Eternal Sunshine Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I think that I primarily go by what I am feeling towards someone. My ex was great on paper, but I lacked attraction and really feeling deeply in love. Having said that, I have been known to lose attraction if I go back to a guy's place and it's something I would never see myself living in. I generally don't even date guys that are not degree educated and don't have a good/stable job. Learning from my past experience, I never want to date anyone that doesn't find me irresistible physically. BTW I don't think that you are being unreasonable. If ambition is important to you then by all means seek that. At your age - you can afford to be picky.
Cypress25 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 When I think of settling, it's giving somebody a chance even if they don't make a great impression right away and you don't think their looks are amazing. It's taking the time to find out who they are. No, hon. Settling is more long-term. Giving someone a chance, taking the time to find out who they are, that's not settling. Giving someone a chance, getting to know them, discovering that you're not happy with them but staying in a relationship with them anyway...THAT is settling. And it shocks me how many women refuse to do that. That they refuse to even give anybody the time of day if he's not her prince. From what you've described, it sounds like women do take the time to get to know you. They spend a lot of platonic time with you, which you don't like because it puts you in the friend zone, but it certainly gives those women a chance to find out who you are. If they still don't want to date you...well, it's not because they wouldn't give you the time of day. Unless your idea of "giving someone a chance" is to have sex with someone you're not remotely attracted to, just for the hell of it. That's called "pity sex." You don't really expect women to have pity sex with you, do you? Girls, does that really mean you would not consider it settling, to be in a relationship where u work harder because u have more ambition, make more money as a result, and are aware of being a faster learner, having more common sense, and better organizational skills than your spouse? If those things bother you to the point that you feel unsatisfied with the relationship overall, then you probably are settling. I also need to be in a relationship where my intellectual needs are being met, but for me, that means having a partner who is capable of intelligent, engaging conversation and who likes to talk about current events, his favorite books and authors, maybe even the occasional political or philosophical debate. It would annoy me if he didn't have any common sense, but I don't really care about the other stuff. If you're a very ambitious person, having less ambition than you doesn't mean he has no ambition. It could mean you have too much. (Ambition is great, but too much ambition is downright annoying. Overly ambitious people are never satisfied with what they have.) And people have different priorities. Some people care more about what they do in their free time than what they do at work. A friend of mine left her full-time job for a part-time job because she wanted to devote more time to volunteer work and her painting hobby. By your standards, I guess she doesn't work hard enough and she's not ambitious enough. But making money and climbing the corporate ladder are not her top priorities. So is that the case with the guys you date, or are they just lazy and apathetic in general?
binny Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Giving someone a chance, getting to know them, discovering that you're not happy with them but staying in a relationship with them anyway...THAT is settling. Agreed! To me, settling is knowing that you would be happier single than with the other person. I always hear about lists/standards that people have for what they want in their ideal partner. I personally think about it differently. I have a list of what I would NOT tolerate in my ideal partner. If he satisfies that list, then what have you got to loose by giving him a chance?
Recommended Posts