the first place? That's HER job. LOL if my wife pulled this kind of crap on me I would just tell her "You can go FU*CK this chicken!" and leave the premises. Or I wouldn't make an issue out of it. I would take the chicken out early and say "Fine eat raw chicken but don't expect me to do so. Don't cry to me when they are pumping your stomach out in the E/R either." Why? You think you are being supportive but in reality she perceives you as being NON supportive because you are disagreeing with her perception of herself. She doesn't hear the compliment about her weight, she hears that you think she's wrong. The next time she tells you she is too fat say something like "I like you with a little extra cushion, there's more to squeeze, but if you think you need to lose some weight to get even more foxy, I'm fine with that too." Frankly given the obesity epidemic your wife probably could stand to lose a few pounds anyway right? Keep her on her toes. She can go on any diet she wants but if she tried to get me to go on a diet with her I would just laugh at her--UNLESS I actually wanted to eat the same food she was eating (unlikely since most diet food sucks). So now we finally get to the real point...trouble in the bedroom. Well it took you long enough.... LOL who cares what "she wants"? The problem is you believed all that feminist bullcrap that someone brainwashed you with as a child. Women, esp. feminists, don't want a weakling in the bedroom. They want to be dominated. Even if they might say otherwise. This woman is walking all over you outside the bedroom because you are not dominating her inside it. She has no respect for you. But you know that already which is why you fell out of love with her. Smack her ass, flip her around, put her on all fours, push her face into the pillow, pull her air, and do her doggy style, while continuing to spank her ass. Screw her as hard as possible banging her noggin into the head board, and say over and over: "Take every inch, you fat slut!" LOL you "ask for foreplay"? WTF. Stop begging her and just stick your dick in her mouth, without asking pretty please first. She's obviously not happy at all, which is why she's such a nag. If you satisfied her sexually she wouldn't be giving you a hard time about the goddamn chicken. Either she has daddy issues or you have money or both. You are already in the process of failing in your second marriage so it's hard to see what you have going for you unless you have a ten inch penis, or a lot of money. LOL at daddy scratching for sonny boy's table scraps. Do you have a prenup? Do you seriously want to lose half of your wealth in a divorce over this? Typical cheater, has problems in his marriage and rather than try to solve them, cheats in a context which obviously is going to end up in total catastrophe. What would make this even better is if your son was interested in this woman and you're "stealing her" from him. That would mean you are a total schmuck. I don't understand what is so complicated about the notion of spending a few hundred bucks for a nice clean mid range anonymous call girl just because after 8 years of marriage things are getting boring and you want a novel vagina to ejaculate into once and a while. You're a man, right, not a woman? (Although you are kind of beta which si sort of like being a woman....) Men are supposed to use intelligence and logic to solve problems, not have some stupid obviously headed for disaster fling. Guaranteed if you bang yourself a nice big boobed blond hooker you will realize you're not even close to being in love with the 30 year old home wrecker, in fact, you will smack yourself in the forehead and say "WTF was I thinking?" You just need to unload some sperm, fine, but do it anonymously. And as Dr. Ruth says, "Vear a condum dahlink!"
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I am sorry but you are funny with some of your comments, really gave me a good laugh. okay, I do not have a ten inch penis and I have money and I could care less about losing 50% of everything to be happy. My son is married and not intersted in this girl and I am sure I could get a hooker but thats not my style so you think I should just tell me wife off and treat her like a second class citizen, not my style but you are funny I can assure you - it won't be funny when the M ends...and all your friends, family and co workers realize that you lack character...enough to cheat and betray. Tell me then how funny it is!
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Tell her! Honey - I'm planning to go eff this young gal that's hot for me - and I'm going this weekend... You ok with that? That is what honesty looks like!
Author mustangfever Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 correction, I have spoken to my wife about the inadequate feelings for the past 4 or 5 years and shegets better for a week or two and then back to old habits again. Why does everyone insist you have all ready screwed around and having an affair. I have NEVER cheated on her before. I am tried of being unhappy and want more out of life. and both women are gorgeous, I mean come on of course the 30 year old is firm and built like a brick **** house so whats not to like. They are two completely different personalities and women. and yes the 30 year old has a near perfect body but THAT is NOT why I am unhappy with my wife. I do not love her like i use to I bet you didn't have complaints about how inadequate your wife was - until you started focusing so much energy on your OW. Keeping ONE woman is hard enough - but now you have to keep two women happy at the same time... It's kind of a drain isn't it? Guess who you get to blame - your wife? ... No silly - its only YOUR fault!
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Then divorce her BEFORE you put your @ick in this receptacle. You haven't been honest with your wife - and YOU KNOW IT! Tell her EXACTLY what your plan is!!! Otherwise - you may as well look in the mirror and refer to yourself as a coward forever for not being honest! Your choice - our choices define who we are - right now you are CHOOSING to BE the coward.
