I cant get past a week without nc

[lovelylashes]

Hi all,

 

Ive been on this site for a while now and its like therapy for me lol. I thought id have a go of starting a thread myself as I really need some advice.

 

I cant seem to go more than a week without texting my ex boyfriend. I always say im going to be strong, move on and forget him and when im around people its fine because im distracted , but there is always that moment when im alone and the temptation to text him is too much. And lets just say his response's dont always make me feel great. Thats when he bothers to text back at all.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation, and if so what did you do to stop yourself from texting him/her. Oh and one more thing, he dumped me and yet im still chasing him

 

Any thoughts guys/girls

[Chs]

Sounds exactly like me. Except mine already has a new guy, but i still keep foolishly hoping and contacting her. The longest i went without contact was 2 weeks, and it actually felt pretty easy by then. I didn't feel like contacting anymore at all, that was until she did it, now i am back at it again.

 

But really, the only reason i could last 2 weeks was because i deleted her number and forbid myself to search it on the internet. The little extra effort to get in contact was enough for me to restrain myself, i can only recommend it.

 

But truly i think that it's more about healing and moving on that keeping NC. When all you do during NC is think about your ex partner and contact, then you aren't really healing at all you are just stuck inbetween and it's a horrible feeling.

[BoredAgain]

Delete his number from your cell phone, and take up a new hobby to distract yourself more.

[Zahara]

His texts don't make you feel great and he sometimes doesn't even bother to text back.

 

Doesn't that make you cringe everytime you want to text? Doesn't it translate to you that he doesn't have any respect for you or even likes hearing from you? Doesn't that make you want to stay away even more rather than continue throwing yourself on him?

 

I hate to be harsh but at some point you have to actively think about what your self-respect means to you and what it means to let go for the sake of your sanity.

 

Whenever you feel the urge to text, consciously think about the outcome. If everytime you've texted and received the same results, then when does it kick into your head that it's more than likely, you will again get the same results? What is your objective in texting when you get nothing back?

 

When you aren't able to distract yourself and you feel the need to text, stop yourself and self talk. Think about what you are doing. It's very easy to react and it's become a habit for you. You have to break it. When you want to react, give yourself time to let the urge pass, and it will always pass. Reacting is emotionally driven.

 

You have to start thinking and being proactive in how to keep no contact rather than just throwing your hands up and saying that you can't. If that were the rule, we'd all be just like you. Until you start putting yourself first, realizing that it's a futile effort and begin valuing yourself, then maybe you will have good reasons to want to keep on holding onto NC.

 

He dumped you and you keep chasing him? Again, find your self-respect.

[lovelylashes]

I really wish I didnt know his number but ive deleted it and reentered it in my phone that much that I know it from memory . Thanks for the advice though. I am usually pretty busy in the daytime but its just before I go to bed I get this uncontrollable urge to text and then I hate myself for doin it.

 

I also want to get to the two week point of NC. I think then ill feel stronger and having got that far I wont want to have to start the NC process all over again.

[Zahara]

I really wish I didnt know his number but ive deleted it and reentered it in my phone that much that I know it from memory . Thanks for the advice though. I am usually pretty busy in the daytime but its just before I go to bed I get this uncontrollable urge to text and then I hate myself for doin it.

 

I also want to get to the two week point of NC. I think then ill feel stronger and having got that far I wont want to have to start the NC process all over again.

 

Please, please stop texting him.

 

When you chase a man this way, he loses all respect for you. It's the most unattractive thing to chase someone that does not want to be chased.

 

There is nothing you can gain from your behavior.

[lovelylashes]

His texts don't make you feel great and he sometimes doesn't even bother to text back.

 

Doesn't that make you cringe everytime you want to text? Doesn't it translate to you that he doesn't have any respect for you or even likes hearing from you? Doesn't that make you want to stay away even more rather than continue throwing yourself on him?

 

I hate to be harsh but at some point you have to actively think about what your self-respect means to you and what it means to let go for the sake of your sanity.

 

Whenever you feel the urge to text, consciously think about the outcome. If everytime you've texted and received the same results, then when does it kick into your head that it's more than likely, you will again get the same results? What is your objective in texting when you get nothing back?

 

When you aren't able to distract yourself and you feel the need to text, stop yourself and self talk. Think about what you are doing. It's very easy to react and it's become a habit for you. You have to break it. When you want to react, give yourself time to let the urge pass, and it will always pass. Reacting is emotionally driven.

 

You have to start thinking and being proactive in how to keep no contact rather than just throwing your hands up and saying that you can't. If that were the rule, we'd all be just like you. Until you start putting yourself first, realizing that it's a futile effort and begin valuing yourself, then maybe you will have good reasons to want to keep on holding onto NC.

 

He dumped you and you keep chasing him? Again, find your self-respect.

 

I tell myself every day that im wasting my time and I should walk away with dignity and self respect but when you love someone, it doesnt matter how they treat you, you just cling on to that little bit of hope that they will realise they have made a mistake and come running back to you. Thats pathetic but I cant help my feelings.

[lovelylashes]

His texts don't make you feel great and he sometimes doesn't even bother to text back.

