EgoJoe Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Dale Carnegie says in his book, "How To Win Friends and Influence People." "Assign a certain amount of anxiety that you are willing to tolerate from any given thing and when it surpasses it, let it go" I thought I was letting it go but my own ego and pride lamented me for half a year and then after the holidays and a month of frequent dreams I stooped and did a little bit of FB stalking. What I found out confirmed my intuition due to deductive reasoning, to a point. I contacted, she defended and then I attacked with everything I had held back and turned the other cheek about. I kept it above the belt due to some advice and even threw in a snotty "when you grow up, i'd love to hear how you and your life turned out" but that was really only to pave the way for admittance and an apology as I do not want that girl back. I sit here now at a cusp, I am ready to actually let go of the pain etc. and I still regret not throwing the truth in her face instead of lamblasting with a passive approach that I had before I knew in order to vindicate myself and "save face." I don't hate my Ex-GF but she claims I helped break her when her actions alone undid us and she refused to take every single out. I still have the longing to say, "I know about (his name) and I deliberately baited you to watch you lie more and let you have what I held back before I knew." I don't think that line of thought is healthy and I want to let it go. So, I think to myself now is the time to move on completely, I haven't wanted this girl back for a long time but I've held on to the pain, shame and feelings of inadequacy. I've held on to the anger and the rage despite not showing her any of this until the other day. I make this post to vent but I also make this post to make it clear that "All the things left unsaid." can eventually bite you in the butt and I would never suggest holding on to all of it after a significant amount of NC. After a month or two of NC I think it is wise to get it all out, one way or another. I've been ready to move on completely for a long time and have been afraid because the pain itself serves as my last tie to a girl who has clearly forgotten about me. I have learned so much but none of it matters because when I am emotional cheese has a higher IQ and this is something for guys to know, the more your mind is rooted in logic the more unclear your mind will be when you are emotional. Putting space between the catalyst and the response is very healthy. Never accept BS rhetoric and cliche lines from your GF, Ex-gf, Wife, and Ex-Wife etc. There comes a point when the only thing a guy can do is walk away, you say your piece and walk away. For the girls, the above can also be said for you but it can also serve as an example of the #1 thing that drives guys away from you if the issue is not maturity or feelings for someone else. The power struggle stage in a relationship is especially hard on guys and we get scared because we give an inch trying to make a partnership and Women can be prone to take a mile. A lot of Women fail this test and think that it is perfectly acceptable to say one thing and mean another. When it comes to matters of the heart this is unacceptable and will drive him to resent you. The point of this post is a vent to a degree but I wanted to make it clear that you must define a limit within yourself and say, "Enough is enough. I no longer desire to hold on to this pain. I have had it, I am better than this, I am more than a broken-heart, I am more than a wounded pride, I am more than a vindictive Ego and I refuse to waste another second, minute, moment, hour, morning, afternoon, day, week, month or year thinking about a person that does not extend the same courtesy towards me. I am worthy of love and I will rise from the ashes of this to become better." Remember your own nature. If you're confrontational, confront if you don't want to then don't but don't take advice that doesn't sit well with your inner character. I did and it was great advice for the time but I let it sit for so long that it became a problem in itself.
Recommended Posts