Thatguyintx Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I have hinted at my story, but not posted it. I just need to hear some encouragement/criticism about my ultimate choice. We'd been together for seven months. We are both in our forties, have kids, and are divorced. The first five months were great. Spending time together, spontaneous dates, physical affection, deep conversation, and lots of laughing/smiling. We had talked about marriage and, if it weren't for her kids, we may have flown to Vegas and done so. Then the trouble started. First, her kiddos both began acting out (reaction to our dating maybe). I had no expectations with her kiddos other than respect considering they are 16 and 19 and probably would not accept a new man in mom's life. One acted out to the point of legal issues, but her mom wouldn't share the exact circumstances. The other was doing the typical teenager drinking and being rebellious. I stayed out of dealing with their issues and merely supported mom through this time. While this was going on, she really began distancing herself and telling me she didn't have the emotional energy to deal with the kiddo situation and our relationship. All physical affection stopped, but she assured me her heart was still in the same place. She wished us to be together forever, but just needed to work through this current kid problem. Then she asked for space. She wanted a couple of days alone, even though at this point we were really only talking on the phone once a day (10-15 min) and texting very sporadically. I didn't react well to this request, but did honor it. After the couple of days, she seemed renewed in the relationship and began making more effort to spend time together. Fast forward to last week...we had gotten back to the point of one phone call per day and nothing more. I asked for one date night or breakfast meetup per week. She said she didn't think she could do so. But yet she could work out 5 times per week and take her daughter (who was supposed to be grounded) shopping and out to dinner several times per week. We agreed to space for the weekend and we would reconvene on Sunday to discuss (on phone). I hoped for the best and planned for the worst. And I feel I got the worst. She asked for a break. She knew it wasn't fair, but she said her emotional energy is completely drained and there is nothing left for me. She first said she still wanted me to wait and we could pick back up when the kid situation is resolved. Later during the conversation, she said she wasn't sure she could ever be married again and she valued her independence. I told her a break to me was the same as a breakup. I wished her the best, left her stuff on her porch later that night, defriended from Facebook, and wound up an event we had planned for March. I know that I need NC right now and after a message yesterday telling her that I respect her and am praying for her family and kiddo situation, I am done opening the lines of communication. So, my questions...did I do the right thing? Is NC the best thing right now? Have you ever been so engrossed in a tough situation there was nothing left for a relationship? ** - Yes, there is always a chance there is someone else on the horizon, and maybe I am naive, but at this point I doubt there is.
Frank13 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 So, my questions...did I do the right thing? Is NC the best thing right now? Have you ever been so engrossed in a tough situation there was nothing left for a relationship? ** - Yes, there is always a chance there is someone else on the horizon, and maybe I am naive, but at this point I doubt there is. I feel you absoluetly did the right thing and NC is what you need to do. She is either done with this relationship or needs a lot of space. Going NC will solve either problem. If she is done with the relationship, NC will get you to heal. If she just needs space, not going NC will push her further away. Let her miss you and concentrate on healing and moving forward.
Author Thatguyintx Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 So, a week has passed since the ill-fated "talk". Starting to feel a bit better and have quite a bit more clarity on the situation. As much as I would like to think it has everything to do with her emotional energy, a realization hit that we were just plain incompatible. I have been reading a book and one of the quotes went along the lines that men who had unemotional moms tend to find themselves involved and drawn to emotionally unavailable women. Normally I find this type of analysis to be hogwash, but maybe that's why i continue to struggle. This last woman could not have been more unavailable. The first five months that was not the case, but the last two months she really was gone. POOF! Better than any magician I have ever seen. I asked a friend, which person is she. The one who was available during the first 5 months or the one who disappeared in December. His answer? Yes, she was both. He further asked, could I handle the disappearing when difficulty struck. When a dead-serious problem was occurring, could I handle her folding into herself. The answer is no. I need a partner who can face problems WITH a partner. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto, for goodness sake! Just venting this morning. But venting with a purpose. Venting to release the love I feel for this woman. Releasing her to find the person for her. Releasing all the bound up emotions that are keeping both of use from healing.
Numb79 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I feel your pain. NC is very hard to do. I attempted it and folded once just a few days ago. This Sunday will be four weeks since the break up and I have just sent her one text. She was actually the one that initiated the NC stating that it would be the best for both of us....... I did not beg or plead in the text message I sent her.... It simply stated... "I don't want you to think that I am not contacting you because I don't love you or that I haven't thought of you, I was just trying to respect your wishes. If you truely want me to leave you alone then I shall not contact you any further" I have yet to receive a response and I probably never will. Somedays are better than others.... Mine are real bad at this point.... I broke my leg on Saturday and I am unable to do anything but lay around and let my mind wander. The weird part is that the girl lives in Canada and I live in the U.S. I thought it would be alot easier since we didn't spend much time together.... but I guess I was wrong.....
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