artvandelay Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Hello. This is my first post here and after looking through the other threads I think this is a great place for me to get the advice I've been looking for. So here's the story. I've known this guy for two years, we've seen each other maybe six or seven times since I've met him, (not dates but just seeing him out and about) and we have good conversation and get along quite well. A couple days ago I was at a bar and he was there and he approached me. After a quick conversation I returned to my friends, and a while later I saw him and his friend leaving so I asked if I could walk with them to another bar where I was supposed to meet some people. He said sure, and we actually ended up at a different pub with his friends to play some pool. The whole night he was around me and didn't talk to any other girls, so I figured he must be into me. We ended up going back to his place that night. We slept together that night and again in the morning. He told me throughout the night how he likes hanging out with me, and he kept saying how we should go out again and do some things together that we both liked. In the morning he bought us breakfast and then he went to work and I went home. A few days passed and I hadn't heard from him so I sent him a message asking if he wanted to do something (very casual...) and it's been almost a week and he hasn't replied or made any effort to contact me, now I'm left confused about how he feels. Would he act like that if he only wanted to get in my pants? I'm not necessarily looking for anything serious, but I don't want to never see him again because I really do enjoy spending time with him and we get along great. Any opinions on this would be unbelievably helpful, I keep going over that night in my head trying to think if I did anything wrong but I can't seem to think of anything aside from sleeping with him too quickly (but we'd known each other for so long I didn't think it was a big deal). Thanks in advance.
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Don't contact him again. It seems that he got what he wanted, was nice about it (treating you to breakfast, saying nice things) at the time but now he's either changed his mind, isn't interested.. Sorry.
silvermercy Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 trying to think if I did anything wrong but I can't seem to think of anything aside from sleeping with him too quickly (but we'd known each other for so long I didn't think it was a big deal). That right there. Just because you knew him for so long (long being very relative with 6-7 non-dates) doesn't mean anything. Did you discuss anything like exclusivity before getting together? If not, well please don't be surprised he hasn't called you yet. If he wanted to, nothing would stop him from sending at least a few text messages. If he ever does, it will only be for a friends with benefits situation, but please don't oblige him because I have the feeling you will get attached (even if you say you want something non-serious, too). He's just not that into you, sorry...
jkim4 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 That right there. Just because you knew him for so long (long being very relative with 6-7 non-dates) doesn't mean anything. Did you discuss anything like exclusivity before getting together? If not, well please don't be surprised he hasn't called you yet. If he wanted to, nothing would stop him from sending at least a few text messages. If he ever does, it will only be for a friends with benefits situation, but please don't oblige him because I have the feeling you will get attached (even if you say you want something non-serious, too). He's just not that into you, sorry... I agree...
Author artvandelay Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Hmm, I feel like deep down I knew this was the case but I've been in denial. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thank you.
stillafool Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 After knowing him for two years and seeing him 6-7 times, it would seem if he was interested he would have asked you out by now. It was very conveinient for him to sleep with you the way the night went. I agree he was trying to be gentlemenly by buying you breakfast. His non response to your text is telling you everything you need to know which is to move on and not try to contact him anymore. If he were interested he would have contacted you especially since you slept with him. Good luck.
Author artvandelay Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 I guess the thing that bugs me the most is the way he's acted before. He would remember all the little things that I had said in passing months before, he introduced me to his friends and I got along with them, he was always very complimentary towards me and gentlemanly even when there was no chance that we would be sleeping together. I know he's a shy person but I don't want to make any excuses for him because I know you guys are right. If he were interested he would have made a move. I just hate that this is how things turned out, it's like I've lost a friend. Also, I know the 6-7 times is not much but in those times it was several hours/full days each time that we spent together, and we also both go out of town a lot for weeks/months at a time, he had a gf for the first 6 months we knew eachother, and I had a bf until a year ago as well so that kept us from moving forward. Ok now I'm just trying to justify what I did, I still realize you are all right!! Just trying to make myself feel better haha
turt Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Yes, we were both drunk He probably didn't intend to sleep with you and regrets it now.
chelsea2011 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) Hello. This is my first post here and after looking through the other threads I think this is a great place for me to get the advice I've been looking for. So here's the story. I've known this guy for two years, we've seen each other maybe six or seven times since I've met him, (not dates but just seeing him out and about) and we have good conversation and get along quite well. A couple days ago I was at a bar and he was there and he approached me. After a quick conversation I returned to my friends, and a while later I saw him and his friend leaving so I asked if I could walk with them to another bar where I was supposed to meet some people. He said sure, and we actually ended up at a different pub with his friends to play some pool. The whole night he was around me and didn't talk to any other girls, so I figured he must be into me. We ended up going back to his place that night. We slept together that night and again in the morning. He told me throughout the night how he likes hanging out with me, and he kept saying how we should go out again and do some things together that we both liked. In the morning he bought us breakfast and then he went to work and I went home. A few days passed and I hadn't heard from him so I sent him a message asking if he wanted to do something (very casual...) and it's been almost a week and he hasn't replied or made any effort to contact me, now I'm left confused about how he feels. Would he act like that if he only wanted to get in my pants? I'm not necessarily looking for anything serious, but I don't want to never see him again because I really do enjoy spending time with him and we get along great. Any opinions on this would be unbelievably helpful, I keep going over that night in my head trying to think if I did anything wrong but I can't seem to think of anything aside from sleeping with him too quickly (but we'd known each other for so long I didn't think it was a big deal). Thanks in advance. Forget about this guy and chalk it up as a learning lesson. Yes, guys will say anything if it means they are going to have sex. He might get back in touch with you, but it most likely will be just for sex. If you oblige, it will be a rinse repeat of your first encounter; you won't hear from him again until the next time he wants sex. He will be all sweet and engaging too until he gets what he wants and then plunk, you're on the back burner again. Out of your own self respect, walk away from this one and forget about him. Edited February 13, 2012 by chelsea2011
mitchell Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Yes, we were both drunk Your were drunk at night, but you weren't drunk when you had sex again that morning. You both got what you wanted. Hopefully the sex was good, and you had a nice time. He just sounds like he was happy to have sex with you but is not interested in any type of relationship.
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