brandonmedlock Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I'm recently divorced and have been dating this girl on and off for about a year. I'm 30, she is 23. She lives with her parents still and a old boyfriend still lives at the house with them. She says she can't just kick him out because he has no where to go. I dealt with it thinking she would get him out soon, but it has never happened. After almost 8 months of dating I found out she was seeing her brothers brother in law. I was more tore up about this then my divorce. Still think about it today. A couple months past and we started talking again and still go out. I feel really close to her and I feel I need her in my life. We talk about the future together, but she still has this old boyfriend living at the house, her family knows nothing about me, she won't even add me on FB. Am I just being dumb here? I need some guidance.
EspressoTorte Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 The fact that she was seeing someone else when you thought you were the only one in the picture should be a red flag. I have to wonder if the ex is really an ex or not. She may be keeping you around as plan B
Professor X Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 After almost 8 months of dating she still has this old boyfriend living at the house her family knows nothing about me she won't even add me on FB. Am I just being dumb here? I need some guidance. Well, I summarized what you wrote to make it clear, so in return I'll ask you the same question. Read only what I have quoted, would you think the person in question is being played? As for an advice, I feel a bit dramatic today, so I'll tell you to just go to her place and force introduce yourself to her family, I mean, 8 months is long overdue to that thing, might be an interesting experience. Alternatively, tell her you had enough. P.S. her ex' hasn't got a place to go to ? lol... Sorry, but how silly do you have to be to believe it?? Get a ****ty job, pay rent to live at some **** hole and walla, problem solved.
Author brandonmedlock Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 I think her old BF is kept around because he is making more money then her and her parents combined.
EspressoTorte Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I think her old BF is kept around because he is making more money then her and her parents combined. So he's capable of moving out then. If all of this is bugging you, I'd follow X's advice and pay her a visit when everyone is home. It's not like this is a long distance thing, and that can't happen for practical reasons.
Imajerk17 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 So he's capable of moving out then. If all of this is bugging you, I'd follow X's advice and pay her a visit when everyone is home. It's not like this is a long distance thing, and that can't happen for practical reasons. Maybe he is the one paying the mortgage! Seriously OP, the situation is whacked. You gotta end this...
EspressoTorte Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Maybe he is the one paying the mortgage! Seriously OP, the situation is whacked. You gotta end this... Then he's not the only sucker in this situation
Author brandonmedlock Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 I don't know if going over there and confronting her is the right thing to do.
EspressoTorte Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I don't know if going over there and confronting her is the right thing to do. Then stand firm and say you can't deal with her living situation. Frankly, her dating someone at the same time as you would have made me walk.
Professor X Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I think her old BF is kept around because he is making more money then her and her parents combined. He is kept? As in, chained to the house? lol. I hope you realize you just gave yourself a knockout. If you'd say he doesn't work than ye, ok, it would of explained slightly things, but hell, he can afford to live on his own yet he doesn't??? I mean, he chooses to live with his "ex" and her family? AHA! DING! DING! DING! WE GOT A WINNER HERE! I really hope for your own sake you ain't that naive, cause if you are, oh boy, you'd make one hell of a rug! 1
Author brandonmedlock Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 I'm not naive by any means, I just don't know when to give up on her. I want to give her a chance to make a serious move but don't know how much longer I can hold out.
phineas Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Dude! C'mon. IF your ex had a job & could support herself, would you still be living with her? see how bat-chit crazy that question is? Can you honestly come up with any reason to live with an ex when both parties have the means to live on their own?
carhill Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Relationship and family history are IMO the clearest indicators of future behavior. Extract from that whatever is meaningful to you. I wouldn't put too many eggs in this basket.
Badsingularity Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Your in a bad situation that will most likely cause you pain in the future. Get out.
chelsea2011 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Um, he has no place to go yet he makes more than her and her parents combined? C'mon OP...the writing is all over the wall and you are being sold a dirty bag of goods. If she hasn't given you a chance by now then she never will...period. AND she was dating someone else too? Why are you even considering this girl? I say "girl" because a decent woman would not treat anyone this way. They would be honest and not string you along.
