Ex called and emailed me for my birthday

[TZ]

So it's been 8 weeks of no contact. Slowly moving on.

 

For my birthday this week, he sends me an email (around 6am) wishing me a happy birthday and says that he wondered how come he couldn't text me (I blocked him from msn). I reply a day later with a simple 'thank you'.

 

Then he calls me at work (I didn't know it was him) to check if I got his email and to wish me a happy birthday again. I reply coldly with thank you's and OK's. I don't explain about the blocking. We don't talk about anything else.

 

Then he sends another email apologizing for having bothered me at work. (I guess the tone of my voice was less than welcoming.) I reply a day later with a simple 'it wasn't a bother. thank you'.

 

I felt good that he acknowledged my birthday. I don't have any hopes of getting back with him, because after much thinking I now see what he stands for.

 

Did replying to his messages count as breaking the 'no contact' rule? What do I make of this? Why did he insist so much in contacting me?

[fluffy]

TZ

 

I don´t think that replying to his messages breaks completely the No contact rule, because you weren´t the one trying to make contact, it was an special occasion and besides you were brief and cold.

 

If you are sure you don´t want to get back with him, then you did the right thing. You were polite enough to answer his e mails and phone calls, but at the same time you showed him that it is over and that you prefer to avoid contact with him.

 

I believe that he misses you a lot and that he taught that your bday was the perfect opportunity to restart communication with you. It was just the reason he needed.

 

I just hope that talking to him didn´t upset you, and that you are doing ok.

[faux]

Originally posted by TZ

Did replying to his messages count as breaking the 'no contact' rule? What do I make of this? Why did he insist so much in contacting me?

 

I, personally, would not have bothered replying to his email. It was, however, a birthday wish. If you said "thank you", keep it at that. Do not think any more into this. I believe he just had the decency to wish you "happy birthday". You can still maintain no contact. Block his emails if you feel tempted.

 

I really, really hope I don't end up getting a "happy birthday" email or anything from a particular ex tomorrow.

[TZ]

You know, the moments after he called me, I felt sad and confused. I started to think about him again. He opened up the wound.

 

A day later, when I sent the "thank you" email (for him wishing me a happy b'day) and the "it wasn't a bother; thank you" email (for him emailing me saying he's sorry if it was a bother that he called me at work, but he just wanted to wish me a happy b'day), I guess I was feeling pretty good about myself (milestone b'day, friends that wished me well, etc.). I felt that I let go of the anger.

 

I still rethink about having sent those emails, since when he called me I did thank him already. Oh well, I can't undo what I did. Maybe it's my 'forgive and forget' nature, although if I had harbored negative thoughts that day about him, then I surely wouldn't have sent those thank you emails. I know I'm torturing myself for nonsense. Yes, it was just decency on his part to acknowledge my b'day. And it was just politeness on my part to thank him, verbally and by email.

 

If he ever tries to contact me again, I will think long and hard before replying. Hmm, I think I'll post here to see what you guys think!

 

This forum has been marvelous for helping me grieve and cope. I was a disaster 8 weeks ago; lost a lot of weight. Still down a dress size. But my buddies here have helped, especially those that took the time to send me private messages. I am grateful. Being the dumpee sure sucks, but it definitely makes you stronger...

 

TZ