Author mustangfever Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 well then your sarcasm is funny. I know none of this is funny but nor would I EVER tell anyone I had an A wuth someone. I would tell my wife the truth about how I feel and why I want a divorce I can assure you - it won't be funny when the M ends...and all your friends, family and co workers realize that you lack character...enough to cheat and betray. Tell me then how funny it is!
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 well then your sarcasm is funny. I know none of this is funny but nor would I EVER tell anyone I had an A wuth someone. I would tell my wife the truth about how I feel and why I want a divorce It's still not your truth! Half truths aren't the whole truth! And I'm NOT being sarcastic...you wait - you will see what kind of reaction you get when the truth comes out that you've been messing with a gal for 5 years (who could be your daughter) - lets see how your kids like knowing that Dads been paying more attention to someone else than Mom! And criticizing her all the while... That's NOT loving behavior. She doesn't owe you loving behavior when you've been acting like an a$$ for 5 years of the 8 year marriage. Do her a favor - divorce her. But spare her some dignity - wait until the divorce is FINAL before your stick it in this OW.
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Since you've already made up your mind - at least tell her tonight that you plan to divorce her.
TigerCub Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I have been married for 14 years and all of the kids are out of the house. This I s my second marriage. I really loved this woman for the first 8 years and the past 6 I am gradually falling out of love with her. We were best friends and lovers and still have some good times but my love for her has left. She is a gorgeous woman and 9 years younger than I but she is always telling me what to do just like a second mother. It drives me crazy. I will try to list a few things that she does that have driven me away from her. We own a business and we are around each other 24/7. We get along fine and can cut up but she has to be the center of attention at all times. She is even jealous over my daughter and I which is ridiculous. When we ride in the car I can't play music anymore, she says it bothers her, she is always correcting me, for example I was cooking tonight and she asked me how much longer, I told her ten minutes and she said think it’s done, take the chicken out of the oven, I told her no it had ten more minutes to go and it was a big argument. She always is concerned with her weight and I am always telling her she looks great but weighs herself every day and goes from one diet to the next and expects the family to do the same as her. It drives me crazy What hurts me the most is she does not like foreplay at all. Every once in a while but 98% of the time she wants for me to get on top, get her wet, trade places so she can get on top cum and go to sleep. I ask for foreplay all the time and she just does not like it. Now, she used to like it all the time but it’s like she can care less now. She thinks our sex life is awesome and I think it sucks. She is perfectly happy in our marriage and I am not. Okay here it comes, I have chatted with a younger woman on and off for the past 5 years. She is very sexy, now 30 and gorgeous. BTW I am 50. She says age is just a number but it bothers me and I wonder why she finds me so attractive. Now, I am in very good shape, athletic, work out 3 to 5 days a week and do cardio. If she had relationship issues when would text me to get advice. I met her through one of my sons. He use to work with her. Anyway it has always been perfectly innocent. Last week she asked me to meet her for a glass of wine so I lied to my wife and told her I had a dinner meeting and went to meet her. She only wanted advice on buying a home and telling me about a bad relationship she was in which had been over for 6 months. I text her on and off maybe a 20 times a month. Some more some less. Anyways after we had a few glasses of wine we went for a walk and started talking small talk, the next thing I knew I found myself looking into her eyes and kissing her. I was scared and told her I needed to go home. All the way home all I could think about was that kiss and I figured she probably realized it was a mistake and that would be the end of it. 3 weeks later and texting every night about our feelings about each other and just day to day stuff we found ourselves saying I love you and both of us were relived to say it. We are planning to meet this weekend for a getaway and I am already talking about a divorce because I want to be with this woman. What do you all think about the current situation; hit me hard if you think I deserve it. If not, let me know what I should do. For the past 3 weeks she is all I think about. When I wake up in the middle of the night she is on my mind, all day at work, in my car, I mean 24/7 Just looking for some advice Hey, Here it is: You're in a rut with your wife, she nags you, she doesn't listen to you, she's not so caring and loving anymore, sex isn't what you want, etc... ok, I can understand all that. But....this new 30 year old hottie is just the quick solution right now that you haven't even really fully thought about (I'm guessing) sure you think you're in love with her, you can't get her off your mind, you kissed her and now you want more - BUT...do you honestly see a future with her? Do you even want a future with her? Have you thought about if she wants kids later on in her life, do you want to be a dad again? Do you even really know this girl, sure, you've heard some of her dating drama stories, sure she seems to be infatuated with you, but do you really know HER? I'm not one to judge you, I'm really trying to help you. I've been the OW very briefly and it hurts like hell because I couldn't have a future with him, and now looking back, I know I don't want a future with him, because he can't be trusted, because his gf would have been in our lives FOREVER because they have kids together. Maybe this girl isn't going to want a future with you because your W and your kids would be seen as extra baggage. Maybe she'll think to herself "well he cheated on her, what's to stop him from cheating on me?" and not be able to trust you or be with you. I'm glad that you didn't sleep with her yet, if you do, you'll fall harder and the illusion and the fantasy will grow stronger - but honestly, in a lot of cases, that's all it is, a fantasy because times are tough at home. It will cause everyone so much pain. If you really are unhappy with your wife, maybe try counseling, and if that fails get a divorce, but don't be that guy that cheats, don't become the liar, the user, the cheating douchebag that can't be trusted. You can still turn away from this, think on all your options and whatever path you choose (whether its your W, being single or the new girl), go about it the right & decent way. Good luck to you.
