Almond_Joy Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Hi everyone, I'm not a festive person really - I don't take stock in holidays or birthdays. I've never had a bf that takes stock in holidays, so it's never been a problem. Well my current bf asked me last week if I want to have dinner tonight, in observance of VDay. I thought this was wierd since I thought I'd made it clear I really don't care whether we do anything in observance of holidays in general. But I figured he wants to acknowledge VDay so I won't be a party pooper. I didn't hear him say anything else about it after the discussion , so I followed up last night asking if he still wants to do dinner tomorrow. He said "sounds good" and proceeded to be really indifferent about cementing plans. Getting him to respond on what we'll have for dinner (we're each bringing/preparing something and then eating over his house vs. going out) and when I should come by was like pulling teeth which isn't like him at all if we're discussing something that he wants to do. I'm just really irritated because I don't get what the nonchalance on his part is about. If he didn't want to go through with the plans he proposed he could've just said that. He knows I wouldn't have cared. Guys, have you had a situation like this? Another perspective would be appreciated...
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 A little background info would be helpful. How long have you been together, and how old are both of you? Is this your first Valentine's day with him?
Author Almond_Joy Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 We're a couple weeks shy of 4 months. I'm 26 and he's 29.
cerridwen Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Two thoughts: 1) He sensed your indifference (or reluctance) when he first mentioned it, and that squelched his enthusiasm with the follow-through. OR 2) He felt obligated from the get-go, went through with the motions of offering, but his heart wasn't in it and he petered out.
runner Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 so you're indifferent on holidays but not indifferent about your bf switching gears on you (and yes i find that humourous ) if i were him, i'd be acting that way because of how you might have took to the original suggestion, leaving him with second thoughts, i.e., "well what if i played some call of duty with the mates instead ? afterall she doesn't really care either way wot we do tonight" and yes i've had tonnes of situations like this- not just re: vday solution: call him out. say, "what's up mr. flip flopper !"
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Two thoughts: 1) He sensed your indifference (or reluctance) when he first mentioned it, and that squelched his enthusiasm with the follow-through. OR 2) He felt obligated from the get-go, went through with the motions of offering, but his heart wasn't in it and he petered out. I agree with this. However, I think he handled it poorly. It also appears that you really do care; so maybe best to start just being honest with him? I think a lot of girls feel like they have to be the "cool" girlfriend, who doesn't care about Valentine's day. Spookie said something in another thread pertaining to V-day that echoed this. But really, even though the holiday is silly and "commercial" and whatnot, it's okay to want your significant other to take the time to show you he/she cares. It doesn't have to be with a dozen roses or a diamond necklace...just quality time spent together. I think what you and your BF had arranged (having a dinner together that you both contribute to) is very appropriate and sweet. Try to just be straight with him. Something like, "Look, Valentine's Day isn't the most important thing in the world to me, but I was looking forward to having dinner with you and spending time together. I'm a bit confused that you're so indifferent toward a plan that you initiated. What's the deal?"
Author Almond_Joy Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) lol runner. I kept going over this because I couldn't understand why I've been sooooo irritated about it; we talked last night and this is still bugging me. In reading your responses, I can see that I do care, in a way. I care that he expressed wanting to be with me and then renigged on that interest without an explanation. That's what's bothering me. Not so much it being on a holiday. I may not have seemed excited about it being Valentine's Day, but I always follow up on plans to see him and do things together....because I want to see him. He just kind of tapered off with no explanation. Thanks for the feedback everyone! Edited February 15, 2012 by Almond_Joy
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 lol runner. I kept going over this because I couldn't understand why I've been sooooo irritated about it; we talked last night and this is still bugging me. In reading your responses, I can see that I do care, in a way. I care that he expressed wanting to be with me and then renigged on that interest without an explanation. That's what's bothering me. Not so much it being on a holiday. I may not have seemed excited about it being Valentine's Day, but I always follow up on plans to see him and do things together....because I want to see him. He just kind of tapered off with no explanation. Thanks for the feedback everyone! So, are you seeing him tonight?
cerridwen Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 He just kind of tapered off with no explanation. Thanks for the feedback everyone! Eww. Hot and cold, push and pull. I hate that. Good luck!
Author Almond_Joy Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 So, are you seeing him tonight? Oh yeah, we're definitely seeing each other. I'm not going to cancel on him because I'm irritated lol. But I did want to vent before dinner so that I'm not all pissy tonight....I'll admit I'm less than pleasant when irritated.
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