stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 My ex texted me last night and told me Happy V-Day. I ignored him. Then he texted again, telling me he is waiting and available. It was a booty call! Someone tell me not to call this guy and just let him have it. I have finally reached the breaking point with his actions. There is absolutely no respect! I am not interested in playing these games with him.
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 He has a girlfriend! I am so mad and disgusted with this crap. Then he texted this morning apologizing and saying that it won't happen again. I am insulted that after all this time he still thinks that I will give in.
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 I am very close to sending that letter. Someone like him will probably not even read it.
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 And, I was out on a date. Totally pissed me off and ruined part of the night. I was so mad!
Philosoraptor Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Cut off his contact by blocking email, phone, etc. You are allowing this to happen by not taking preventative action. But do not sink to his level and give a reaction.
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 It's so tempting to call and curse him out. I ignored his texts up to the one where he said he was at a hotel waiting. I sent one text last night saying "u are unbelievable, who the hell do you think you are?" It was so over the top, out of nowhere crap. I felt like a call girl or something. And, then I ignored the rest of his texts. It was just so random, and disrespectful, that I lost it. I am going to block the #.
geegirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 All the times you kept going back to him, the only thing you taught him was that he could use you and he could have you for sex. You enabled that behavior. He is doing what you allowed him to do before and he is hoping that you will allow him again. You teach people how to treat you. What you need to do now is is try to get the taste of puke out of your mouth and keep going. There is no need to engage. There is no need to show him that you are affected. There is no need to tell him what you think about him. Do not react. He may not get it because he still believes Still will come his way but at some point it's going to register. Silence does wonders in saying F*** Y**.
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 I am tempted to let his new girlfriend know about his actions. But, I won't. I have to keep chanting to not let this get to me. It all happened so long ago, and it wasn't an ongoing thing! It was once! If I didn't reach out, what makes him think that I am this option? I just can't believe that he can disrespect me like this. I've given him way more respect than he deserves. Why can't he just show the same?
geegirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) I am tempted to let his new girlfriend know about his actions. But, I won't. I have to keep chanting to not let this get to me. It all happened so long ago, and it wasn't an ongoing thing! It was once! If I didn't reach out, what makes him think that I am this option? I just can't believe that he can disrespect me like this. I've given him way more respect than he deserves. Why can't he just show the same? This is what will happen. You will tell his girlfriend. She will rant and rave at him. He will smoochie smoochie and she will go lovey dovey and you will end up looking like the crazy one. He disrespects you because even when you knew he had a girlfriend, you still decided to sleep with him. What message does that send him? It doesn't matter whether it was long ago, by doing that, you showed him that you were willing to be an option. He's just trying his luck again. Still, why do you believe that someone who has consistently shown you bad behavior will now suddenly extend your decency just because you believe you are entitled or feel it is the right thing to do? You are not him. He is not you. Edited February 15, 2012 by geegirl
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 GeeGirl, It's been almost 5 months since it happened! I never gave him any indication that we can ever just meet up and hook up. I told him repeatedly about how I felt about it, and when we discussed us, it was always on the premise that he would be single. I know that it happened, but I also tried to rectify the whole thing by never allowing it to happen again. Does that brand me as a slut forever?
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 By the way, when we talked about it was way back in Sept!
geegirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) GeeGirl, It's been almost 5 months since it happened! I never gave him any indication that we can ever just meet up and hook up. I told him repeatedly about how I felt about it, and when we discussed us, it was always on the premise that he would be single. I know that it happened, but I also tried to rectify the whole thing by never allowing it to happen again. Does that brand me as a slut forever? It does not matter when you talked to him! I had an ex that after a year, sent me a lewd text that made my skin crawl. And I never even slept with him after the break up. It was a bad break up as he cheated on me but he still saw it fit to try his luck, a year later. You don't have to give indications. If they want to break a boundary or test the waters, that is what they will do. YOU, need to shut it down the moment it happens. You cannot control his actions or his disrespectful behavior. You are stamped in his head as someone that has no boundaries and will accommodate him. You are stamped in his head as someone who is an option. It doesn't matter that you didn't allow it to happen again, you allowed it to happen, period. When you demote yourself, you stay there. Edited February 15, 2012 by geegirl
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 Thanks Gee Girl, you are right. I can never get that respect back. I feel like crap now
geegirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I like all posters on this thread. They comes across (like you) Stillhurt good genuine people. If you follow their advice you won't go too far wrong. 99% of time I agree with everything they post. They have helped me personally Geegirl and Philo. The only reason I am advising what I am, is I have a friend whose story is spookily similiar to yours. Made the same mistake(s). Her ex kept texting. It went on for 2 years. Everytime he texted for a period of two years she would get upset like u are now. She sent something similiar and he never contacted her again. Maybe blocking is the better option but if it were me, based on what my friend went through for two years I would sent it. I would stop short of letting his girl know. Trust me these guys live dangerously. It's like a rush for them. Eventually the leave enough rope to hang themselves. Let him hang himself. The effect will be far more dramatic. Hopefully he will learn from the harsh lesson life is about to give him. I won't say Gee and Philo are wrong and I am right. Do what u feel is right for you. This is not a black and white scenario. Love never is. I just think by sending this you will finally have closure. Once sent then block as Philo suggested. I think for u and if it were 99% of others I'd advise differently but I think sending the mail will finally fully release the grip (the shackles) he has had over you.. Take a few days to think. Let the emotion die down and then make your choice.. I think your letter is a good swift kick in the nuts Fluo. But I think she can't send it because deep down inside, there is still some hope. Sending that letter will eliminate any chance of him coming back. Still, I don't mean to be rude and speak as if you are not here and I may be wrong in what I mentioned about you having hope. I'm not opposing sending the letter and if you did he may leave you alone, for good. I'm a big advocate for ignoring pesky people but if it bothers you this much Still, then send it and that will be the final nail in the coffin.
geegirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Thanks Gee Girl, you are right. I can never get that respect back. I feel like crap now I'm sorry Still. I know you feel like crap because his perception of you means something to you. But consider the source. Do not let it be a reflection of who you know you really are.
Graceful Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I can never get that respect back. I feel like crap now Nothing ever changes for you, does it? You still blame your ex for everything and you're still waiting for him to show you respect, and you're still reacting to every stupid, disgusting, disrespectful, dumba$$, low life, immature, screwed up thing your ex says or does. SO THAT'S ON YOU. NOT HIM. Get a clue, will ya please??? If you are still reacting to him, that is on you. If you still expect something from him (in the way of respect) that is on you. If you still take his calls and have not blocked his number, that is on you. If you still feel the need to tell him off, that is on you. It's ALL ON YOU. You never take any responsibility for anything, it's always about your ex. It's about HIM calling, or being disrepectful, or invading you, or causing you stress, or wrecking your evening or whatever. It's NEVER about how you flip him the bird (figuratively) delete, and move on. IS IT? You continually act like it's this HUGE SURPRISE that he's a jerk. You continually act like it's a surprise that he's a pathological sex freak and thinks he can get you in bed. You continually act like this is news to you. It's not. It's ancient history, isn't it??? You get the respect back ... by respecting YOURSELF. Not by expecting it from him (or anyone else). Do you respect yourself yet? Yes or no? So until you get it through your head that he's a hopeless, sick, pathological liar and treat him as such, take everything he says and does with a grain of salt AND IGNORE HIM, you might as well get comfortable with playing the victim for the foreseeable future because that is all you seem to do. You just love playing the victim, don't you? That's it. Otherwise, try playing the victor. Much more satisfying. Wanna give that a try?? I dare ya, I just dare ya. Then again, you never listen to anything I (or anyone else) says anyhow, so what start now?
CaliBabe Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I would just ignore. Forever! Sometimes saying nothing says the most.
Jono85 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Nothing ever changes for you, does it? You still blame your ex for everything and you're still waiting for him to show you respect, and you're still reacting to every stupid, disgusting, disrespectful, dumba$$, low life, immature, screwed up thing your ex says or does. SO THAT'S ON YOU. NOT HIM. Get a clue, will ya please??? If you are still reacting to him, that is on you. If you still expect something from him (in the way of respect) that is on you. If you still take his calls and have not blocked his number, that is on you. If you still feel the need to tell him off, that is on you. It's ALL ON YOU. You never take any responsibility for anything, it's always about your ex. It's about HIM calling, or being disrepectful, or invading you, or causing you stress, or wrecking your evening or whatever. It's NEVER about how you flip him the bird (figuratively) delete, and move on. IS IT? You continually act like it's this HUGE SURPRISE that he's a jerk. You continually act like it's a surprise that he's a pathological sex freak and thinks he can get you in bed. You continually act like this is news to you. It's not. It's ancient history, isn't it??? You get the respect back ... by respecting YOURSELF. Not by expecting it from him (or anyone else). Do you respect yourself yet? Yes or no? So until you get it through your head that he's a hopeless, sick, pathological liar and treat him as such, take everything he says and does with a grain of salt AND IGNORE HIM, you might as well get comfortable with playing the victim for the foreseeable future because that is all you seem to do. You just love playing the victim, don't you? That's it. Otherwise, try playing the victor. Much more satisfying. Wanna give that a try?? I dare ya, I just dare ya. Then again, you never listen to anything I (or anyone else) says anyhow, so what start now? this x1000 it's painful to see girls like the OP. it's sad. and screw the letter, just never contact him again in your life. i won't spend more time on you, b/c we both know you WILL contact him again, and he WILL be this complete jerk to you as always. i pray for your awakening, along with many other of your kind.
