Eternal Sunshine Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 I am struggling with this. If you lived with someone and spent your every spare moment together.. If he claimed that he can't spend few hours apart from you.. If he told you that he loved you deeply just the night before the break up...And then..it's over. He kicks you out and never even gets tempted to speak to you again. No contact whatsoever. And he is non-responsive to any form of contact... I am struggling to grasp this. Human emotions are messy. There was no period of distancing. It was just bam and it's over forever...like he never knew you. There was no event like the cheating. We had our fights and arguments through the whole of the relationship. It just seems to me that...if someone truly loved you like he claimed he did..he would not have been able to do this in such a brutal way. Which leaves me with just one conclusion..he never loved me. Thoughts?
PegNosePete Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 He is your ex. There's not much point analysing him or his behaviour. He is doing you a favour by not contacting you, you should do the same.
Sugarkane Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 They usually don't care until someone does a similar thing to them one day. That's when people on here get an email x amount of years later. But it's always far too late. Reminds me of when I confided in my older cousin. When he had his 21 his live in girlfriend just left him and moved out. There was no problems, no fighting, no cheating. She didn't even say why of coarse- that is too much to ask of these people. And she never talked to my cousin ever again. Over a decade later he has never had contact. I wonder if his ex also ever pulled this stunt on anyone else after him.
anne1707 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 ES I don't think it is entirely fair to blame him for going NC or to question how he feels/felt about you. After all, it was you who chose to end this relationship http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3818058#post3818058
jerbear Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 If you ended things with him, why should he respond? Both of you are in different phases. You want some companionship without the drama but ended up causing drama. He is doing you a favor and not contacting you. For some, limited contact works and some no contact works. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Reality check - YOU broke up with HIM, and you posted here that day that you were going to delete everything and it would be as if he never existed. He didn't "kick you out." So … it looks like you are in a good position to answer your own questions. I know it would be gratifying to your ego for him to come begging back to you, but you need to just let go of any thoughts in that direction and move on emotionally. You wanted to break up with him, and you did. It's common knowledge that "no contact" is the best way to make it through a break up to the other side.
Philosoraptor Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Sounds like he is doing what he needs to in order to follow his path of healing. Good for him. Hopefully you find your path as well and you both can recover and have happy lives.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 The breakup was a GIGS breakup. Shes trying to reconcile, shes phase 4. Her emotions are coming to light. This is a dumpers perspective/post of trying to reach back out (GIGS Breakup). When this moment hits, the after actions after the breakup are covered by fog and she is back in her mind to the day of the breakup like no time has gone by. Its the strangest feeling in the world plus dealing with all your emotions coming out and figuring them out
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 The breakup was a GIGS breakup. Shes trying to reconcile, shes phase 4. Her emotions are coming to light. This is a dumpers perspective/post of trying to reach back out (GIGS Breakup). When this moment hits, the after actions after the breakup are covered by fog and she is back in her mind to the day of the breakup like no time has gone by. Its the strangest feeling in the world plus dealing with all your emotions coming out and figuring them out You seem absolutely positive in your diagnoses of other peoples' break-ups. I don't think that I'd call this a GIGS breakup, and she is certainly not trying to reconcile. But, I also don't embrace labels and formulae when it comes to matters of the heart.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) I have been through what she is going through now, so I can label it as can others that have been through it. The message conveyed by her is one of her being ignored which means she DID reach out for a reconciliation attempt. Probably more then once And he is non-responsive to any form of contact...Shes confused / lost and has no idea what happened. We can give her posts and remind her but she wont remember or become aware of her actions for some time. I can honestly say I have no recollection of a timeline of events from December of 2010 until December 2011. Its all a blur with some clear images to them. I can go through my posts and emails and texts and put things together and I have Edited February 13, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Phoenix, OP was in a very volatile relationship with no trust and a lot of dramatic fighting, plus basic incompatibilities on several levels. It wasn't "GIG syndrome;" from her descriptions of it; it sounded like the grass actually IS greener elsewhere, for both of them. As I understand it, she is struggling with how he could go from being utterly devoted and even dependent upon her to cold as ice overnight, and it's making her doubt what she felt they had together. I don't think she is reaching out to get back together; if they do get back together I think it will be because of weakness on either of their parts. You might be projecting.
