Tiera D Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) hi 1st time poster although ive been using this forum for awhile..anyway here is my story il make it point form.please note that it was a 5 month relationship she was my dads friends daughter and we met in a wedding.She and i are both twenty and we are both asians living in asia so our culture values might not be same as most people here -6 months ago,things are going rough for her,her family used to be quite rich but things became bad and she is unable to continue her college and had to work with her dad.Anyway all started when my parents keep saying bad things about her (she had 7 exes before and im number 8th but she mentioned that she does love some of them and she was pretty much a bad girl when she was younger because her parents do not stay with her meaning no one to teach her).She used to say its all the past and she is not the same.So,being the idiot i did not trust her and called her asking her about her past said some mean things,she in turn told her parents what i said and they become very angry and demanded we breakup.before the BU we are very close together and she did all the sweet things that most couples did. -it was a push and pull situation between us and i have used NC to heal and move on but she always manage pursuade me to stay in contact and tell me that give us some time and we will be together eventually.At one point during the 6 months post- BU she has been very emotional about me moving on but still not ready to reconcile.Anyway she hangout with a guy post-BU but she insisted that they are just buddies and although he admits he likes her,she says she loves me and at the moment not interested in being in a relationship with anyone.Being the paranoid one i tested her many times and even tried to catch her but they really seem to be really just close buddies with nothing more and they sometime go out just them both or sometimes three people with her another best buddy (a girl). -Still even though we breakup she told me to her as long she loves someone she does not think that we have to be together and she even post-BU is always there for me not in person but she always comforts me when i am in a down mood which is quite alot while i did the same for her.we meet a few time post-BU and had sex and kisses.what im trying to say is that she is always there for me which no one has ever did.At one point i tried many ways to get her back like handmade gifts,she appreciates it but still asks me to give us more time,i even volunteered to apologize to her parents but she does not allow that and said her parents is still angry and its true i seen their dismissive attitude. -fast forward to yesterday she hangout with that guy again which again being paranoid i demanded her to swear to god that "she until now loves me and me only" infront of that guy and she said she would swear but she would never love me again.She sweared and still answer calls from me all night but was slightly mean to me.Today i drove to her house and begged for forgiveness,at 1st she was reluctant but later she said she forgive me the last time.note that the entire process took me only around 7 minutes . Any comments shall be appreciated i love this woman people in loveshack i beg for your advice.thanks in advance Edited February 13, 2012 by Tiera D
Author Tiera D Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 some advice?please need help i dont know what to do next:(
Author Tiera D Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 anyone caliguy?smokey bear?homebew?someone pls i cant live like this
chados Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 skip the beggingpart that never works. dont send gifts or anything like that. dont apologize, do not tell her that youre gonna change because you havent done anything wrong... this is only gonna come out as a pathetic. it really sounds like she doesnt know what she wants.. well she's 20... id say, forget about her. this might be easier said then done, but i would say that when a girl acts like this theres no way its gonna last. at least not right now.. if you really want to get her back, you have to stay away. she's just stringing you along right now. give her a chance to miss you, let her see whats out there. it might hit her like a rock if she at some point wants you back. and at that point you might be over her.
Author Tiera D Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 anyway are u talking about GiGs? i read some post over here,im going NC 1 month or LC which would u suggest?LC would mean that never starting a convo unless she started it 1st.She did say she doesnt want a relationship at the moment and might want one 1-2 year later.. i know she would text me by today or tommorrow since i started NC 2 days ago,should i completely ignore her?sounds mean because although wierd to say but she helped me through the difficult times. Tiera D
chados Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 anyway are u talking about GiGs? i read some post over here,im going NC 1 month or LC which would u suggest?LC would mean that never starting a convo unless she started it 1st.She did say she doesnt want a relationship at the moment and might want one 1-2 year later.. i know she would text me by today or tommorrow since i started NC 2 days ago,should i completely ignore her?sounds mean because although wierd to say but she helped me through the difficult times. Tiera D its always gigs no matter what, she doesnt want you because she think she will be happier alone or with someone else right now. dont follow some gigstread that has stage 1 stage 2 stuff, thats just weird and everyone's different. if it makes you feel better you should keep nc. but i guess you could go lc. just be careful
Love_sick_me Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I don't know, it just seems like you are not healed because of her. I think she's confused. It's really not her fault. She has her emotions and unfortunately she cannot see things clearly right now. It seems like a part of her didn't want to lose you. At this point, it just feels like she's caring about her feelings more than your relationship or you. She will behave like this until the day she snaps out of it. You can wait until that day or you can start focusing on yourself. It just feels like when you're trying to push her away so you can heal, she's trying to reel you back in. Just take some time off, cool down for a bit...just tell her you need to simmer down and talk about things when you're ready.
chados Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I don't know, it just seems like you are not healed because of her. I think she's confused. It's really not her fault. She has her emotions and unfortunately she cannot see things clearly right now. It seems like a part of her didn't want to lose you. At this point, it just feels like she's caring about her feelings more than your relationship or you. She will behave like this until the day she snaps out of it. You can wait until that day or you can start focusing on yourself. It just feels like when you're trying to push her away so you can heal, she's trying to reel you back in. Just take some time off, cool down for a bit...just tell her you need to simmer down and talk about things when you're ready. "It just feels like when you're trying to push her away so you can heal, she's trying to reel you back in" yes happens a lot. but the thing is unfortunately. that when you get them back theyre often just back because they think that this is what they want. people want what they cant have. and when they have it they dont want it anymore.. this is why relationships especially in younger age doesnt work out. because they always believe that they can have something better. relationships will never be the same as it once was. people must learn to accept that and love it for what it is. else its no point of having one.
