I broke up with him..He made a final request..How should I answer him..Should I call?

[Love2share]

In my previous post, "Can Ex-lovers Be Best Friends & Still have successful Relationships", I announced that I finally broke up with Chris. It's been a week and two days since I called him and announced the big split.

 

Since then, he has called me and left several messages about how much he wishes I would concider at least being "friends" with him. He called me last Sunday morning and I answered the call. We spoke for a long time about reasons for the break up. He wants me to believe that distance (We'd been doing LDR the past 9 months) is ultimately the reason for our break up rather than his selfishness.

 

He complained about the fact that I haven't called him since the break up. He asked if he could come down NC to visit me one last time so that we can say our goodbye's in person. I didn't give him an answer yet. I told him I'd think about it. Strangely though, he hasn't called me at all since that conversation Sunday. Do you think he's waiting for me to call him?

 

I really don't want to call for fear that he will think I'm not over him. I don't want to boost his ego anymore than those other girls are probably doing right now. He treated me bad, and I broke up with him. So my two questions are:

 

1) Should I allow him one final visit to say goodbye?

2) Should I call him to give him the answer?

 

I thought about text messaging or emailing the answer. But that's not a good idea since he never responded to the love notes that I used to send to him this way. He always had an excuse for why he never checked his email, or why he accidently deleted the text message before reading it.

[azgirl]

If it ended badly and he was a jerk to you, then no. Don't grant him this request. If, however, you still care for him enough to be "friends" then it is up to you if you should allow him to come and say goodbye in person.

 

I broke up with a genuinely great guy once because there wasn't really that "spark" between us and we managed to remain friends. Even now - I live almost two thousand miles away. We don't talk often, maybe two or three times a year, but whenever I go home, we get together for coffee or whatever and when he comes to my town I have always made it a point to go see him. But ... like I said - he is a great guy and I valued him as a human being and a friend so it has remained such. If this guy was a pri*k then I wouldn't even worry about it. You know??

 

Sorry - I don't think that I have followed your story too well. I don't know the particulars.

[DerangedAngel]

I think that if you allow him to see you one last time, he's going to go all out trying to win you back. Telling you how much he's changed (or will change), how much he still loves you, that he's sorry. Blah blah blah. You know what I mean.

 

If this is something you want to see/hear, go for it. From your post it sounds like you're pretty sure you don't want to try it again. If that's so, I don't think you should see him.

 

So, if this answer is no, text him. If he doesn't get it, then he doesn't get it (text messages are somewhat difficult to delete accidentally, by the way. At least with my phone). But you do need to answer, as you said you would.

 

If you do decide you want to see him (and perhaps get back together), call him.

 

Cheers.

 

-Deranged

[Love2share]

Thanks for the advice.

 

I really want to just forget about him. But he might have been trying to mess with my head by even making such a request. I mean, he used to say that it was difficult to not call me during the time we were together. In 9 months, we talked on the phone every single day up until the last 2 months when things between me and his ex got real heated.

 

{She and I were literally fighting over him. Then she gave him an ultimatum to choose between the two of us. He chose me. But he started being too busy to call me and forgetting centimental things. That's when I would send him text messages and he would apologize and laugh about it saying that he accidently deleted it. Then he would ask me to tell him what the message was. After two months of being treated like this, and some helpful advice from people on this forum, I got the courage to just break up with him. }

 

He seemed to be real sad about our break up. He started promising that he would change once and for all. He had excuses for why he hadn't returned my emails and text messages. Last week he called almost every day after we broke up, despite the fact that I didn't answer or return his calls. After our long talk on Sunday, he hasn't called me at all. I'm afraid that if I call him, he may be with a girlfriend. And I will appear to be still chasing him. And if he doesn't answer, I'll have to leave a voicemail message, which will give him the pleasure of "ignoring" me again. But I know that all these fears are based on my pride. I just want to be sure of the right thing to do. I'd like to resolve this tonight.