xxoo Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 3 weeks later and texting every night about our feelings about each other and just day to day stuff we found ourselves saying I love you and both of us were relived to say it. We are planning to meet this weekend for a getaway and I am already talking about a divorce because I want to be with this woman. This is all fantasy. How well do you really know this woman? What makes you think she would be a better longterm partner for you than your current wife? My advice: fix your marriage. You work together, have fun together, and she still wants sex with you (not to be taken for granted....read some of the threads around here!). She annoys you. Big deal. You assert yourself (tell her to cook the chicken herself!), or you go to marriage counseling. You don't divorce over then damn car radio. I believe you will regret entering into an affair. Seriously--do you want to destroy the woman that you are married to AND own and business with? Why would you want to insert so much drama into your life? At least become single before you start dating. You are 50 years old--we shouldn't have to tell you this.
CALOVELY Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 When you have somebody else in your life, it is very easy to see your spouse in an unflattering light. Suddenly your spouse becomes this harpy who you cannot stand and there is a reason for that. It's called blame shifting. The whole "She's an awful person so what I am doing isn't a big deal". It is a way to justify your actions so you don't become the bad guy. So you want this 30 year old? And she is a great catch, why? She is fooling around with a married man and doesn't have any problem with that. What exactly makes her so awesome and what makes your wife so awful that working on your marriage isn't an option? Also, you mentioned you have talked to your wife but you really haven't. If you were honest with yourself and with your wife, you would have told her that you have been carrying on an emotional/physical affair for 5 years. When are you going to tell her that?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 (edited) Oh. My. God. Last week she asked me to meet her for a glass of wine so I lied to my wife and told her I had a dinner meeting and went to meet her. She only wanted advice on buying a home and telling me about a bad relationship she was in which had been over for 6 months. I text her on and off maybe a 20 times a month. Some more some less. Anyways after we had a few glasses of wine we went for a walk and started talking small talk, the next thing I knew I found myself looking into her eyes and kissing her. I was scared and told her I needed to go home. All the way home all I could think about was that kiss and I figured she probably realized it was a mistake and that would be the end of it. 3 weeks later and texting every night about our feelings about each other and just day to day stuff we found ourselves saying I love you and both of us were relived to say it. You're looking for advice? My advice to you is to get your story straight before bothering to post it here. My BS meter is just about to explode, dude(ess). Edited February 16, 2012 by Mme. Chaucer
Author mustangfever Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 I have otld my wife how I feel and we get a long for maybe two weeks then its back to the same ole same ole for a fe wmonths or until I say something again How you "feel?" What - that you get hard for a young thing pining after you? That she makes you FEEL important? That she makes you FEEL special? That she feeds your big ego? Did you tell your wife that's how you FEEL? I bet not! Get honest!
SoMovinOn Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 But that would take honesty on your part... So I guess it's out... But THAT kind of honesty may actually save the marriage! Try it! Right. Because it's been his lack of honesty that's been the problem in the M for the past 6 years. That's one great thing about the internet - there's no shortage of really bad advice!
SoMovinOn Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Mustang... You have 2 things here. Your M is over, and you know that. You've known it for a while. Your W is who she is. You've talked about the issues you have and she's been unwilling to change anything. As you are seeing, she can't change anything - she is who she is. You can either love her for who she is, accept your M and your sex life the way it is ... or you can get out. I think you've already decided to get out. Good choice. Getting a D is a big thing, emotionally and in every other way. It's not an easy process (sometimes made even more difficult by your soon to be ex spouse), and it hurts, a lot - even when it's what *you* want. Now, you're going to add a R with this other chick, which will most assuredly complicate things. If you get further involved with her and your W finds out, it may give her some additional leverage in the D. Maybe that doesn't matter to you. It wouldn't matter to me - when I'm done, I'm willing to walk away from everything. On the other hand, having someone else to help support you (emotionally) as you go through a tough time in your life may be something you need. If your M is over, if you're getting a D ... it's not like being involved with this chick is going to be a problem for your M, right? The one thing you definitely should do though, is be honest with your GF. Don't be the guy who keeps her hanging on while you keep promising you're going to get D. If you're getting a D, file for it, get it done, move out, get on with your life. As for the people who say your W deserves honesty - you telling her about your GF ... PFFFFFFT!! ... she had your honesty. You told her what you needed from her, from your M, from your sex life, and she ignored it. She discounted your feelings, she discounted you. She's made it clear you don't matter to her. What she deserves is exactly the same treatment from you. If you want to do something nice for her - help her pack.
