Dirtyeggroll Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 So i have talking to this girl for the past 5 months and we just became exclusive. Her ex bf really screwed things up for her as he cheated on her a couple of times. She thought she loved her ex bf and they dated for some time. They broke up in last summer. This girl has been cheated on which is why I can't see her cheating on me. Also she told me that since the entire time we have been talking - even before we were exclusive - she hasn't hooked up with other guys. but yesterday I was with her and her friends. And she looked at something on her phone (idk if it was a text or a fb message) but then she said pretty loudly "He messaged me back, I'm scared." Then she seemed to be pretty cautious if i looked at her while she was texting.and she kept getting texts every couple minutes. I can't think of who or what it meant or what it was about. She is waay too sweet, honest, and mature to play head games and I can't see her going behind my back with another guy especially siince we are exclusive now. But then today she was showing me a text that her friend sent her and in her recent text log i quickly saw the name of her ex bf. She has always said that she hates him and I was wondering if this has any connection to what she said yesterday about a guy messaging her back and her being scared? Could it have been her ex? I feel like I don't have much to worry about since its her ex and everything that he did to her but 1. i still don't know if it was her ex that texted her yesterday and 2. regardless she is texting her ex. I really don't want to deal with exes as I have had to do that with my last two relationships and it sucked. I want to bring it up but Im not sure how to do it without being insulting or without her thinking I'm jealous. Plus we had an awesome V day today and I made her super happy and we had a greeat time and I didn't want to ruin it by talking about her ex. So I could really appreciate some advice on how to handle this or people's opinions thanks.
rebeccajones Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Maybe you could say is there something going on that I should know about? How do you feel about our relationship? How do you feel about your ex? I don't think it is nice that she made that comment about "he texted me back, I'm scared" without further explanation. Sounds like you like her and you are exclusive, I think it's ok to ask her if all is good.
Author Dirtyeggroll Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 we had a little bump in our relationship a couple of weeks ago and I was really really close to losing her for good. Now because of that I am over analyzing a lot of things about her and I am pretty insecure. Before this incident I never used to be like this. And she specifically said "stop over thinking things, it is going to ruin things." So that is why I am really nervous to bring up the comment she made and also why she is texting her ex. I really do hate it but I feel like I can't help it. Is this normal? Any way to prevent it these insecurities and my over the top analyzing?
ditzchic Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 we had a little bump in our relationship a couple of weeks ago and I was really really close to losing her for good. Now because of that I am over analyzing a lot of things about her and I am pretty insecure. Before this incident I never used to be like this. And she specifically said "stop over thinking things, it is going to ruin things." So that is why I am really nervous to bring up the comment she made and also why she is texting her ex. I really do hate it but I feel like I can't help it. Is this normal? Any way to prevent it these insecurities and my over the top analyzing? What she means by stop overthinking things is to stop blowing them up in your head to the point of making it a disaster. That's exactly what you are doing in this situation. A simple 'Hey what was that all about.', is not overthinking. That's called communicating. Communicating is what prevents overthinking. Just ask her. If she can't communicate with you this relationship has bigger problems than her getting a message from her ex.
Author Dirtyeggroll Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 So what your saying is that communicating prevents over thinking. But since I'm insecure atm I'm afraid I might over think things too much and the only way to make that better is to communicate. However if I keep having these little problems that I want to talk about I feel like that's over communicating and might annoy her and show her I'm insecure and thats obviously a turn off. So how would i find a balance? Is it normal to feel like this since I was on the verge of losing her?
ditzchic Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 So what your saying is that communicating prevents over thinking. But since I'm insecure atm I'm afraid I might over think things too much and the only way to make that better is to communicate. However if I keep having these little problems that I want to talk about I feel like that's over communicating and might annoy her and show her I'm insecure and thats obviously a turn off. So how would i find a balance? Is it normal to feel like this since I was on the verge of losing her? I'm not saying you should ask her about what she is doing every second of everyday of her life. Or get suspicious every time she checks her phone or talks to any other guy. But her sitting at a table with you and talking about how she's scared because "he just messaged her", is a perfectly suitable topic to ask what's up. Don't make accusations about it. Just ask her what the deal was. It could be nothing. And your mind will be set at ease. That's how you stop being insecure. You talk to her like normal people in a relationship are expected to talk to each other and realize she is up to nothing and there is no reason to be insecure. I know you think bringing up the little problems will raise red flags for her. That's not necessarily true. You're less likely to raise a red flag by having a nice normal conversation with your girlfriend than if you let it fester in your head until your paranoia gets the best of you and you make a HUGE problem out of a little one.
veggirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 OP, def ask her what the texting was about. Being concerned about that is NOT overthinking things. Don't let her turn it around on you, this seems pretty shady...
Recommended Posts