 

Doesn't that make you cringe everytime you want to text? Doesn't it translate to you that he doesn't have any respect for you or even likes hearing from you? Doesn't that make you want to stay away even more rather than continue throwing yourself on him?

 

I hate to be harsh but at some point you have to actively think about what your self-respect means to you and what it means to let go for the sake of your sanity.

 

Whenever you feel the urge to text, consciously think about the outcome. If everytime you've texted and received the same results, then when does it kick into your head that it's more than likely, you will again get the same results? What is your objective in texting when you get nothing back?

 

When you aren't able to distract yourself and you feel the need to text, stop yourself and self talk. Think about what you are doing. It's very easy to react and it's become a habit for you. You have to break it. When you want to react, give yourself time to let the urge pass, and it will always pass. Reacting is emotionally driven.

 

You have to start thinking and being proactive in how to keep no contact rather than just throwing your hands up and saying that you can't. If that were the rule, we'd all be just like you. Until you start putting yourself first, realizing that it's a futile effort and begin valuing yourself, then maybe you will have good reasons to want to keep on holding onto NC.

 

He dumped you and you keep chasing him? Again, find your self-respect.

 

Please, please stop texting him.

 

When you chase a man this way, he loses all respect for you. It's the most unattractive thing to chase someone that does not want to be chased.

 

There is nothing you can gain from your behavior.

 

You are so right, I suppose its just good to hear the truth sometimes, usually my friends dont even try and stop me from texting him, especially when im drunk.

[lovelylashes]

Sounds exactly like me. Except mine already has a new guy, but i still keep foolishly hoping and contacting her. The longest i went without contact was 2 weeks, and it actually felt pretty easy by then. I didn't feel like contacting anymore at all, that was until she did it, now i am back at it again.

 

But really, the only reason i could last 2 weeks was because i deleted her number and forbid myself to search it on the internet. The little extra effort to get in contact was enough for me to restrain myself, i can only recommend it.

 

But truly i think that it's more about healing and moving on that keeping NC. When all you do during NC is think about your ex partner and contact, then you aren't really healing at all you are just stuck inbetween and it's a horrible feeling.

 

But how did you stop yourself from thinking about her. Even when im busy although i dont have time to stop and text, he still pops into my head and its sooo annoying.

[Zahara]

I tell myself every day that im wasting my time and I should walk away with dignity and self respect but when you love someone, it doesnt matter how they treat you, you just cling on to that little bit of hope that they will realise they have made a mistake and come running back to you. Thats pathetic but I cant help my feelings.

 

Lovely, I've been there.

 

Trust me, if your hope was to get him back, you just did yourself a huge injustice by chasing him. It's only pushed him further away.

 

And that is why I am saying you have to stop reacting. You react when you are emotionally driven. When that happens you have to let your head step in and ask yourself a few hard questions. When you get your answers, then you're able at least realize that while your feelings are strong, it's not going to change the circumstance and the effort is futile.

 

I have had feelings for my ex's and struggled through NC. Feelings is not justification to reach out to someone that does not want you.

 

Yes, you love him. But does he love you? What does it mean to you to force or entice someone to love you back? If he realized he made a mistake, don't you think he would recirprocate with loving texts and stop ignoring you? Think of the facts. You have to play both sides instead of surrendering to your feelings.

 

Everytime you want to text, visualize hitting send. Visualize his expression when he receives your text. Visualize him frowning and hitting delete. Visualize him sighing and forcing himself to respond while typing something unkind. Visualize him then going about his day like nothing ever happened.

 

Start thinking.

[Zahara]

But how did you stop yourself from thinking about her. Even when im busy although i dont have time to stop and text, he still pops into my head and its sooo annoying.

 

All this is normal. It's something you just have to go through. They will pop in your head all the time. Popping in your head does not equal reaching out.

 

It's an emotional attachment. Everything you are going through are normal feelings. They may be normal but it does not mean that you must reach out to comfort yourself from those thoughts. It just means that you love him and with the help of time, you will be able to remove yourself from the pain and hurt.

[lovelylashes]

Lovely, I've been there.

 

Trust me, if your hope was to get him back, you just did yourself a huge injustice by chasing him. It's only pushed him further away.

 

And that is why I am saying you have to stop reacting. You react when you are emotionally driven. When that happens you have to let your head step in and ask yourself a few hard questions. When you get your answers, then you're able at least realize that while your feelings are strong, it's not going to change the circumstance and the effort is futile.

 

I have had feelings for my ex's and struggled through NC. Feelings is not justification to reach out to someone that does not want you.

 

Yes, you love him. But does he love you? What does it mean to you to force or entice someone to love you back? If he realized he made a mistake, don't you think he would recirprocate with loving texts and stop ignoring you? Think of the facts. You have to play both sides instead of surrendering to your feelings.

 

Everytime you want to text, visualize hitting send. Visualize his expression when he receives your text. Visualize him frowning and hitting delete. Visualize him sighing and forcing himself to respond while typing something unkind. Visualize him then going about his day like nothing ever happened.

 

Start thinking.

 

Everything you have said makes complete sense, and yeah its harsh to listen to but thats what I need. I just wish i would have come on this site a little bit sooner and I could have saved myself alot of heartache. But the only way I can go from here is to listen to everyones advice and move on with my life. Thanks :)