DonVee Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I've been seeing this guy on and off for 2 years and we get alone really well... In the past we discussed that we weren't looking for anything serious and we decided to keep our relationship casual and I love it! The sex is great and when we are together we really enjoy each other, for the past 3 months we have made it a habit to communicate with one another often rather it be by text or call and we see each other at least 2 times a week if not more. I'm not a woman that like to chase men so I never really call him or text him I let him make the initial contact so about 2 weeks ago he text me and told me that he missed me a lot and that he would like for me to call or text him more often so I told him that I would he also told me that he has feelings for me and he was wondering if we could talk about us possibly taking our relationship a step further I agreed that we could talk about it... So we haven't talked yet but when I call him he either don't answer or he will and tells me that he will call me back (so much for him wanting me to initiate contact) then yesterday for Valentines day he text me "Happy V-day" and when I called him he never answered or called me back (weird)... The reason I'm confused is because I told him that I'm comfortable with us being casual lovers and that I don't expect much from him but the time that I get, I'm not really fond of a relationship because I just got out of a 10 year relationship 4 years ago and I really enjoy my ME time... However I like this guy and I wouldn't mind being exclusive with him on our own terms but he confuse me with his actions... One day he wants to talk about being serious and me contacting him more often then the next minute he's missing in action and not returning calls... What's his deal?
PrincessPeach Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I don't know how helpful this will be, and it's really only touching on a small portion of your post, and not even the main point. Anyway... I dated a guy a while back who had the same why don't I call him more often rather than him always initiating contact. So I called a few times and got the same results you did. It'd go to voicemail or he'd pick up and be busy so he'd have to call back in a bit, that sort of thing. Which was a bit discouraging so I stopped and he brought it up again and we talked about it and how I felt about trying previously. Apparently he was fine with just getting the call from me, even if he was busy and couldn't talk right then. He said it let him know that he wasn't the only one who wanted to talk. I guess he just wanted to feel wanted a bit. So I called him occasionally, though not frequently, even though the results didn't change much from the first time and he seemed to be happy. As far as the wanting to be more exclusive and then cooling off, I'm not really sure. I'd believe his actions more than his words in this case. It may be linked to the phone thing. He might want to know that you're maybe there for him if he needs you to be without actually taking it that far. The thought of the possibility may be a comfort to him more than the actuality of it.
Author DonVee Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 I don't know how helpful this will be, and it's really only touching on a small portion of your post, and not even the main point. Anyway... I dated a guy a while back who had the same why don't I call him more often rather than him always initiating contact. So I called a few times and got the same results you did. It'd go to voicemail or he'd pick up and be busy so he'd have to call back in a bit, that sort of thing. Which was a bit discouraging so I stopped and he brought it up again and we talked about it and how I felt about trying previously. Apparently he was fine with just getting the call from me, even if he was busy and couldn't talk right then. He said it let him know that he wasn't the only one who wanted to talk. I guess he just wanted to feel wanted a bit. So I called him occasionally, though not frequently, even though the results didn't change much from the first time and he seemed to be happy. As far as the wanting to be more exclusive and then cooling off, I'm not really sure. I'd believe his actions more than his words in this case. It may be linked to the phone thing. He might want to know that you're maybe there for him if he needs you to be without actually taking it that far. The thought of the possibility may be a comfort to him more than the actuality of it. You bring up a good point there... He told me some time ago that he like to feel wanted and know that I'm thinking about him saying "Sometimes I want to pick up my phone and have a missed call from Don"!... I really like this guy and we have so much in common, but my major concern is mind games and he knows that I hate them. I just want him to be strait forward with me and let me know what he wants and how he feels. If taking our relationship to the next level is not his intent than he needs to let me know that I can give him emotional support and comfort him and he knows that I care about him a lot and although we are not a couple and are allowed freely do what we please he is still the only guy that I'm intimate with and from what he tells me I'm the only woman.
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