HeartOnSleeve Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Here's my situation: I've backed off from the guy I have been seeing on and off for a year and in the mean time I have met two other men. These two men are friends (Guy A and B). Guy A and I met originally, good chemistry (have kissed) etc. and then I met Guy B through him and he pursued me as well, nice guy (never kissed him). I have made of my mind that I want to see what happens with Guy A, but I need to tell Guy B that it's not a good idea for us to see each other since they are friends and talk etc. Don't want to cause any drama for them. Was just going to tell Guy B that I wanted to see where things went with Guy A and that he and I should not see each other etc. I mean technically nothing happened between us but Guy B did mention to Guy A that he saw me twice and Guy A was not thrilled. Just curious on what this community thinks is the best way to tell Guy B we should be friends without offending him and causing any drama. Thanks!
chelsea2011 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) Good for you for considering guy B's feelings and have decided to treat him with respect by telling him so he can let go and move on. If only everyone was that considerate. My suggestion is that you tell guy B that met guy A first and you're interested in him and would like to see where things go. Let him know that you would feel more comfortable if you both stopped hanging with each other out of respect for guy A. If he's decent he will respect that. With that said, are guy A and B good friends or just aquaintences? If they are good friends, how did you feel seeing both of them? That is worth taking a look at because, in a sense, if they are friends, you over-stepped a boundary (as did guy B) getting involved with both even if there was no kissing. The intent was still there. It puts everyone in a precarious position and also creates an atmosphere of distrust. Just something you might want to consider moving forward. If I introduced a guy I was beginning to date to a friend and they went on a date together afterward, I would be totally upset! I would feel betrayed actually, by both of them. I wouldn't be able to trust either one after finding that out. BTDT and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. Your post seems to indicate that they are aquaintences, but it would still be uncomfortable though. Edited February 13, 2012 by chelsea2011
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Thanks and yes I don't want to cause any stress for either of them so best to let Guy B know where my heart is at rather then just ignoring him. Actually it felt HORRIBLE! I did not like it which is why I came to the conclusion pretty quickly rather then getting even more involved with either at the same time. They are pretty close so it was really difficult and strange. Not something I would suggest or ever do again. It was only really a week and that was enough for me. Plus I respect both guys and would hate to cause their relationship any friction. On another note, I never lied to either of them about what I was doing and where I was. So I was never being shady or dishonest. Here's to hoping Guy B is understanding. Fingers crossed.
chelsea2011 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Honesty is the best in this situation since it's out in the open now. Clear the slate and put it behind you. Once you do that, afterward, if any drama ensues, it will be between Guy A and B. And honestly, if guy A has any residual issues, it should be with guy B because they were friends. You might have to work through some trust issues with guy A by proving to him that it's him and only him that you're interested in and always have been. Be willing to hear his concerns and be understanding if he is angry or distant for little while until he gets past it. His world was shaken up a bit, so he may question things until he regains his trust. Don't take it personal, just reassure him and be willing to answer any questions he has about why you went on a date with his friend. The silver lining is, if the relationship survives this test and grows because of it, you may end up with a nice strong foundation to build upon.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Perfectly stated Chelsea2011! Thank you!
chelsea2011 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Perfectly stated Chelsea2011! Thank you! Youv are very welcome! I'm glad it helped. Good luck!
Krios Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Finally, because that one guy you've been pursuing and waiting for wasn't stepping up to the plate.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Krios....YUP! I really gave him the benefit of the doubt but just can't wait forever. I figured a year would be my breaking point Excited about getting to know Guy A! Thanks!
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