Eternal Sunshine Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I started dating again. I had lunch with some guy that seemed intriguing. Because I am still not healed from my break up, I am not really looking for anything serious. Therefore I have nothing to lose. I decided that the simplest thing of all is to just tell the truth. So I told him that I recently broke up with someone and am now living with my parents. He didn't seem put off by that. At the end of the meet up/date he asked to see me again. I told him that I am not sure about that but to give me a call later. So he called and asked me out for a particular day. I simply told him, sorry I don't feel like going out on that day (rather than making up an excuse). I left it at that. Today he calls and asks me what I am doing. I tell him that I am at the pools swimming (the truth). He asks me if he can come and I just go "OK". So he comes and we have an OK time. I don't flirt AT ALL and just don't make much effort with the conversation. I go through my exercise routine with swimming laps. At the end, he tries to kiss me and I turn my cheek. He tells me how much chemistry he is feeling and I just shrug. He is already asking me out again. I am not even deliberately playing any games. WTF is wrong with guys?
SmileFace Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Yeah, how dare him like you for acting normal!! Wtf is it with guys, ugh!!
Emilia Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 He is after sex and he knows you are vulnerable.
musemaj11 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 So you are single again? The last time I heard you were going to get married and have a baby. LOL
ascendotum Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 So you are single again? The last time I heard you were going to get married and have a baby. LOL yeah, I'm surprised too. I thought just recently she was disappointed he hadn't proposed yet. Lucky he didn't buy an engagment ring. Though his mother didn't like ES, so maybe that was the deal breaker. We get some new dating adventures from ES now.
zengirl Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Maybe he actually likes you. Maybe he just thinks you're an easy mark for a quick lay. Maybe he's emotionally unavailable so your indifference is appealing. Plenty of men and women do thrive on either a challenge or an emotionally unavailable potential date. . . generally means they're not really ready for something 100% serious either, at least not on an emotional level. Doesn't strike me as that odd an experience though.
musemaj11 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 yeah, I'm surprised too. I thought just recently she was disappointed he hadn't proposed yet. Lucky he didn't buy an engagment ring. Though his mother didn't like ES, so maybe that was the deal breaker. We get some new dating adventures from ES now. I won't be surprised if he dumped her because he felt pressured to get married. Thats why you should avoid women between the age of 28-35. These women are the most desperate for marriage.
ascendotum Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 He is after sex and he knows you are vulnerable. makes good sense to me or else he is desperate, to keep up the enthusiasm in face of such indifference, or maybe there is an aloof charm to ES's personality that appeals to him if his last few gfs have been insecure and depserate to please.
grkBoy Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 WTF is wrong with guys? Better question: "WTF is wrong with you?" You're obviously out to sabotage anything you get involved with. This guy, the next guy, etc.
kaylan Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 The guy sounds desperate to me. I wouldnt be going out again with a chick who wasnt feeling me. I dont get why hes ignoring the signs and being persistent.
xxoo Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Guys like to pursue. He's not getting a rejection, so he's moving forward. If you don't want him to continue moving forward, reject him. If you do want him to keep moving forward (calling, asking you out, making moves), keep agreeing to see him.
Kamille Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 You say yourself you're not deliberately playing games and are acting the way you want to act... Sounds like you're not trying to 'guess' at his motives so as to arrange your behavior accordingly. Many guys find independence (and not indifference) attractive. In other words, maybe there isn't anything ominous going on here. He might just like that you seem to know your own boundaries. I'm sorry to hear about your break up and impressed that you're already back on the dating scene. You have nerves of steel!
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 You say yourself you're not deliberately playing games and are acting the way you want to act... Sounds like you're not trying to 'guess' at his motives so as to arrange your behavior accordingly. Many guys find independence (and not indifference) attractive. In other words, maybe there isn't anything ominous going on here. He might just like that you seem to know your own boundaries. I'm sorry to hear about your break up and impressed that you're already back on the dating scene. You have nerves of steel! Impressed? I'm getting the impression that she's the kind of girl who can't stand to be alone. The type who needs to be in a relationship or she doesn't feel whole. I'd be more impressed if she could be single for longer than a month.
carhill Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I divorced my exW because of her indifference. One anecdote. When I sense indifference in a woman, all you see are the smoking black marks of where I used to be. Good luck.
Kamille Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Impressed? I'm getting the impression that she's the kind of girl who can't stand to be alone. The type who needs to be in a relationship or she doesn't feel whole. I'd be more impressed if she could be single for longer than a month. You might have a point. ES does value being in a relationship. But I'm impressed at the ease with which she was able to distance herself from the emotions of the heartbreak. I'm the opposite. After a break up, the last thing I want to do is date. But where you might have a point is this: when I do get around to dating, I tend to enjoy it. ES, hope you're enjoying dating. Else, what's the point of doing it?
carhill Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 After a break up, the last thing I want to do is date. But where you might have a point is this: when I do get around to dating, I tend to enjoy it. I noticed this too, after exW and I split up. I didn't think of going out on a date for nearly a year and then only dated for a couple months since dating as a separated man was more problematical than as someone who had 'broken up', as in the OP's situation. Women were more wary. I did enjoy those encounters, even though they went nowhere. I sensed the indifference (lack of proactive interest) and moved on. If a woman enjoys dating and enjoys me, indifference will be the last thing on her mind. Great canary.
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