KennyNicholas Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) So basically ive known this girl 5 months, a really genuine lovely girl shes from denmark shes 20 and im english and im 20. I first started to be "interested" in her a few weeks after when I really got to know her, we laughed we joked we got on well, in december me and her went to london alone, ive never been away with just a girl before and it was all new to me and it went well we were able to tell each other about our past and relationships past etc. January she went back to denmark for a month due to where we both work being closed and when she came back I was happy to see her and she had brung her parents with her for a week on holiday, she has already met my parents and it was really good to meet her parents. My dad questioned how it was that we were so close and wed met each other parents but we were not together?? My birthday was on february 9th and saturday (11th) i celebrated it properly by going out in the evening like a typical saturday night 6 or 7 of us went out and by the end of the night it was just me her and my mate. I started to walk her home and my friend stopped off in the kebab shop on the way home so me and the girl sat down on a step nearby and as much as i regret we were both "slightly tipsy" on the verge of drunk and somehow we got into a conversation about me and her so I went for it I told her how I liked her and I didnt want her to leave (shes planning to go to london for 3 months in march before finally returning home) which leaves around 4 weeks. We were hugging and she was crying etc and then I walked her back home and she was still crying so I told her that everything will be ok and that I will tell her everything, then we kissed just once for a second or so and she went to bed. I wasnt sure why she was crying but regardless I text her the next day saying im sorry I made her cry that it will be the first and last time and she text me back saying it was ok and she would talk to me tomorrow. I spoke to her today and I really wanted to get everything in the open with her and basically she told me she doesnt have feelings for me, so i questioned her as to why she was crying and she couldnt give me a direct answer and also to kissing? and she said she regrets doing it and basically we hugged and things and left it at that. I dont know my question is do you think she really has no feelings despite being so close and getting "so far" or do you think shes lieing and protecting me from her feelings because she cant control them and knows she will be leaving in four weeks?, i dont know where to go from here Thanks in advance! Edited February 13, 2012 by KennyNicholas
KathyM Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 I think she realizes that, since she's about to leave for a few months, it would be better to cut things off and not try to hold on to the relationship during that time she is away. She probably does have feelings for you, but she realizes it's not in her best interests to get serious about you when she is about to leave for three months, so she is trying to deny her feelings in order to make the leaving easier on both of you. My son was in a similar situation than you this past year. He had a girlfriend whom he was dating for four months or so that he had developed feelings for, but she was scheduled to study abroad for six months, so they realized that it wouldn't work to try to hold their relationship together during that time they were separated, and they broke up. It's all for the best. I'm sure she does have feelings for you, but she needs to deny them in order to make leaving you easier on both of you.
Author KennyNicholas Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Thanks for your response! I understand everything you said it had crossed my mind except I dont know where to go from here or into the future? I really quite like her
KathyM Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Thanks for your response! I understand everything you said it had crossed my mind except I dont know where to go from here or into the future? I really quite like her If you have her phone number and Email address or can contact her on facebook, then you may want to try to keep in touch just as friends.
Author KennyNicholas Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 I have her number and facebook and everything, I had to work tonight as I do most nights and as promised to her I kept personal and professional apart I acted the same in work as I would pre-discussion, I was sat at the end eating my dinner and for a few minutes it was just me and her and she looked at me and said to me "wassup" and I just stared into space I couldnt bring myself to look at her..
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Dude, ask her out already and quit wasting time worry about it.
Author KennyNicholas Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 You quite obviously missed my first post.. or skipped half of it, I told her how I feel more than once in the past few days..
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Yeah, I read only the first paragraph because it seemed like one of those, "How do I get the balls to talk to this chick I like" type of posts. I think the reason why she is crying is because she is lonely. She's probably had feelings for you too for a while but she just had a difficult time expressing them. Like Kathy said, she has feelings for you but she can't balance the LDR. Nevertheless, you should go for it. It might be an enlightening experience. Keep in touch through emails, phonecalls, Skype (whatever). All in all, you don't wanna look back and think about what could have happened if you had gotten with that cute Danish girl. I'm 27. Occasionally, when I think of some of the chicks I let go, I wonder about this cute Egyptian girl that was really interested in me back when I was 19. I should have gone with her but was too damn shy.
Author KennyNicholas Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 But my question is really.. where do I go from here? what can I possibly say to her?
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 But my question is really.. where do I go from here? what can I possibly say to her? No, don't say anything to her and ask her out on a date. I've been in your position before. So I apologize if my previous posts seemed like they were condescending. Like you, I was a shy guy infatuated with a shy girl. She knew I liked her but she was hesitating. I wanted to say something to make her understand my feelings for her were genuine and it would be a good thing if we got together. So what did I do? I gave her some speech about how I had real feelings for her. And how I wanted a relationship with her. I felt I had poured my heart out. After she had listened to me, she said she had to think about it and give me her opinion later. What happened? She ignored me. For a week and a half she avoided me like I was some sort of crazy guy. She even ignored my calls and emails. Finally, I was able to talk to her and she lamely told me she only wanted to be friends. And so a relationship never happened. Since then, I don't like shy girls. They scare easily and always choose passive-aggressive ways to get around tense situations. But I don't blame her because I came off as too desperate and creepy. I hope I didn't bore you with my life story. I'm trying to give you an example of how pouring out your feelings (even just a little bit) before you've gotten into a relationship can easily scare off women (especially the shy ones). Your question is, "what can I possibly say to her to make her understand my feelings?" You can't say anything about your feelings so soon. It's gonna scare her off. You have to ask her out on a date. And you have to take it slow from there. She's kissing you and hugging you and real close to you. She already likes you. But you have to keep things simple by starting off dating. Otherwise, you'll ruin things.
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