I messed up and lied

[Dazed23]

Let me start off by saying, this is somewhat long, and I'm not the best writer, so please excuse the feeling of it being rushed.

 

I met this girl online in a game, and we hit it off. I asked her to be my girlfriend, and things started going well. This was back in September 2010, we spent many evenings just up all night talking and chatting. Even though, she had college classes in the morning, she would stay up just to talk to me. I was falling for her, and didn't even realize it. She was on my mind all the time at work, at college, and even when I hung out with my friends. I never felt this way about anyone before.

 

We were together for 1- 2 months before I messed up(well I had intially lied about something else in the beginning, but i confessed that, and we worked past it). Around halloween a friend of mine pulled me to a party. So, I was dragged along there. A girl approached me starting talking to me. She asked for my number told her no thanks I had a girlfriend wasn't interested. However a week or two before thanksgiving, my friend decided he wanted to have a party at my place. So a couple of us get together and he brings the girl from the previous party that approached me. The girl then started talking to me we started laughing and overall had a good time. Everyone had left.

The next day the girl shows up uninvited to my house. We slowly started hanging out while I'm still in a relationship with my girlfriend. I started getting distant from my g/f, and started realizing I had feelings for this other girl. Then one day in December, I just left the game me and my girlfriend were playing on, I stopped getting on AIM, and skype. I had started a relationship with this other girl. I felt guility but tried moving on.

 

During the relationship with the new girl. I still couldn't get my girlfriend(the one I left) off my mind. I felt guility and awful, because I left her, pursued a relationship with someone else. Eventually, one day the girl I asked out in December told me it was over and that she met someone else. I felt saddened and hurt because I genuinely liked the girl, and like every relationship I've been I've always been cheated on. So to have it happen again sucked. Then I realized this must be karma for what I did.

 

After the break up had past 2 months later, it was June, I started thinking of my girlfriend again, and wondered if she still played that game. I logged in hoping to god, she still played, that she would forgive me. Many people in the game told me she had quit. But a day or two later, she logged in. I talked to her told her I was sorry about what happened. That my computer crashed. I asked her to forgive me and to think about another shot with us. Eventually she gave me a second chance and understood that computers crash from time to time. I felt guility and I still do, shes currently laying in my bed asleep resting. While I sit here pondering what to do. She came to visit me for the first time for this past christmas, she paid to have my car fixed, which cost $600 plus tax.(Which was her christmas gift to me) I got her some earrings and a necklace which were not that much.

 

Shes currently her now for for the whole week. I keep looking at my bed seeing her there. I know I'm in love with this girl, and I want to propose to her on our one year anniversary. But, I can't with this lie. Its killing me knowing that she has never lied to me has forgiven the lies I've told her. Yet, I look at her in face telling I've never cheated and never would.

 

Yet, I left her for someone else and I guess I did cheat on her.

 

I've been trying to play out the situation in my head. If I tell her she'll leave me or at least I feel she will. I really don't want to lose this. This is the only person loved, and I’m not kidding the girl I left her for her was the biggest mistake of my life. It's driving me nuts. What do I do?

 

Should I tell her and risk losing her? or Do I just keep this to myself pretending nothing happened?

[Forever Learning]

I think it's best to tell her the truth. Living a lie is just too difficult in the long run. Let the chips fall where they may. Life is full of difficult choices like that, owning up to the mistakes that you make, that hurt others along the way. But we all do it, it's just part of the human condition, despite our best intentions.

 

Also, when you are young, it's only natural for most people to want to date a variety of folks,- as you find yourself and learn about life, others, and yourself. That is hard to see clearly in your twenties sometimes, but it's human nature to want to sew your oats and experience life. It becomes more and more clear the older you get. Life is not always cut and dried. It's a learning experience.

 

She may indeed leave you after you tell her the truth about the entire situation. Others may disagree with me about revealing the truth to her. I'm not sure there is any absolute right or wrong in how to live your life, - except maybe for the Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That piece of wisdom seems to be fairly universal and cross all boundaries of time, space and cultures. It is the basis of all the major religions for the most part.

 

Even if she does decide to call it quits, you might consider taking the high road of integrity and eventually, little by little, pay her back for the car repair she paid for you. I think that would be a nice thing to do, and some would say it would also create some Good Karma for you, if you believe in that kind of thing (I do). Good luck to you.

Edited February 13, 2012 by Forever Learning

[Dazed23]

Thanks for the advice forever_learning. I plan on talking to her and telling her on the day after Valentine's Day. I hadn't planned anything to be perfectly honest. I just got done paying a few bills, and I hadn't got her anything not even a card. I feel really bad, she got me a few small things. I didn't even think ahead about this, she said she understood about having to pay bills and what not, but when I asked her if she wanted anything at all. She said, no, but I could tell she was expecting at least something her face said it all. I just figure I'll make us dinner and watch a movie.

 

Last night after I posted this question, I went to lay down in bed with her, and she asked if everything was ok, and I could talk to her about anything. I almost told her, but I couldn't then. I figured day after valentine's day.

 

Wish me luck. I'll post back with updates.

[blugirl]

So what if your gf wouldnt leave you for another? Would you be still going out with her, not giving a **** about your LD gf? Is that how you treat people?

Yes, it was karma backfiring for what you've done and you don't even deserve to get back with your LD gf AND she must know the truth. If I was her and someday would accidentally got to know that my bf has hidden something like that from me, I would rip him to pieces for wasting my time. Tell her the truth and let her decide for herself if she still wants to continue the rlship, knowing what you've done.

[Gottman Institute]

I think you are in a difficult situation, but that the correct thing to do is to tell the truth. If she forgives you, your relationship will be stronger and no longer built on a lie. If she doesn't, you learn a valuable lesson. There's a reason honestly is considered so important. The consequences are harsh.