RegularNiceGuy Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I've been lurking here the last few weeks. Thought it was about time to write my story and see if there is any feedback that may help. This may be a long story... My boyfriend and I started dating 8 years ago. He was 20, and I was 22. When we got together he had just returned from Florida and he was determined to settle down and get his life straight. I owned my own business and had my head on straight, so I think thats what attracted him to me. So after 1.5 years, I bought a house for my family and me and my ex moved into the basement. The idea was to live there for 3 years and then refinance and buy a house for us. Of course, things dont always happen as planned. Regardless, I still have the house but had moved out with my ex to his apartment. So we've lived together for the last 6.5 years. Sometimes at my house, when my ex decided to try to save some money, or in his apartment. Anyways, through these 8 years I've always stood by him through thick and thin. I supported him while he tried to figure out his career. Once he graduated and got a state job, he was so proud of himself and I was proud of him too. He had come a long way. It should be noted that during this time, I didnt meet much of his family. But he knew all of mine. My ex wasn't super close to his family and he comes from a very dysfunctional home. His mother is an alcoholic drug abuser and his stepfather was abusive and a drug addict as well. He just recently found out who his real dad is, and he is a druggy too. So his upbringing was bad, but my family welcomed him with open arms and cared for him like our own. We love him and support him. Every year we all took a vacation together and spent the week together. I felt like it was a really good family environment. My ex liked started to enjoy traveling and every year for the last couple years he would travel down to Florida. Last year he went and he ended up meeting an older gentleman (43) and they ended up starting a relationship together. My ex dumped me and pursued a relationship with this guy for 6 weeks. After 6 weeks, he came back to me and said he really needs to learn to love what he has (meaning the life we built) because its really a good life and he doesnt want to lose it. So, this year I was supposed to go down to Florida with him but last minute, my work prevented me from going. I am also going through bankruptcy and didnt have the money to go. So we got into this big fight and it got physical. Im surprised but since we are both men, for it to get physical only once in 8 years, I guess is kind of good. We made up after that, but a week after he got home from Florida he broke up with me. He said I wasn't "motivated" and that he really wants to travel and party and Im not that kind of guy. I tried to talk to him, and tell him I wanted to travel with him but financially I couldnt yet and he had to give me a few months to get things in order. But he was adamant. So for 3 months I did not have any contact with my ex until about a week ago. he thanked me for getting some mail to him and we started texting back and forth. During this time I found out he was now involved in a long distance relationship with the older man from Florida, who comes up every couple weeks to visit him in Massachusetts. He said hes doing really well and hes in a "better place." It crushes me to think that we cant work this out. I told him all the great things Ive been doing (lost 20lbs, got a 2nd job, getting a new job) and offered to get back together and work things out and we could travel. But hes against it. Says I will never be the "party guy" which is true, but it bothers me because for 8 years I wasnt a party guy and thats what initially attracted him to me. Plus, this 43 year old guy isnt a party guy...so its just an excuse. My ex plans on moving to Florida at the end of the year, but he wants to be "really good friends" because he says we know each other inside and out and he wants us to be there for each other when we are having anxiety problems. I explained it wouldnt be fair because I still wanted to be with him. He tried to convince me otherwise. He wants to be able to talk and get dinner and go see movies together, he wants to know how me and my family are... and when I asked what would happen if we ended up sleeping together, he didnt deny that it was a possibility. So heres a guy I loved for 8 yrs together. Supported, loved, shared my family, basically rejecting everything I ever gave him. Yet, he still wants everything that comes with a relationship...except for the title of relationship. I want to beg and plead for him to open his eyes because he could be losing the only stable things hes had in his life. Me. I just dont get it. He had a horrible unstable childhood, and now that hes got some security, he pushes it away so he can run down south and party and have the great life. The last two days its been going through my head that every night before we went to bed he would lay in my arms and ask me "Are you my husband?" And now.... nothing.
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