Dragonsden Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I should start off with a bit of history. I am 27 years of age, originally from Afghanistan. Although I am not religious but rather very liberal, I still hold the core values that come from my culture. I dont look at other woman or think about other woman when I am in a relationship. And naturally I expect the same out of my girl/woman. Like most guys I dont like other men looking at whats mine. Its not jealousy or insecurity. Its the idea that just because I have a gem doesnt mean I have to show boat it. She is 20 and of hungarian decent. Bit of an age gap difference. I asked her out over facebook and we hit it off right away. She is not in to partying, doesnt drink and quit eating pork (her decision) within the first few weeks of us dating. When her mother asked what if I ask her to convert to my religion, her answer was "so" ... even though I wouldnt have. Well these qualities in her made me think she could be the one. Two months in to our relationship and she says I have to know something ... she has feelings for some guy who she once worked with in a camp. Lives far away but regardless I thought of ending it now before I am too attached. Instead I asked her to choose and cut off contact so she can get over him. She agrees. A month later its new years eve, just the two of us and she passes out for no good reason at ten thirty. I grab her labtop and go to facebook. She is logged in and I get tempted to look at her messages. She has been in contact and the guy is coming to town to stay at her place. I get uneasy and ask her (without telling her I looked in to her facebook) if she has had contact and she says not since a month ago and then changes that to "yesterday". Anyhow I tell her to stop contact and dont put herself into a situation where she will compromise us. I felt a little trust issue growing within me. The next 11 months went fairly smooth especailly the last six months. No arguements what so ever. I took her on a long west coast trip (very expensive), bought her xbox 360 for christmas, and for her birthday ... U2 concert tickets in another city with a surprise stay at fantasyland hotel . Her childhood dream. Build alot of good memories. I treated this girl well. Didnt yell at her once or call a her any name. She always remined me how good I am to her. But dont mistake this for being a doormat. I wasnt. I had my own hobbies and passion. eg golf So we are out Friday night at a restaurant and she brings up the topic of breaking up and I say I would rather you break up with me now then when things are serious, which I still believe in and am glad I said it. When we leave she says she cannot see herself without me. This is two days before she texts me at midnight, saying she needs time to see what she wants right now and cant see me Wednesday. I panic ... big big mistake ... and ran over to hers trying to settle the issue. She cries and cries and tells me she is young and this life is too much for her and I make her feel very young when I pay for dinners and etc yadaa yada yada I shouldnt have showed up. We end up talking it out through the night and when I leave in the morning she says she still doesnt know what she is gonna do. Weekend comes and I find out through phone that she is gonna break up with me. She has to no other way finding out if there are better guys for her out there. I was hurt really bad. After two or three weeks of pleading, I went NC for a month, broke it with an unreplied text that said I wish I had said somethings differently during the time we were together but we cant be together anymore and I have had NC for the past month again. She deleted me off facebook right away among othere things. And she start dating someone else right away too. She added this guy to her friends list during the time when she need thinking and space. She may have cheated on me. Anyways this guy is butt ugly, works the same place she does (starbucks) and who knows what else. I really dont know him. I am very secure financially, made her life, she was almost always happy around me and felt I was too good looking for her. Her family told her that too. I dont have my nose up my butt ... but I guess its a shot at my ego. I miss her dearly but I can no longer be with her. She betrayed me and has no sense of loyalty. I may love her still and dream about us. I dont think this is a GIGs case but I really dont know. Any thoughts, advice and input would be appreciated. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]
