jkim4 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) So this guy and I have been acquaintances for years, but never really knew each other since I moved to a city about 4 hours away from where we grew up, but recently reconnected when he was in my town for work. He was always a good looking and popular guy, but for some reason I never felt attracted to him. He was persistant to hang out with me when he was in town, so I decided to grab a drink with him and surprisingly, we had a wonderful time catching up for hours! I felt a connection so decided to meet him for another drink the day after and we ended up kissing. Even after he went back home, he constantly texted me throughout the day (basically from the moment we woke up until the we both got off work) and we would Skype each other until 2-3AM for 2 weeks. He would call me beautiful, he would talk about places he wants to take me next time I'm in town, he planned on coming to visit me in a couple weeks, bought me stuff and sent to my house.. Things were going so well. We skyped for hours on a Friday night, and I texted him like we normally would on Saturday and I noticed he was pretty short with me. I didn't take it seriously since I knew it was a weekend and he had plans so I kept myself busy too. Since then, I heard nothing from him for about a week. Like every girl, I started to wonder "What happened? What did I do wrong?" So I texted him saying "Hey, I know you're probably super busy with work and school so I completely understand that we haven't talked to each other, but just wanted to let you know that I miss your company!" and he replied back saying "I'm sorry but school and work is killing me. I will update you soon!" but nothing again for a week. I received his gift in mail, so took a picture and sent him with a message "Thank you!" and he just said "You're welcome! glad you like it" and then nothing again. And he updated his FB saying "Sorry for neglecting my friends, I have been busy with school and work.. I will make it up to you soon!" My friends have been advising me to just drop him, and I deleted his number off my phone so I stop myself from calling/texting him.. What do you think? Edited February 13, 2012 by jkim4
NewSmyrnaBeach Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Did you share anything with him recently that could have potentially scared him off? If it isn't something like that then I would say that he probably found someone closer to home. I've only done that to a girl once. I was dating a girl and on our 3rd date she told me that, as a kid, she was molested by her father for a long time. I felt horrible about it, but I had just started dating after my divorce and wasn't even sure if I wanted to be her boyfriend, much less her therapist. I stopped talking to her for about a week and then called her to tell her that I just didn't think it was going to work out. I felt bad because it wasn't her fault but that just isn't a 2nd or 3rd date conversation and I knew that I could be biting off more than I wanted to chew.
Author jkim4 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 No not at all. If anything, he was the one sharing his stories about his military experience (war) and his childhood family trauma and I thought I was being a pretty good listener. But yeah, that what I assumed too: found someone closer to home.. thanks for your advice.
honeyxo Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 I have a coworker who this just happened to! So you guys live far apart from one another right now? Honestly it's been my own personal experience that if a guy wants to be with you, if a guy wants to talk to you, he will make the effort. Bottom line. He won't go MIA out of nowhere if he's that worried about keeping you around. And, if you guys live far apart from one another, chances are the reason he's not been calling you is because he has another chick he's hanging out with and now that puts you on the back burner. But he keeps those infrequent, apologetic texts to keep you on the line... sucks. But I know it's happened to me a couple times, and I have been guilty of doing it a couple of times as well...
Author jkim4 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Yeah I figured.. I've never done a long distance "fling"/relationship before and it really sucks cuz I think I really like this guy. I will be in his town in a couple weeks; do you think it will be a good idea for me to call him then? I don't wanna seem to desparate. I plan on not calling him first until then. Or maybe I can post something on FB saying I will be in town! and see if he would contact me first?
turt Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 You can't assume that it's 100% that he is looking for someone else. He may have been neglecting his work to talk to you.
Author jkim4 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 You can't assume that it's 100% that he is looking for someone else. He may have been neglecting his work to talk to you. True, the week he stopped talking to me was when he started going back to school full time. He also works full time. But if he has time to post things online, he cant send me a simple text?
turt Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 True, the week he stopped talking to me was when he started going back to school full time. He also works full time. But if he has time to post things online, he cant send me a simple text? Maybe he is afraid of talking too long. Try calling him and make sure he knows you don't want to get him behind with his work.
