ICE911 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Here is my story.... Was going out with gf for almost a year. This girl loved me pretty much from the start. She is a true sweet heart. Everything was going great in the beginning and then alot of things happened in her life.....she became sick and has been on disability for a long time now, her daughter is very sick. She basically has to go to hospital several times a week. This put alot of strain on our relationship. I was proceeding very slow in the realtionship and she was always putting pressure on me to step it up, unintentionally . She kept talking about wanting to move in together, in the near future and that was bothering me. I asked her to stop talking about it so much until she finally told me that I ruined her hopes of us living together one day. Anyways, communication became a big problem for us. I never really opened up my heart the way she did to me. She broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and asked me if i wanted to do couples counselling. I agreed to it. All she has done is small talk and sending useless texts. All I wanted was to at least meet in person. I became impatient and got sick of random texts. Anyways, we got into a huge fight tonight and she has removed me from facebook and told me to **** off and leave her alone. I realise what I want and it is her. She is the most selfless person I know. She loved me like no one else. I ****ed up big time and fear that I have lost her for good. Question: What can I do to get her back, if anything?
M2155 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 My first impression reading this and not knowing all the details of your relationship is sounds like you want her because she's taken it away. But she was making the classical mistake of pushing things too fast (and being sick she may feel a little more desperate to hang on). So I don't think you were unrealistic at all to hold off. That's a pretty big commitment for less than a year, and with the added stree of illness. If she cannot be understanding that that doesn't mean you don't love her, I think you might want to think about this. Id actually stay friendly but give her a lot of space, she will probably come to the conclusion on her own after a while that she pressed too hard.
Author ICE911 Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 Thanks for the response M2155. The other thing is I have a hard time opening up to anyone and letting my guards down. So she has seen me as distant because of it. There was a time when I was Mr. Romance (long before I met her) but have been through alot of crap and have become Mr. Ice. It's not her fault because of the person that I have become, just unfortunate that such a sweetheart can give me all her heart and I have a hard time opening up. I feel like I have destroyed this relationship because of me not being able to let my guards down.
Philosoraptor Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Stop beating yourself up right now, it will help nothing. It's a common cycle during a breakup to beat yourself down and paint yourself black. I did it, and most people here have done it. We begin to idolize our ex and find ways to blame ourselves fully for the issues that were present in the relationship. Take a step back and breathe. Examine things clearly as if you were talking to a friend who needed advice. Ask yourself what made you happy and what made you unhappy about the relationship. Rarely is any single action all one person's doing. Ask yourself what contributed to what you believe were your issues in the relationship. What could be done on both of your ends to secure the issues in the relationship? How could you ensure that situations outside of the relationship do not continue to cause issues inside of the relationship? But stop idolizing your ex and making this all about what you did wrong. I understand it and I did the same. Know what it got me? A week of horrible depression and marks on my body that will never go away. It's just not worth it. You were unhappy with the relationship and with the amount of time you got to see one another. You were unhappy with how pushy she was regarding cohabitation. This is something that needs to be communicated between two people in a mature way. If the conversation loses it's positives and becomes a problem then two people must agree to talk about it later once tensions have disappeared. You are not a bad person nor were all of the issues of your own doing. She has a unique situation and it is going to take calm and clear communication to work through those issues. What happened in counsiling? I'm not going to tell you whether or not to give this another try. I see potential but I also see many hardships if both people can not work together on this. You need to take awhile and figure out all of the issues and what can be done to mitigate them in the future. If in the end you wish to try again then I wish you the best of luck. If not, then I wish you good fortune with whatever you decide to do with your life.
Author ICE911 Posted February 16, 2012 Author Posted February 16, 2012 You are very wise. Thanks for the response. She asked me 3 weeks ago to go to couples counselling. I said I would go. She was waiting on the counsellor to get back to her, which she never did. So the 3 weeks that passed is what I call "VOID SPACE". I got tired of waiting to see when her counsellor would call back. In the meantime, she just sent texts of small talk, when all I wanted to hear was something of great substance. She couldnt even find time to talk face to face during the "VOID SPACE". In my mind, when people break up it is not time to communicate for small stuff but only for great substance.
coopster Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 You are very wise. Thanks for the response. She asked me 3 weeks ago to go to couples counselling. I said I would go. She was waiting on the counsellor to get back to her, which she never did. So the 3 weeks that passed is what I call "VOID SPACE". I got tired of waiting to see when her counsellor would call back. In the meantime, she just sent texts of small talk, when all I wanted to hear was something of great substance. She couldnt even find time to talk face to face during the "VOID SPACE". In my mind, when people break up it is not time to communicate for small stuff but only for great substance. i think maybe m2155 got it right.. You want what you cant have anymore. Its human nature " In the meantime, she just sent texts of small talk, when all I wanted to hear was something of great substance." maybe she wanted to hear something similar too? You want her back? Tell her, not us good luck
madball2289 Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I don't blame you for not opening up so fast. Sometimes when you open up too fast you end up getting hurt. So give her a little bit of space for the time being. After you think you let enough time pass (maybe a few weeks?) go get her. If you love her go get her, just give it some time then take action.
Author ICE911 Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 I think a few weeks of absence would do good for sure......and then take some action. Someone once told me "if you chase after a dog they run away from you" but if you run away from the dog they run after you" That was my drivers advice..lol
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