Let down by a friend, unsure how to react...

[Bluetone]

Hey there,

 

I'm new here, spent some time lurking a few years ago, reading advice when getting over a break up, in a predicament and thought I'd look here for advice or maybe I just need to vent.

 

I'm currently in the process of moving to London, but as I live overseas (albeit a very small sea) I was offered, by a friend, somewhere to stay while I find somewhere to live and sort myself out.

 

This goes back a year and a half, I decided to make a career change, but said career is impossible where I live, so I decided to move.

 

Come May, I bumped into an old friend/client, totally random in a different country, told her my ambitions, she told me to call her when I was back home, which I did. She offered to help, she offered me the use of her flat in London for a couple of months while I sort my life out over there.

 

Having made some contacts and picked up some work to support myself and come November I asked her if I could take her up on her offer. She was very encouraging and asked in exchange, where I could build her a website for her business, which I agreed to, we shook on it.

 

I gave my notice on my flat, moved out at the end of December, ready to start a new life in London in January.

 

It's now the middle of February and I'm yet to make that move, since the turn of the year, she has put it off and put it off. At the start of February I was told that the flat isn't available as she has friends and family staying. She's claiming this is due to unforeseen things, but I know that she knew full well about some of these things a couple of months prior, but she said it wouldn't be a problem.

 

I found out a week ago that she has a second flat, which was empty until March, which she said I could stay in until then, but I would have to wait until she furnished it (for the tenant moving in in March). She's dragging her feet on this also, so I'm feeling as though I've been left hanging.

 

Over the past two months I've kept up my end of the deal and worked hard getting a website up for her company.

 

In that time she has also been trying to get my name around as she works in the same industry that I'm trying to break into. Now, I appreciate that, although nothing has come of it, having someone do that for you is invaluable and I'll be ever grateful. But, at the same time, I do feel hard done by, when we shook on a deal, which led to me giving up my flat and nearly giving up my cat to strangers before my parents offered to take her on.

 

At this point I don't think anything will come of either flat, her boyfriend is moving into her personal flat in March and her second flat is occupied in March as well, so it looks like I'll have to make alternative arrangements.

 

I figure I can say nothing, take it on the chin and take a lesson from it, but I feel like I wouldn't have much self respect if I didn't at least say something, point out that I've done my part and how I've been let down.

 

Any opinion or insight would be appreciated or if you just want to pat me on the head and say "there, there", that would be cool too. )

 

If not, thanks for taking the time to read anyway.

 

Peter

[SpiralOut]

That's not something that a friend would do. Not a good one, anyway.

 

It might be best that you say something to her. Otherwise later down the road you might regret not taking the chance to tell her that she acted like a jerk.

 

As for how to tell her that exactly, I'm not sure. I have a similar problem with figuring out how to tell someone they act like an a**hole.

 

Good luck

[pie2]

There, there...lol

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this. As much as I think saying something (albiet a mild grievance you might express) would be fitting, this girl could also have the power to tarnish your working reputation...the same way she has had the influence to spread a positive word about you

 

I would say rise above, move on, and be cheerful with her if your paths ever cross again.

 

I know you'll make it, and have the most wonderful time Your new life in London sounds like it will be amazing (hopefully sooner, rather than later)!

[Bluetone]

There, there...

 

lol, thanks Pie!

 

Thanks to both you and Spiral for your input, much appreciated.

 

In the end I had to push her about the second flat and whether her offer to use it was still open. As expected she backed out of that as well. Took several goes to get a definite answer about the whole situation, it was hard to get a straight answer out of her!

 

There are reasons that the offers aren't open, but I did tell her that I needed to know or I'm just being left hanging with expectations that won't come to fruition. She said she understood, but no apology, she didn't really seem that bothered, like water off a ducks back. Although she is asking round her friends for short term accommodation, so I guess actions speak louder than words, of course that's if she really does ask around.

 

Unfortunately it doesn't do much for future dealings when it comes to trust apart from diminish it.

 

Atleast I now know where I stand after several months of being strung along and going no where, I can now make new plans and move forward.

 

Thanks again for your comments, a combination of both pieces of advice seemed to do the trick, showing a bit of self respect and understanding and moving on.

 

Peter