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 My friends have been advising me to just drop him, and I deleted his number off my phone so I stop myself from calling/texting him.. What do you think? You did the right thing. Don't chase after someone who isn't interested and isn't making the effort or time for you. You didn't do anything wrong, so please, don't blame yourself. This guy isn't worth it. There are other and better fish in the sea! True, the week he stopped talking to me was when he started going back to school full time. He also works full time. But if he has time to post things online, he cant send me a simple text? Very telling isn't it? If he wanted to, he would have texted or called you. He hasn't. Sorry, I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings but to give you reality check. For whatever reason, he's chosen to not contact you.. Don't think there's more going on than there is.
turt Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Very telling isn't it? If he wanted to, he would have texted or called you. He hasn't. Sorry, I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings but to give you reality check. For whatever reason, he's chosen to not contact you.. Don't think there's more going on than there is. Like I said before, if he's really busy he might be pushing it off in fear that he won't be able to have a conversation.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Why do women always assume that if we don't call them every day or every other day then we've lost interest? The guy has school and work yet the OP can't cut him some slack (like many women). Talk to any guy and he'll say one thing that annoys him about women is when they complain we are spending too much time on school and work. One quote I hate from women is, "If a guy is interested in you then he'll make time for you." It's irritating as hell that some women cannot understand that, yes, school and work sometimes take top priority over our social lives. OP, the dude hasn't been ignoring you specifically. He's been neglecting ALL his friends. That's why he made that FB message. You say, "If he has time to make that FB message, he should have time to talk." But that's not true. Because if he spends time talking to you, then he'll feel obligated to spend time talking to ALL his friends. And that could be time he doesn't have. OP, if you can't cut the guy some slack because he's got other priorities and it's not just you he's neglecting, then you probably should find someone else. Find some jobless college dropout living with his mom who can afford to talk to you 24 hrs a day.
Author jkim4 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Why do women always assume that if we don't call them every day or every other day then we've lost interest? The guy has school and work yet the OP can't cut him some slack (like many women). Talk to any guy and he'll say one thing that annoys him about women is when they complain we are spending too much time on school and work. One quote I hate from women is, "If a guy is interested in you then he'll make time for you." It's irritating as hell that some women cannot understand that, yes, school and work sometimes take top priority over our social lives. OP, the dude hasn't been ignoring you specifically. He's been neglecting ALL his friends. That's why he made that FB message. You say, "If he has time to make that FB message, he should have time to talk." But that's not true. Because if he spends time talking to you, then he'll feel obligated to spend time talking to ALL his friends. And that could be time he doesn't have. OP, if you can't cut the guy some slack because he's got other priorities and it's not just you he's neglecting, then you probably should find someone else. Find some jobless college dropout living with his mom who can afford to talk to you 24 hrs a day. You know, you are totally right. But how would I approach him without being too invasive when I know he's clearly too busy to talk to him? I do wanna be able to keep in touch without sounding too clingy.. I gave him one week each time I texted him, and he does reply within a couple hour window.. but does not continue with the conversation or ask any questions about me.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Here's a positive. Help him study. It could bring you closer. Either that or invite him somewhere to spend time together. If you say something like, "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. It's good that you're putting in a lot of effort at work and school. But rest and socializing are something you need in order to stay healthy. I'm feeling blue without you. Let's go out for some ice cream or try that new Thai restaurant that just opened. Let's do something together." Last year, when I was really swamping myself with work and school, a female acquaintance sent me an email that sounded kind of like that. At first, I declined. But then she sent me another email saying, "When 2011 ends, you might look back it as a year wasted because you spent too much time working and little time with people who care about you." That changed my mind. We didn't go out to eat or anything. All we did was hang out at the local mall. But I was actually glad she reminded me that I should take time off for others. It's good that she said it in a nice way instead of nagging.
Author jkim4 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Here's a positive. Help him study. It could bring you closer. Either that or invite him somewhere to spend time together. If you say something like, "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. It's good that you're putting in a lot of effort at work and school. But rest and socializing are something you need in order to stay healthy. I'm feeling blue without you. Let's go out for some ice cream or try that new Thai restaurant that just opened. Let's do something together." Last year, when I was really swamping myself with work and school, a female acquaintance sent me an email that sounded kind of like that. At first, I declined. But then she sent me another email saying, "When 2011 ends, you might look back it as a year wasted because you spent too much time working and little time with people who care about you." That changed my mind. We didn't go out to eat or anything. All we did was hang out at the local mall. But I was actually glad she reminded me that I should take time off for others. It's good that she said it in a nice way instead of nagging. That is a nice way to put it. The thing is we do live 4 hours away from each other. But I think I will try sending him a nice message similar to it...
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 That is a nice way to put it. The thing is we do live 4 hours away from each other. But I think I will try sending him a nice message similar to it... Honestly, I think you're making too much out of the possibility that you'll seem clingy. You like the guy. He likes you back and has shown you alot of attention and given you gifts. That says he looks at you in a positive light. As long as you don't constantly pester or nag him, it's all right to contact him once and a while. And it's even okay to ask to talk to him more often. From what I can tell it looks like he likes you but is swamped with school and work. That happens to me. Sometimes, I've been swamped with other priorities but when I can finally take the time to hang with loved ones I say to myself, "God, I can't believe how happy I am to finally be able to spend time with these folks."
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