charlie88 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I recently got back with my ex after being broken up for about 3 months. We are not official because we both want to take it slow but we've been hanging out at school a lot and making out and we had sex. This has been going on for about a month for the first 3 weeks she was really sweet and would call me and tell me she loved me blah blah fun stuff. Now its sort of mellowed out but we still are endearing over the phone. The thing is she has been really busy and so have I and although I see her when I go to school which is like twice a week we really haven't had the opportunity to hang out much. Last night I went to a small get together at my friends house who is her neighbor and is like a brother to her. I called her and she told me she was doing her dads birthday cake but that I should call her when i was there and she'd come over. I get there around 10 and I call her and she says "ill call u back". Then at 11 she calls me and tells me she is studying with one of my best friends at his house which is far as hell. Mind you this is a saturday night and I was next door and she chose to drive for an hour to go study with my friend. She tells me that she'll try to make it later but she doesn't, when i get home at like 4 am she calls me and tells me she is sleeping on his couch and that she loves me. I don't mention that I'm bothered by the fact that she sorta blew me off. I trust my friend, I've known him for a long time and I know he is not into her and I trust her and I know there is nothing going on between them but its still annoying and I'm not sure how to address it without appearing needy. Today (the day after) I mentioned I felt a little awkward about last night but we didn't really talk about it much. I asked her if she wanted to meet up and she told me to call her later to see if she was feeling better cuz she has a head ache. I've been really busy and she has called me a few times at school and I haven't been able to hang out with her but for the most part I want to hang out outside of school and I feel like something comes up on her end and it doesn't materialize. Also, we are sort of trying to keep it secret that we are seeing each other again because of the drama that happened the last time we broke up. I don't wanna suffocate her but I don't think I am being overbearing... I read that I should maybe pull back? I feel like the situation is fragile. I just feel like I want to hang out more than she does. I love this girl a lot. She is adjusting to school, this is her first semester and she hasn't been in school for the last year. She is really excited about her classes and I've been there to support her. I'm really willing to do a lot to make it work with her. Edited February 12, 2012 by charlie88
FitChick Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 How do you study together? Make up pop quizzes? Read aloud to each other? Can't you do that over the phone?
FitChick Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Also, we are sort of trying to keep it secret that we are seeing each other again because of the drama that happened the last time we broke up. I strongly suggest you don't keep this secret from your "friend."
chelsea2011 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 As a woman, I can say that her actions say that she is just not that into you right now. You have choices; you can keep calling and continue to let her treat you this way or you can set your own personal boundary and say, "screw this, I am not going to tolerate being treated like a doormat" and back away. Let her yo yo with someone else. So what she is excited about her new courses? That doesn't give her a license to disrespect you and treat you like you reside at the bottom of the totum pole. Man up and put your foot down charlie88! Tell her to quit stringing you along with false plans and to call you when she "grows up"...period. She only treats you this way because YOU allow it. Stop allowing it! Just my two cents.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I think she was just going through a time of loneliness and disconnect. After 3 months of being single most women tend to take it pretty hard and are very vulnerable to their own emotions at this time. This either leads them into rebounds or going back to their ex's because they're thinking about all the "nice" things and comfortable feeling of being someone they know...more than a stranger. However her actions are showing she might be coming to a realization that she might not be as emotionally desiring of that as she thought she was at first, therefore there is probably something else in her life that is having a hand at changing that. I don't think for a minute you go over someones house on a Saturday night to study then call you at 4 am randomly because she's sleeping on the couch. Whether they're fooling around or not is up to you to call..for now, however that is highly suspicious and they're probably talking about more than studying. At this rate it looks like you're going to get burned, she's pulling away a bit, always busy, always something more important going on...never making time. Something is going on and It's not good...for you, and this girl doesn't sound like the brightest star in the sky when it comes to men or relationship, regardless of how book smart she may be. You also sound way too passive and understanding, which means she'll push the barriers even farther. You either better put your foot down and confront her about these things and find out what's going on, or tell her It's not ok what she's doing. Or just back off before you go down with the ship, unless whatever else she is doing she is on the side. But I've dated quite a few medical students and one of my ex-gfs who is now a doctor was busy, but we always made time and I can't imagine her having a busier schedule than them.
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