Similar Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 It's valentines day soon. I never thought anyone would give me or treat me to anything for valentines, ever. It's not cos of my looks exactly, I'm just more of the loner type. Relationships, dates have not been handed on a silverplate, I shy away from parties, meetings, etc etc. In my school (I don't live in the US..) everyone would give their friends and their crush, a rose, that was my idea of valentines. My then long distance boyfriend of x amount of years thought it was just a silly day. I couldn't help but think he was a silly man (he never attempted to do anything romantic at all) Yes, you can bet we broke up. I met mr gorgeous, and mr gorgeous could do things like cleaning, and cooking all kinds of food, and he bought gifts he knew I would like.. it was a nice, new experience. At valentines he invited me over to his. I opened the door, and the place was sparkling clean.. and right infront of me was the biggest and prettiest rose I'd seen. It was for me of course! It was so much (I'm not joking) that I got nervous. Suddenly, this whole deal felt so serious. I started backing towards the door, he grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes with the cute -where are you going- look. His look which has taken me ages to wipe out of my mind. That day, evening, I felt I was in heaven just for a little while. It didn't really matter if it was too good to be true. I danced around in heaven, I mean, in his livingroom in his big old warm slippers. It didn't last long, mr gorgeous and me. Not my idea to break it. He told me that nothing I had experienced was for real, told me I was silly for thinking we had any potential, silly for thinking that he liked me in the like-like-like way. I was just a temporary thing, meant to keep in place like a dog, not to call or message too much.. You get me? I figured it wasn't too strange because he had intitially told me he wasnt big on the whole relationship idea, more scared of it, but, all what he did for me.. it meant so much to me, it didn't matter what he thought or why he did all those things, I was like a sundried sponge sucking it all up and enjoyed it so much.. I had no idea that falling down, on planet earth, the cold hard reality would hurt that much. Anger, bitterness. It's there no matter how I try to reason with myself; telling myself that he is a nice guy, a good friend, he is popular with others, caring and interesting.. We've talked, it's been a year, we keep check on eachother on facebook and at times I've had to but down my foot because he'd be all over my facebook wall and photos, likings things..showing the world that I was once his, for a little while.. Not ok. He's told me that he can be insensitive but that I have to accept him as he is. - yes I know it is silly facebook - Now it is soon valentines and I couldn't help but click on his fb profile and... I see him joking about valentines gifts, gifts that would quickly terminate a relationship he says. And I feel this enourmous amount of anger bubbling up inside of me.. No, even facebook, is too much. Blocked, gone. I am desperate to get on with life, without him on facebook even. Ready. Some people make an impact so big, that nothing can salvage the blows. You get me. I hope some day I will not feel the anger. Where does it come from? My sore ego, my bleeding heart, my lonesomeness? Anger is a bad feeling.
CopingGal Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 It didn't last long, mr gorgeous and me. Not my idea to break it. He told me that nothing I had experienced was for real, told me I was silly for thinking we had any potential, silly for thinking that he liked me in the like-like-like way. I was just a temporary thing, meant to keep in place like a dog, not to call or message too much.. You get me? Words cannot describe how much of an *&$%# that man was to you. I am so very, very sorry. If you read through a lot of my posts, you'll know that I was treated very, VERY badly by my bf. I am so sorry that that happened to you. And no, it's not silly to be upset by facebook. A therapist once told me that facebook has been responsible for a great amount of pain (well, it's really how people use facebook that cause others and a lot of time themselves pain.) I've been in pain for over 6 months, with the worse of being in December. But as I wrote before, I am excited about Valentine's day even though I am single and grieving for the relationship I thought I had, for the man my ex pretended to be.
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