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 How the hell am I playing the victim? I don't understand how I get attacked for not doing anything. I have always made the decision to ignore this person. I have already blocked him. I don't understand why I can't come on here and just vent. That is the whole purpose of this forum. Why do I have to get attacked by some of you? I am not playing the victim, if anything I have been trying my ass off to get over this crap. And, Jono 85, when did I contact him? Hope? How can there be any hope left? There is seriously something wrong with this guy. I never thought he was this messed up. I just don't think some posters should attack people when they are struggling with this crap.
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 Is it a support forum or a crap on people forum?
Graceful Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Is it a support forum or a crap on people forum? I don't know -- you tell me. Personally, I like the idea of it being a crap on people forum. More fun than all the "awwww, poor you" comments that are like feeding pablum to adults. Still eat pablum? Then go eat elsewhere. It's a free, open forum. It's on the internet where there are lots of differing points of view and opinions. Mine is that you play the victim. That is all. Why do you care so much what I think? I must be getting to you. Good. Good. Good. Because you have no clue what you sound like. And you need to hear it. I think the expression that your mother would say is, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" -- heh. If you don't like the advice, then find another place to post. I mean, you sit there and take all kinds of crap from your ex -- and now you're blaming this forum for upsetting you, too. And stop crapping on my advice. If you don't like it, ignore it. OH, I forgot. You don't know how to ignore people that bug you, do you? Heh. Got that right, didn't I sister?
Author stillhurt Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 Some are telling me to send the letter, some are telling me to ignore him. Just because I choose to ignore the man, does not mean that I have hope. Why would I want to be with a lying cheat?
Jono85 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 And, Jono 85, when did I contact him? really? It's so tempting to call and curse him out. I ignored his texts up to the one where he said he was at a hotel waiting. I sent one text last night saying "u are unbelievable, who the hell do you think you are? we're only crapping on you b/c all of your problems can be solved with YOU. you say there's no hope left, then why in the heck do you care whether he respects you or not??? we're being hard on you, b/c you need it quite frankly. you know deep down you're not finished with him. if you were you wouldn't even have responded to his a**hole texts. if i were you i'd read over Graceful's post a few times.
geegirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Hope? How can there be any hope left? There is seriously something wrong with this guy. I never thought he was this messed up. It wasn't meant as an attack when I mentioned hope. "Hope" as to, why not send Fluo's note with a clear shot to the head rather than, say a text telling him you can't believe his behavior, when that's always been his behavior. Why haven't you changed your number? You still want to be accessible. Why pick up an unknown call at midnight? Let it go to voicemail and I mentioned that if it was an emergency, someone will leave a message. Deep down inside you still desire some sort of contact because you haven't completely let go. If there is no hope, you would not care as to what he does and doesn't do nor would you care to reprimand or check his behavior. He would be water off a duck's back. It would annoy you for a split second, it would hurt you to realize he is a putz but it wouldn't send you into a fit questioning why he behaves the way he behaves. You had a feeling of wanting to tell his girlfriend. Why is that? So he would stop contacting you? Protecting YOU is your responsibility. Vent away but you are still wanting and expecting him to extend respect to you. That is why I mentioned hope because you still require his validation. His opinion of you still matters and that says something. I don't believe people come here to crap on others. It feels harsh sometimes when you don't want to hear what you don't want to hear, especially when your defenses are up. Take what you need and let the rest go. We do sometimes need the hard knocks to wake us up. I used to be mad at my mother when I was going through my divorce and never could take her hits but looking back, it is what I truly needed to get myself out of the fog. It stung but it was all done with good intent.
Jono85 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Some are telling me to send the letter, some are telling me to ignore him. Just because I choose to ignore the man, does not mean that I have hope. Why would I want to be with a lying cheat? why in the world even send him the letter?!? if you truly want nothing to do with him from this moment on, simply NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN!! that means even when he sends you a bunch of texts the next time, whether they are apology texts, more rude texts, whatever, you simply ignore ignore ignore. like others have said, block his number or change yours if you must.
Recommended Posts