zlatnapolja Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I should start off with a bit of history. I am 27 years of age, originally from Afghanistan. Although I am not religious but rather very liberal, I still hold the core values that come from my culture. I dont look at other woman or think about other woman when I am in a relationship. And naturally I expect the same out of my girl/woman. Like most guys I dont like other men looking at whats mine. Its not jealousy or insecurity. Its the idea that just because I have a gem doesnt mean I have to show boat it. She is 20 and of hungarian decent. Bit of an age gap difference. I asked her out over facebook and we hit it off right away. She is not in to partying, doesnt drink and quit eating pork (her decision) within the first few weeks of us dating. When her mother asked what if I ask her to convert to my religion, her answer was "so" ... even though I wouldnt have. Well these qualities in her made me think she could be the one. Two months in to our relationship and she says I have to know something ... she has feelings for some guy who she once worked with in a camp. Lives far away but regardless I thought of ending it now before I am too attached. Instead I asked her to choose and cut off contact so she can get over him. She agrees. A month later its new years eve, just the two of us and she passes out for no good reason at ten thirty. I grab her labtop and go to facebook. She is logged in and I get tempted to look at her messages. She has been in contact and the guy is coming to town to stay at her place. I get uneasy and ask her (without telling her I looked in to her facebook) if she has had contact and she says not since a month ago and then changes that to "yesterday". Anyhow I tell her to stop contact and dont put herself into a situation where she will compromise us. I felt a little trust issue growing within me. The next 11 months went fairly smooth especailly the last six months. No arguements what so ever. I took her on a long west coast trip (very expensive), bought her xbox 360 for christmas, and for her birthday ... U2 concert tickets in another city with a surprise stay at fantasyland hotel . Her childhood dream. Build alot of good memories. I treated this girl well. Didnt yell at her once or call a her any name. She always remined me how good I am to her. But dont mistake this for being a doormat. I wasnt. I had my own hobbies and passion. eg golf So we are out Friday night at a restaurant and she brings up the topic of breaking up and I say I would rather you break up with me now then when things are serious, which I still believe in and am glad I said it. When we leave she says she cannot see herself without me. This is two days before she texts me at midnight, saying she needs time to see what she wants right now and cant see me Wednesday. I panic ... big big mistake ... and ran over to hers trying to settle the issue. She cries and cries and tells me she is young and this life is too much for her and I make her feel very young when I pay for dinners and etc yadaa yada yada I shouldnt have showed up. We end up talking it out through the night and when I leave in the morning she says she still doesnt know what she is gonna do. Weekend comes and I find out through phone that she is gonna break up with me. She has to no other way finding out if there are better guys for her out there. I was hurt really bad. After two or three weeks of pleading, I went NC for a month, broke it with an unreplied text that said I wish I had said somethings differently during the time we were together but we cant be together anymore and I have had NC for the past month again. She deleted me off facebook right away among othere things. And she start dating someone else right away too. She added this guy to her friends list during the time when she need thinking and space. She may have cheated on me. Anyways this guy is butt ugly, works the same place she does (starbucks) and who knows what else. I really dont know him. I am very secure financially, made her life, she was almost always happy around me and felt I was too good looking for her. Her family told her that too. I dont have my nose up my butt ... but I guess its a shot at my ego. I miss her dearly but I can no longer be with her. She betrayed me and has no sense of loyalty. I may love her still and dream about us. I dont think this is a GIGs case but I really dont know. Any thoughts, advice and input would be appreciated. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] I think you are way more mature than she is! I think you're at a point in your life where you know what you want. She isnt. I think she may regret her decision based one what you're telling us, but I dont know her so I really cant judge.. How long have you two been together? You know its always difficult when two different cultures mix... I know from experience. However it doesnt mean you cant make it work. How long has it been since the two of you broke up?
