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agree with me and tell me this girl is mentally unhealthy.

proteinshake25

By proteinshake25
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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A girl I met at a bar 2 weeks backs. We talked,kissed,etc. Met up for coffe 2 days later, then dinner about 3 days later. Things were goin awesome. Only problem is within 30 mins. Of the first date I had known her ex by first name, yup. She mentioned him that much.Saying things like "ohh your age is perfect..thats how old my ex is" I told her to stop asking about my ex and that she should'nt mention her's so much. We had made plans which she had to cancel. Then the next day I see her post on fb that she's moving to another state in a week. Her friends seemed to have known about it. But she kept it from me. I deeply deeply liked this girl, something so rare from the start. Just wanna hear some oppinions. Thanks.

senorlachacha Member

senorlachacha

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Look, I'm definitely no relationship expert, I'm new here and I'm only 18, but when someone mentions their ex, ESPECIALLY in comparison to you, run away. She's obviously not over him, and probably is going out with people to forget about him. Thankfully, you only knew her for two weeks and she's moving away.

senorlachacha Member

senorlachacha

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Oh, and mentally unhealthy is a good description.

Ajax Established Member

Ajax

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I guess I question why it matters whether or not she's mentally unhealthy. Is it of some benefit to you if she is? If so, then sure. I'll agree with you that she's mentally unhealthy and all will be set right. Right?

 

But it's really not that easy. None of us here (that I'm aware of) are mental health professionals capable of diagnosing mental illness. And even if we were, without actually spending time with her it would be irresponsible to render that opinion.

 

It's easy, but disingenuous, to label someone who hurt us as crazy or mentally unwell. Heck, I did it after my ex left me. The "Borderline Personality Disorder" faux-diagnosis is all too common among us newly dumped.

 

But by far the best and healthiest way for you to look at this is to look inward and learn from this. If you saw the warning signs when she constantly compared you to her ex, why did you continue? Why did you become so attached to someone so quickly when there were red flags almost immediately? I'm sure she was a charming young lady, but it's healthy to maintain some boundaries in relationships, especially when they're new.

 

These are questions you should ask yourself so that this experience won't be repeated.

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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Well said Ajax. Well when I mentioned her to stop bringing him up. She did for the most part. I knew the red flag but ignored it. You're right though. Next time I see that red flag. I'm asking for the check and vanishing.

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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not sure if i would say mentally unhealthy - - but she's definitely not over her ex. which is a *huge* red flag. i've immediately broken off communications with guys if they continue to mention their ex- - especially if they are recently broken up -- and by recently i mean less than 6 months out of the relationship.

 

it's one thing to compare notes and reveal relationship histories. but to keep bringing up an ex over and over - - and comparing that person to the person you're dating is rude and unfair.

 

it took me months to get over being dumped by my ex before i felt i was ready to date again. if someone else can't give me the same courtesy and continues to work out their relationships issues with their ex out loud in front of me, that's my cue to leave.

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

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Well said Ajax. Well when I mentioned her to stop bringing him up. She did for the most part. I knew the red flag but ignored it. You're right though. Next time I see that red flag. I'm asking for the check and vanishing.

 

She isn't mentally unhealthy, she just isn't over her ex.

 

First rule of dating: you do not talk about the ex

Second rule of dating: you DO NOT talk about the ex!

 

She should know this. And, given that she doesn't stop even after being asked to shows relationship immaturity and/or lack of a filter. She's not ready to be with a new guy. Sorry.

 

Count her moving away as a blessing. You deserve someone who is ready to fully experience dating, and a potential relationship, with you.

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

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not sure if i would say mentally unhealthy - but she's definitely not over her ex.

 

ha! My opening line as well. I hope the redundancy in responses helps you see the truth OP.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Agreed, she's not over her Ex and her head definately isn't in the game. You would think that she would have at least informed you that she was moving to another state?!?!

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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ha! My opening line as well. I hope the redundancy in responses helps you see the truth OP.

 

hehehe - - great minds think alike ;)

 

but yeah- - Protein you seem to be on the right track with your last post. i mean - - sure you can ask her to stop bringing up the ex but you can't stop her from thinking about him - - even when she's with you.

 

so - -lesson learned. i wish i had learned mine earlier. my ex once brought up his ex wife and three ex girlfriends in the course of one evening (he even cried over the last ex - - who he had previously told me was just a friend :rolleyes:) yet i still stuck around for another year and a half :/

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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Yes chitown. That's the point people seem to be missing. When I say she's mentally unstable.

Dark Phoenix Established Member

Dark Phoenix

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You met the girl at a bar, you made out with her, etc

 

I think you need to look in a mirror and have a reality check. She obviously didnt want a relationship with you because she never told you she was moving. She compared you to her ex. You were a comfort to her. An emotional crutch.

 

Lesson here? Don't try and fish for relationships in bars. Do you think your actions are mentally healthy? You posting this type of question in a breakup forum about a girl you met in a bar that you became infatuated with?

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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her moving to another state may just mean she's been thinking about this guy a lot. for all you know they may have been talking all along and that's what let her to make this move.

 

is it impulsive? yes. inconsiderate of her not to tell you? certainly. but i still don't think it means she's mentally unstable -- she's probably still in love with him. and as you know - love can lead us all to do some pretty drastic things on a very selfish level. that doesn't necessarily add up to mental instability. she's just being self-absorbed.

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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Oh ya. Radio. She definitely was still talking to him. Told me he still textsbher and comes by her work. But she conveyed it like she didnt desire it, which I dont believe. She was really probing on how I felt about certain things like moving in together,etc. Thats why I got my hopes up. Also whybI'm so confused hoe she flipped within the course.of 48 hrs from sparks flying to ajjouncing she's moving.

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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it happens Protein. I've been there too. it sounds like she was trying to make up her mind about which direction to go - - with you or him. but i have a feeling she was playing the two of you against one another to see how much sentiment she could stir up and make a decision from there.

 

at best -- she was considering you as a potential bf. at worst, she was setting you up to he fallback guy in case things didn't work out with the ex bf. my money is on the latter...

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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I was thinkin the same thing radio. I took her off my facebook. I caved in and texted her hi last night. Do i just go strict no contact?

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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yup. you made the right call in taking her off facebook. no point in entertaining her ego with any more contact - - be it text, email, etc. if she texts you back ignore it. she's made her choice. so any contact with you is meaningless and unnecessary.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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OP what is it about this girl that makes you like her so much considering you have only known her for 2 weeks, she talks too much about her ex, and you consider her mentally unhealthy? It would seem that it would be easy to say goodbye to this one.

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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Thank you guys for your help. Especially you, Radio. @fool. We have a ton in common, and has alota qualities I like, but I know I can find more emotionally ready girls that are prettier.

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