White Steed Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Okay, my last post was way too long and, frankly, if I saw that much text in a post I'd close it, too. I'll narrow it down: - A girl and I have become very close over the past 3 years (skype) since she moved from Canada to Australia for school - After getting to know her I realized I really like her and have for the past couple of years - I've told her once in person when she came back home to visit and a couple of times on skype (drunk) that I like her (but she had a boyfriend until about 7 months back); I sent her flowers for her most recent bday a few months back which she loveddd. I know she cares about me a lot but I'd never really gotten the impression she was attracted to me, too, until.... - She recently came back to visit and, long story short, she kissed me one night at this bar and then again, after we talked about what had happened/how I felt about her, as I was getting into my cab - When I confronted her about what this meant/if she liked me the next day (the day before she headed back to Australia) she said she 'didn't know' - We went a couple of weeks without talking when she got back to Australia (wanted her to figure out how she felt) and when we did talk she told me she thought what happened that night was a combination of atmosphere/comfort-level/curiosity/alcohol/attraction/etc. but that she doesn't think we're 'compatible relationship-wise' and that 'in her heart she doesn't want anything to happen between us' because she's 'not attracted to me in this way. 'It's just not there'. ------------------------------------------ Obviously, I respect this, but I don't really know what to do now and that's why I'm posting. We decided not to talk for a bit - I needed time to think about how to proceed with all of this. I think she thinks that I like her in a way where time apart from contact with her is going to cause me to 'get over' her, but I'm not hung up on her in this way. I'm just simply really attracted to her but, with her being so far away, it's not in a way that impedes my ability to meet/get-to-know other women, too. It also allows me to be pretty selfless about my feelings towards her and I can encourage her to date other guys and what-not. Truthfully, I just want her to be happy. What's weird about all of this for me is that while I like her, I have no interest in dating her because she's so far away. It's easy to keep my emotions in check when she's gone but when she comes to visit they all come rushing back and slap me in the face. Do I just have to accept the fact guys and girls really can't be close friends and that our relationship dynamic is changed forever because of this little incident? I can't help but think if one of us got into a relationship or if we lived in the same city (and she didn't feel the same way as I did about her) we wouldn't be close like we are, but the distance and fact we're single allows for it at the moment. I feel like I'm breaking up with my best friend and that I really don't have any other choice unless I want to get hurt worse down the road.
ja123 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Great post White Steed: you broke it down and it was easy to follow. Here's my two cents ... Even though you say you're available to meet other women, the fact that your heart strings are being pulled my this chick impedes your emotional availability to really 'connect' with another woman in that special way which could lead to a relationship. Have you asked yourself whether you really do want a relationship? I ask because I'm wondering if you're not subconsciously involved with this girl so as to keep yourself off the market, yet still get some of your needs (albeit emotional, friendship) met. As she said "in her heart of hearts" that she's not interested, then you have to take her at her word. It's sad, though. It hurts. I think you might consider extending the 'break' you have from her to ... who knows ... a year maybe? and really get over her, so that you can move on. It sucks though. Ask yourself what needs she was fulfilling for you (e.g., friendship -wise)? Once you've identified those you'll be better apt to go out and get those needs fulfilled by another person or persons, and this might help you with your healing process as well as give you a sense of some control over your destiny. Hope this helps!
Author White Steed Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 Thanks a lot for taking the time to reply, ja123 I think the comment about whether or not I want a relationship is an interesting one. The truth is, I have a bunch of other life stuff to figure out before I would shift my focus to dating again. It's been a few years since my last serious relationship and Sarah's kinda been there for me throughout that entire period. It's not that I haven't been looking for a relationship, she's just kind've the bar I've set for what I'm looking for in a girl and I haven't met a girl both a) met that bar and b) felt the same for me, over that period. Pretty much everything you said was helpful, though, so thanks!
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