Author Tiera D Posted February 18, 2012 Author Posted February 18, 2012 Anyway i had to highlight the core issue that prevents a reconciliation,i had asked her before why wont she reconcile with me now,she always said :" Why cant u wait" or "give us a time period" when i ask her more she will say "im 50/50 about reconciliation" Reason for not being able to reconcile -Her mom is being very paranoid about me not being able to protect her,i have mentioned earlier that she had some exes that hurt her quite badly,and she believes that once my mum forces me i will dump her. -Recently her parents manage to convince her that she is still young and does not need a Bf and she should just enjoy her life being single anyway im going LC atm just called her earlier she seems very happy to talk to me. additional note: while we are dating she called two other boys that i know Dear,but she also called some female friends dear as well,she said it doesnt mean anything and she called me Baby usually is that ok? Tiera D
ffw Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 OP, you are behaving like an obsessive person. You are behaving like a baby crying for a chocolate. Few things: 1) Firstly, It's none of your business how many ex's she had. 2) Secondly, you need to stop spying on her. Once a relationship is broke, it's none of your business what she's doing or whom she's dating. 3) Thirdly, she asked you to give some time but you are forcing yourself on her. What's with that? With everything you did, it's no wonder she could not love you again. My advice is back off completely. I mean completely. If she wants you in her life, she will come around. I can understand right now your emotions have taken over head; but if you really love her, let her go.
chados Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 i agree with the above post. you will do what you feel is right for the moment, no doubt about that.. but this happens for a lot of people and once theyve gone through it they understand why they should have cut contact. so i really think you should listen to whats been said here.
Author Tiera D Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 hmm thx guyz anyway to mr.batman i did not spy on her,she actually tells me willingly..im going LC is that good enough?or NC? And ya actually its within my peoples culture to know about the girlfriends previous exes (actually we asked about our partners past ).. one question : Do u think i should tell her i cant be her friend right now and mayb in future we could?or i should just straight go LC? thx in advance Tiera D
ffw Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 hmm thx guyz anyway to mr.batman i did not spy on her,she actually tells me willingly..im going LC is that good enough?or NC? And ya actually its within my peoples culture to know about the girlfriends previous exes (actually we asked about our partners past ).. one question : Do u think i should tell her i cant be her friend right now and mayb in future we could?or i should just straight go LC? thx in advance Tiera D I can understand where you are coming from. I guess you are from south Asia. My advice is to use your head & not to follow a culture blindly. What good it will do to you or your family after knowing her previous relationships. Why do you want to dig out skeletions? Even if you don't get bother by her past, will it be the same for your family? Think about it. As for LC or NC. Look, every relationship is different. What may work for others may not work for you & vice-versa. There is no definite answer. Personally, I could have gone for strict NC. If you go with LC, be ready to witness her update dating profile. In simple words, be ready to witness her new dating/relationship. If she went the other direction, ofcourse. GL.
Author Tiera D Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) yeah im in south asia. actually i have mentioned in my 1st post that she is my dads best friends daughter,and my parents already know that she was a wilder girl when she was younger,so my parents disliked her very much and always said mean things about her,said things like:"she slept with dozens people." or "shes a cheap girl u marry her our family will be humiliated." my mum even said "u can marry any girl u like except her." if u are me what will u do?because u know someday u have to make a choice between her and ur parents and its not going to be pretty.. Anyway her facebook is currently single and i made her swear (i know thats immature of me) so i believe she really doesnt want a relationship at the moment plus whenever i go NC she reels me back in..her plan was that 1-2 years later i wont rely on my parents anymore and will have completed my studies then she might reconcile...she still says shes loves me only though Edited February 19, 2012 by Tiera D
ffw Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) yeah im in south asia. actually i have mentioned in my 1st post that she is my dads best friends daughter,and my parents already know that she was a wilder girl when she was younger,so my parents disliked her very much and always said mean things about her,said things like:"she slept with dozens people." or "shes a cheap girl u marry her our family will be humiliated." my mum even said "u can marry any girl u like except her." if u are me what will u do?because u know someday u have to make a choice between her and ur parent's and its not going to be pretty.. Anyway her facebook is currently single and i made her swear (i know thats immature of me) so i believe she really doesnt want a relationship at the moment plus whenever i go NC she reels me back in..her plan was that 1-2 years later i wont rely on my parents anymore and will have completed my studies then she might reconcile...she still says shes loves me only though Either, you can get marry for your parent's or for yourself. Bottom line is your parent's will be happy if you are happy. Isn't it? Let's say, you got married to another girl by your parent's choice. With time, you realize that you are still in love with the 1st girl; then you got yourself in a mess. You won't be fair to yourself nor to the 2nd girl. Are you going to blame your parent's for this mess? However, eventually, if you get married to the 1st girl, your parent's may accept her with time. Tiera, nothing in life is guaranteed nor life is black or white. Things could happen opposite of what I said in the above paragraph. If you get married by your choice and if, unforunately, things work out ; then you got you & her responsible & not others (eg: your parent's). If you still believe she is into you, then just go with the flow. As I said, give her time, space & don't force yourself onto her. Take things slowly. One step at a time. Also, act like a man not like a desparate teenager. She will love you more for this change. GL. Edited February 19, 2012 by ffw
Author Tiera D Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Yeah,a friend in college told me the same thing,im going LC now i sent her a text yesterday saying we both need time and perhaps someday when we both got mature we could be together.she have not text me around a week though she claims her phone is outta credits.She also texted me asking me to call her at 11pm (funny because she said shes outta credits..).i did not call im gona man up and show her and her parents im The One. Thx to u all will keep u updated TD
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