blondie52 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) This will be kinda long but I don't know how to explain the issue without background info... I've been with my boyfriend for quite a while now. When we met, neither of us were in a place to get into a relationship but we enjoyed each other's company and eventually became friends with benefits. About a year later we found ourselves together every day and falling in love and became an official couple, and no I didn't force it, he asked me. That was 2 years ago now. We are long distance at this point since I am still finishing my college degree and he works full time in another city, which is what it is. We are close and he is my best friend, we can talk about anything which is EXCELLENT and I love being his friends but sometimes I miss that romantic part. I know he cares because he listens to me and is always there to help me with whatever big or small as much as you can in an LDR, but I feel like whenever we go out we might as well be friends. So it's one thing when we are out with friends, especially with single friends, I can understand refraining from PDA, because we are out to enjoy time with our friends and not just each other. On dates and stuff though [not that we ever have "dates" but when we go out to dinner and stuff], I feel like HELLOOO you can at least hold my hand or flirt or SOMETHING. And he never plans anything or even bothers to get a card for things like anniversaries, birthdays, valentine's day etc. and I don't need much, just a little EFFORT to show he can be romantic and loves me. It doesn't even have to cost money, a hand written card that was free would be worth more than a million roses. Just a little something. Of course I've tried explaining this before but it just never seems to stick. I don't think I should have to tell him how to make me happy. I also don't like having to choose between hiding my disappointment and getting in a fight. And I know he has done these things for exes, which just kind of hurts my feelings like I am not special enough to cook dinner for but she was. Am I being ridiculous asking for a little more? We won't see each other tomorrow for V-Day because he has work and I have a midterm the next day anyway, so this weekend I gave him a card and some of his favorite candies just to say I was thinking about him. Of course he didn't get anything but he told me about how his mom told him to surprise me with a steak dinner and he thought it was ridiculous. Our anniversary is coming up again and I just want a little acknowledgement, and maybe before then a way to communicate this need in a way that will finally stick without feeling like a prick. Edited February 14, 2012 by blondie52
ja123 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 It sounds to me that he didn't have to work up much of a sweat to get you because you were FWB for so long. I think friendship is the foundation for a great relationship; but can be like a comfortable old shoe, in a manner of speaking. What it seems you are looking for is the 'magic' and 'romance' of a budding relationship, but that went out the door when you were his FWB. It's too bad, but he is unlikely to change now after two years of being in a relationship with you. It sounds like he's gotten lazy, and is taking you for granted. What you need to decide is whether or not you can live with this.
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