Author Dragonsden Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 We dated for 15 months and seperatrd three months ago (second week of November). She announced on Facebook she is dating x person now and "loves every minutes of it." She is immature but that doesn't ease the pain. I have come along way and take this as a good experience. In some ways I hope she comes back just so I can say I told you so and sometimes I think everyone is entitled to their happiness and she deserves her share. At my expense but still nonetheless.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Actually shes the emotionally mature one. She was honest with you and told you she was attached to another guy. You should have walked away at this point. You became the rebound once these words were spoken. The consequences of your pain are upon you now. You tried winning her love with buying you things instead of emotional support She was honest with herself and you. You weren't. You went after a girl who had an attachment with another guy
Author Dragonsden Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Actually shes the emotionally mature one. She was honest with you and told you she was attached to another guy. You should have walked away at this point. You became the rebound once these words were spoken. The consequences of your pain are upon you now. You tried winning her love with buying you things instead of emotional support She was honest with herself and you. You weren't. You went after a girl who had an attachment with another guy She told me that they had agreed that it wasn't going to work out because of the distance. That I have nothing to worry about. I was sitting across from her and as I looked towards the door, contemplating about leaving, she says "I think the distance between us is more than it should be". I didn't leave and thought we could get through that and we did. You are right though but she convinced me other wise. I should also say that her father is a born again Christian and did not like me.
Author Dragonsden Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 I should clear the fact that who she is dating now is not the same guy she once had feelings for.
CaliBabe Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 It's simply the age. She's 20, theres so much more for her to experience. I understand her.
Philosoraptor Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I should clear the fact that who she is dating now is not the same guy she once had feelings for. Well it really shouldn't matter. She didn't pick a "lesser" guy as stated in your thread title. She picked the person she felt she would be happier with, had more compatibility with, etc. There could be millions of reasons. People get caught up in the terms lesser and better. It's neither as I don't really believe (outside of the truly evil) that anyone is better than anyone else. One might be more compatible, but not better as a person.
Author Dragonsden Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Well it really shouldn't matter. She didn't pick a "lesser" guy as stated in your thread title. She picked the person she felt she would be happier with, had more compatibility with, etc. There could be millions of reasons. People get caught up in the terms lesser and better. It's neither as I don't really believe (outside of the truly evil) that anyone is better than anyone else. One might be more compatible, but not better as a person. I agree and I have thought of that. But I think you have to work and compromise for any relationship to be successful. She was always happy when I saw her. She said she was having second thoughts when she was not with me. I did not see the break up coming to say the least. I think when the dust has settled and her "high" comes down she may feel a bit regretful. I hope she stays happy and things work out for her.
Ariadne Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Salam Dragonsden, Well, you seem to have it all together and treated her well... But she was too young at 20, although in your culture women may be getting married then, in America it's very young. She probably got scared for all the pressure and wanted be free and date someone from Starbucks with no pressure. What can you do. Allah knows best.
zlatnapolja Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 We dated for 15 months and seperatrd three months ago (second week of November). She announced on Facebook she is dating x person now and "loves every minutes of it." She is immature but that doesn't ease the pain. I have come along way and take this as a good experience. In some ways I hope she comes back just so I can say I told you so and sometimes I think everyone is entitled to their happiness and she deserves her share. At my expense but still nonetheless. Let her go... Its very mature of you to feel like she's entitled to her share of happiness, its true! It s*cks that her happiness is at your expence though... Let her go! She's not ready for a relationship yet appearently. On the other hand.. you are! And I think there are plenty of sweet girls for you! But what I also think is this: you keep talking about how you spoiled her... You want someone to take care of, and I get the feeling that you attract girls that NEED to be taken care of. In other words: girls with issues... Girls that dont have issues vv that are more independent may not seem as attractive to you? Maybe I'm wrong, but thats what I think..
coltsfan1 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Good question... I ask myself that question any time I see a girl who has picked any one but me! well put!!
Author Dragonsden Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 Salaam Ariadne! I think that is somewhat true. People often stay with those that treat them along the lines of their self perceived self esteem. Thanks for your input Ziatnapolja. I have let her go and wish her the best. I have a good life and am greatful for being so fortunate. I don't wish to be with girls that have issues. I don't think anyone would. She however had a rough childhood and I am empathetic as I also did not have the greatest childhood. She does have issues. Doesn't seem happy with herself and that is why I don't think her next relationship will prevail.
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