giotto Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Since it looks to me your marriage is roast chicken (), put your "affair" on hold, divorce your wife and then see if you still have feelings for the gal after all that...
The Blue Knight Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Since it looks to me your marriage is roast chicken (), put your "affair" on hold, divorce your wife and then see if you still have feelings for the gal after all that... In some ways I agree with giotto, but I have a slightly different angle I think. One of our problems in society is 90% of us settle in our marriages. Most of us aren't aware of it the day that we marry. But over time I believe a lot of people reach that conclusion. So we drift along unhappy overall, but not unhappy enough to really put the needed energy into ending what we come to believe is a dead or mediocre marriage. The reason is fairly easy to see. If we leave our spouse it potentially leaves us with nothing vs. at least having something (i.e. nagging heartless wife in this case). That buried unhappiness is only truly realized and comes to the surface very quickly when something potentially better comes along (30-year old hottie). I'm around your age Mustang. I can completely relate to where you're at. My first marriage was very much like what you're describing. A nagging, always argumentative wife. And it lasted about the same number of years. Our sex life rocked and we got along on the surface but she was just that person who always saw the glass half empty. I wasn't always happy but I wouldn't have left her. Besides, we had three fairly young kids. She actually left me believing the grass was greener elsewhere and found out otherwise. Whichhhhhhhhh . . . worked out for me since I fell for a great gal, a few years younger than I am. My current marriage is good. Although I had a few complaints last year we seem to have rectified it. Overall, my current wife is easy to get along with, positive, and a pleasure to be around. I think an awful lot of men reading your situation are going to say, "yep, I can relate." Here's the thing. The right thing to do is either work on the problems in your marriage or leave your wife for good. In other words that decision should be made on it's own merit and not because some hot looking 30-year old is waiting in the wings. Although at this point, that's like trying to repackage something that isn't going to be repackaged since this this 30-year old is now part of your collective emotions and thought process each day. The right thing to do is decide on your marriage and where it's at. Dismiss this girl for a moment and just ask yourself if you want to give your marriage another shot. Would you have left your wife if this 30-year old didn't happen? It sounds like you've not been in love with your wife for the last 5 or 6 years. I'm assuming you stayed because the status quo was better than the alternative of loneliness? If you decide to leave your wife and file, then explain to this other gal that you want to do this the right way and not be in an adulteress situation where she's "the other woman." Personally, I don't see that as a very good way to begin a new relationship. If she's worth leaving your marriage for, at least do it in the proper order. Contrastingly, if you think your marriage can be saved, sit your wife down and hit her with the cold hard facts of why your feelings are gone and ask her can this marriage be saved? Be honest and tell her what it's been like for you. Tell her that you can't live this way any longer. If changes are not immediate then you want to proceed with a divorce. But be very aware that even if you do go through with a divorce and this new relationship takes off in the right direction, you have no assurances it will be like this forever. She's 30, you're 50. Being your age I don't have to tell you what you've already thought about several times over. What about 15 years from now when I'm 65 and on social security and she's 45 and still looking hot? Can you live with that? The better question is can she? Another thing to consider is a lot of single girls are attracted to men who are "safe" which married men typically are in their minds. Maybe you won't look as good post-divorce. Just something to consider. I don't really know how well you know this other gal in order for me to access that. I know that at times relationships with 20 years of difference do work out. But I'd say that they are fairly rare overall. Bottom line: The honorable way to do this is to tell your wife you either want changes immediately and then both of you work toward that goal, or you file for divorce because in your mind, it's long overdue. But you don't involve yourself with this other woman until the divorce is complete if you want to be ethical about it. And finally, I'm sure you've considered your kids and what kind of a legacy this leaves you if you move on. They are grown up. Are they aware of the nagging wife situation so you'd get some support or would they think their dad is robbing the cradle which would cause friction in that part of your life? Again, I'm sure you've considered the variables there as well. Keep us in the loop as far as what you decide. I know your feelings right now are all over the place. You're excited on one hand at the thought of new love and potentially a new and wonderful life, but you're trying to figure out if this is real, or something that is just going to end up being a tryst with no potential long term sustaining power. But figuring out what to do with your marriage is your first order of business.
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