Taking it up a notch....

[Imajerk17]

Got myself a date.

 

Was in a coffee shop yesterday afternoon, and these two women walked in. I was into one of them.

 

I started a conversation with them while they were putting cream and sweeteners in their coffee. After about 30 seconds, they were getting ready to walk away.

 

"Hey I like you" I said to the one I was into. "I realize we talked for a few minutes, but can I call you. Why don't you give me your number and I will give you a call".

 

And she gave me her number. I gave her my last name to convince her that I was a "real person" so to speak.

 

I honestly thought I was getting a brush-off, she didn't seem that enthusiastic about it. So just to see what would happen, I called her last night (within 6 hours after I got her number) instead of waiting my usual day or so. She picked up.

 

We have a date on Thursday.

[thatone]

So how do you meet women in the club anyway? I never was able to figure out how to do it with all that loud music, drunken friends, and all those other guys as competition.

 

It just seems to me to be too much work.

 

It's so much easier to meet women in the grocery store or even on the street, at least during the day. It really is.

 

different bars.

 

neighborhood type bars without much music or stuff in the background are prime grounds.

 

absent that, for bars that do have live music, go on acoustic night, piano night, etc. women figure this out, as well, it's not all on you. my neighborhood bar is crawling with opportunity on wednesday nights when the music is all acousic without the PA.

[Imajerk17]

I've been dating a lot lately. I haven't met anyone special yet.

 

Anyway, several days ago I was walking downtown. I was at an intersection about to cross the street. I saw a really cute girl on the other side. Wow. No ring on her left finger too! You gotta be kidding me! She looked both athletic and feminine, and was wearing a sundress that showed it off.

 

I took a deep breath and wondered what I was going to say. She was looking around so I decided to use that. "You look lost" I say to her. She responds, and then I tell her that I thought she was adorable, and introduced myself. Then we were in conversation.

 

After about 10 minutes of conversation (I was a little nervous during the conversation but I guess it was OK), I get her phone number. I called her the next night, and she finally called me back a few days later. She has a Nice Girl personality. I love that. We have a date scheduled for next week.

 

***************

Some random thoughts:

 

--I personally think it's silly that women won't approach (all of the reasons they give as to why they won't do it, smack of some sense of feminine entitlement... at least to me) BUT as I said here a few time before, the way things are now works GREAT for someone like me. I'm coming to see that the game is hugely rigged in my favor.

 

--Another reason why women won't approach is that until a guy says something, she doesn't even notice him. This girl didn't even notice me until I opened my mouth!

 

--I don't fear rejection anymore. If only because I hear "no thanks" A LOT. Seriously, like maybe 5x/week. I'm going to lie, it stings and I don't like it, but compared to not taking a chance and wondering "what if", rejection is nothing. I just wanted to find out the truth--if she could be into me.

Edited May 19, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Oxy Moronovich]

Smart move by talking only 10 minutes. So many guys do not figure this out. 3-10 minutes is all you need before asking for the number. Make them laugh and show them you're interested. That's all. A woman saying, "No thanks" is actually a lot better than those dumb broads who give you their number with no intention of answering the phone when you call.

[Imajerk17]

Smart move by talking only 10 minutes. So many guys do not figure this out. 3-10 minutes is all you need before asking for the number. Make them laugh and show them you're interested. That's all. A woman saying, "No thanks" is actually a lot better than those dumb broads who give you their number with no intention of answering the phone when you call.

 

Well, here's the thing though: you do want to talk with her long enough so that there's enough of a connection so she feels comfortable meeting up with you again. If you talk for only 2 minutes, even if you made her laugh and she was attracted at the time she gave you her number, when she goes her way and thinks about your interaction more, she might conclude after the fact that she hardly knows enough about you to commit a block of time in her life to you.

 

But you do not want to talk so long *at that one place* so that tension goes away and then she is the one who "has to go". The problem with talking too long especially at a street corner is that you're both just standing there and things aren't really moving forward, so the energy ends up leaking out. She might give you her number "to be nice" but that doesn't mean she will follow through.

 

So to sum up: If you talk to her for too short a length of time, she won't meet up with you again because she isn't comfortable. If you talk to her for too long of a time, she won't meet up because she isn't attracted. Maybe 5--10 minutes is ideal.

 

Ideally though, if you both have time, then why not do something together then and there. Sometimes an approach can turn into a date right on the spot.

 

I agree with you that "no thanks" is a lot better than wondering.

Edited May 19, 2012 by Imajerk17

[ThaWholigan]

Well, here's the thing though: you do want to talk with her long enough so that there's enough of a connection so she feels comfortable meeting up with you again. If you talk for only 2 minutes, even if you made her laugh and she was attracted at the time she gave you her number, when she goes her way and thinks about your interaction more, she might conclude after the fact that she hardly knows enough about you to commit a block of time in her life to you.

 

But you do not want to talk so long *at that one place* so that tension goes away and then she is the one who "has to go". The problem with talking too long especially at a street corner is that you're both just standing there and things aren't really moving forward, so the energy ends up leaking out. She might give you her number "to be nice" but that doesn't mean she will follow through.

 

So to sum up: If you talk to her for too short a length of time, she won't meet up with you again because she isn't comfortable. If you talk to her for too long of a time, she won't meet up because she isn't attracted. Maybe 5--10 minutes is ideal.

 

Ideally though, if you both have time, then why not do something together then and there. Sometimes an approach can turn into a date right on the spot.

 

I agree with you that "no thanks" is a lot better than wondering.

Noted.

 

Had a little interaction with a yuppie chick at Waterstones yesterday. It was no longer than 10 mins. It was probably the best rejection I ever had . I feel a lot more confident talking to girls now more than I ever did. I'm still rather awkward, but it's difficult to settle into your natural rhythm when you're stepping out of you comfort zone.

 

It's good to approach girls every now and then especially at my age, if not to desensitize yourself to rejection, but simply to exercises that social muscle, and being able to talk and flirt with girls is a pretty significant part of that too IMO.

[Cracker Jack]

I always like reading how you tackle these situations. It's also nice to see how you've become immune to rejection. I feel like once you reach that level, nothing but good things can come from approaching. I still have moments where I make an excuse to talk myself out of making an approach (headphones, busy, etc), but I'm confident that those habits will be discarded soon enough.

[Imajerk17]

I'm thinking I need to back off approaching. I am talking to a few women already that I connected with either online or cold approach, and I am at my limit. All of them are awesome.

 

I'm now wondering how to handle this. My head is actually spinning.