blackwidow290 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. When we started dating, he would make comparisons with me and previous girls he had dated. One comparison he made twice, once the second month and then after 7 months of dating with a girl whose name he specifically mentioned. I can see that he's friends with her on facebook. my problem: I've asked him whether he has any ex-s on facebook and he has sworn that he has deleted all of them. Yet he doesnt recal this slip up about telling me her name and details. He also mentioned that she eventually left him for one of his buddies and on facebook, i can see that shes married. I know he loves me, but it drives me nuts that he keeps her on facebook and repeatedly denies having any exes on there. What does it mean? also, i've seen that he hasn't been in contact with her since 2009, but why lie to me? why mention her so often (until i told him to please stop it or i'd leave). why would he lie Edited February 14, 2012 by blackwidow290
phineas Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Guys that compare current GF's to ex's are running the mind Fuark. They know you are more insecure than other women & they do it so you will work harder to keep them. Seriously, i've seen it done by men to women enough times & i've seen women get the treatment also. The guys basically make them feel like their not good enough & the women still stay with them. If a woman I was dating started comparing me to her ex's i'd tell her she's now free to go back to any one of them & delete her number. Seriously. Why put yourself through that? Find a guy who respects you.
ja123 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) I can only tell you what I'm feeling about your situation in regards to what happened to me.... My ex used to bring up his exes without beig asked. As it turns out it was because he was quite insecure. It really hurt me because it was unnecessary. We all have pasts, no problem. But I had the decency not to talk about my exes to him. As time passed ... it was his insecurities that did us in. What I realize now is that I should have just seen his insecurities as his problem (as I certainly did nothing to provoke him, quite the opposite, I found myself pumping up his ego.) And to have realized that if someone is insecure that it doesn't bode well for the relationship in the long-term and that they should work on their insecurities before attempting to have a relationship and making the other person fodder. In short, there were red flags and I should have cut it short and moved on immediately. It is possible, since he hasn't communicated with his ex since 2009 that he's forgotten about it. And I also wonder if you're not being too insecure on the fact that he has her on his FB. Though, my overall feeling is that you wouldn't be insecure if you didn't feel there was some kind of game being played on his part. I haven't heard his side of the story. But my overall feeling is that there's some under-handed game-playing going on which makes the prognosis for a good LTR developing slim. Do you have a lot going on in your life: good friends, a personal passion, etc.? Focus on those, I'd say. In other words, don't make this guy (or anyone!) the one and only center of your universe. If you're strong and healthy, then you will attract other strong and healthy people, and naturally repel those who aren't. Edited February 14, 2012 by ja123
Author blackwidow290 Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 thank you for your response. I appreciate it. I need to clarify the nature of the comparisons, they meant that you're better whereas the specific person that I mention above, he told me how she reacted to meeting his friends, how some joke was said, and how she left him. Since I told him about the comparisons or the old stories, he hasn't brought anything up (over a year). However, it bothers me that he would lie about this specific person that he mentioned, keeping her on facebook, when he says he has no exes on there. Lying just hurts.
Author blackwidow290 Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 ja123, thank you for your kind response. I also feel that if there's lying, it is a sign of something underhanded going on. also, insecurity and comparisons should have been a red flag to me also.
phineas Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Ok. I've known both men & women compare ex's to currents in a way to make the ex's "better" but not quality people. It's a game to them it seems. But, if someone is bringing up an ex that way maybe they are the insecure ones like ja123 said.
Cypress25 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I need to clarify the nature of the comparisons, they meant that you're better whereas the specific person that I mention above, he told me how she reacted to meeting his friends, how some joke was said, and how she left him. It doesn't matter if the comparison is in your favor, it's still bad. I once dated a guy who constantly compared me to his ex, in a way that was supposed to make me feel that I was better than her. Really, he was just complaining about her, and I really didn't want to hear him bitch about his ex-gf. Finally I pointed out to him that it's rude to compare your current gf to your ex, and he was like "No, I'm saying you're better than her!" I was like "Why do I have to be anything in relation to her? Why can't I just be my own person, instead of always being measured against your ex?" Do you want to know the reason? It's because he was still obsessed with her. He couldn't stop thinking about her, and so he couldn't stop talking about her. Any guy who talks about his ex a lot is still hung up on her. Ask yourself this: How much do you know about her? If you've never met her, how come you know so much about her? Because your boyfriend can't stop blabbing about her? Yeah, that's bad.
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