bubble_pink Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 I do this, I cut of instantly a relationship is over, it like being numb. it depends on the reasons and the enviroment the relationship was in. when i am with someone i give my all i open up and let another person see more than the regualr avrage joe dose there is nothing to hide. when the relationship is over the person is no longer entilted to my unconditional love and openess. I do not do this to be crule or mean i do this because it is a natual response this dose not mean that i dont feel upset or heartbroken. it is simply a recation to move on instantly with no fussin about.
EgoJoe Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 So this is what denial, deflection and projection look like when they merge together to become one super defense mechanism. I dub it....deniproflection.
betterdeal Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 The breakup was a GIGS breakup. Shes trying to reconcile, shes phase 4. Her emotions are coming to light. This is a dumpers perspective/post of trying to reach back out (GIGS Breakup). When this moment hits, the after actions after the breakup are covered by fog and she is back in her mind to the day of the breakup like no time has gone by. Its the strangest feeling in the world plus dealing with all your emotions coming out and figuring them out Oh come on, wilson - reached Phase 4 in a matter of days? What was it? Phase 1 Sunday, Phase 2 Monday, Phase 3 Tuesday, et voila! Phase 4 Wednesday. Lord knows where we'll be a week Tuesday. You've been flogging this GIGS hocus pocus for quite a while now. Isn't it time it fell out of favour like the many other theories you've bastardised then cudgelled other people's relationships with over the past year or so?
betterdeal Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I am struggling with this. If you lived with someone and spent your every spare moment together.. If he claimed that he can't spend few hours apart from you.. If he told you that he loved you deeply just the night before the break up...And then..it's over. He kicks you out and never even gets tempted to speak to you again. No contact whatsoever. And he is non-responsive to any form of contact... I am struggling to grasp this. Human emotions are messy. There was no period of distancing. It was just bam and it's over forever...like he never knew you. There was no event like the cheating. We had our fights and arguments through the whole of the relationship. It just seems to me that...if someone truly loved you like he claimed he did..he would not have been able to do this in such a brutal way. Which leaves me with just one conclusion..he never loved me. Thoughts? He's gone no contact. You're bored and lonely. You're letting your imagination run away with you. Ask yourself this: what does "true love" look like? What does it actually transpire to be in the physical world? What is it you are looking for?
radiodarcy Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I am struggling with this. If you lived with someone and spent your every spare moment together.. If he claimed that he can't spend few hours apart from you.. If he told you that he loved you deeply just the night before the break up...And then..it's over. He kicks you out and never even gets tempted to speak to you again. No contact whatsoever. And he is non-responsive to any form of contact... I am struggling to grasp this. Human emotions are messy. There was no period of distancing. It was just bam and it's over forever...like he never knew you. There was no event like the cheating. We had our fights and arguments through the whole of the relationship. It just seems to me that...if someone truly loved you like he claimed he did..he would not have been able to do this in such a brutal way. Which leaves me with just one conclusion..he never loved me. Thoughts? i doubt i'll be able to top the great advice betterdeal gave. but speaking from my own experience as a dumpee - - he's doing what he needs to do to heal and move on. i also told my ex how much i loved him and how badly i wanted to work things out. but he was done. there were lots of fights between us as well. it hurt like hell to stay away. but i certainly wasn't going to continue to try after having the door slammed in my face. it's not that i didn't care - - it's that i couldn't afford to care anymore. he had already moved on and i needed to do the same.
carhill Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 OP, since you're apparently dating again, it appears you have accepted the past is the past and have moved on. His lack of contact is quite appropriate and aligns perfectly with your current perspective. He is the past. Over. Done.
vsmini Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 You're a drama queen and quite frankly - you're a toxic girlfriend. He needs a clean break from you otherwise you'll be dragging this out forever. You both need to go NC.
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