PlumPrincess Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I'm not naive by any means, I just don't know when to give up on her. I want to give her a chance to make a serious move but don't know how much longer I can hold out. Let me help you with well-tested advice - dump her before it's too late!
Space Ritual Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 I'm not naive by any means, I just don't know when to give up on her. I want to give her a chance to make a serious move but don't know how much longer I can hold out. You are just a glutton for punishment. You need to get this woman out of your life forever. Because there is about to be a huge flashing SUCKER sign on your forehead if you don't. And unless you shut that sign off it will attract other manipulative people to you like flies on crap.
seibert253 Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Let's see: -GF still lives at home with mom and pop -GF's ex lives with them -Ex is kept because he's making more cash than mom, dad, and GF -GF cheated on you some time ago. Ray Charles can see that nothing good will come of a continued relationship with GF. Soon, you will be the tool paying for all of their bills. Run Forest, Run!
nofool4u Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 I'm recently divorced and have been dating this girl on and off for about a year. I'm 30, she is 23. She lives with her parents still and a old boyfriend still lives at the house with them. She says she can't just kick him out because he has no where to go. Seriously? Really? You have no future with this girl. She will put her X's feelings and needs ahead of yours, and already is. And since her parents obviously seem fond of him, you will never have a good relationship with them. Therefore, you have no future with this girl. I dealt with it thinking she would get him out soon, but it has never happened. After almost 8 months of dating I found out she was seeing her brothers brother in law. Oh my, not only was she playing you behind your back, she was messing around with a married man. Get rid of her. I was more tore up about this then my divorce. Still think about it today. A couple months past and we started talking again and still go out. I feel really close to her and I feel I need her in my life. We talk about the future together, but she still has this old boyfriend living at the house, her family knows nothing about me, she won't even add me on FB. Am I just being dumb here? I need some guidance. Won't even add you on FB? Are you being dumb here? Let me put it this way, she must be hot, or good in bed, because you are definitely letting your little head do the thinking for the big one. Lose this tart.
veggirl Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 OMFG :eek: Are you serious?! I think her old BF is kept around because he is making more money then her and her parents combined. SO? what did they do before he came along? And, what you're saying is that is that he DOES have the means to go somewhere else. I'm not naive by any means, I just don't know when to give up on her. I want to give her a chance to make a serious move but don't know how much longer I can hold out. :lmao: You're not naive? Really? Your "girlfriend" LIVES WITH ANOTHER MAN. She will NOT introduce you to her family. What's her excuse for THAT????? Dude. She already cheated on you 8 mos in with her brothers brother in law. She lives with WHO I'M ASSUMING IS HER REAL BOYFRIEND and she won't even add you on FB. Are you SERIOUS????
Author brandonmedlock Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 I'm really at a cross roads here folks. I appreciate everyone pitching in. I'll give it a couple weeks and see how things go. I think having the big talk to her about this will be the make it or break it conversation.
USCGAviator Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 While you patiently wait to grow a pair and confront her, she'll be busy recycling the Ex and preparing her next puppet show with you. I'm baffled at the things people are willing to put up with.
veggirl Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 While you patiently wait to grow a pair and confront her, she'll be busy recycling the Ex and preparing her next puppet show with you. I'm baffled at the things people are willing to put up with. YUP. If the "ex" is actually an EX. Which he most likely is not. OP, you are being such a chump :o Tell this chick to kick ROCKS!
Darren Steez Posted February 18, 2012 Posted February 18, 2012 I'm not naive by any means, I just don't know when to give up on her. I want to give her a chance to make a serious move but don't know how much longer I can hold out. Fool, you're a grown man, what "chance" do you want to give her? If everything was above board and kosher she would have no trouble adding you on facebook or making your presence known to her family or friends. You are naive and basically a beta male, all preening and waiting for all the cards to fall in place like some romantic novel. This is real life. Your girl's ex is living with him..he apparently makes more money than anyone yet can't find himself a place? Really? Does that make sense to you? You're the secret guy, she's probably cheating on him with you. Grow up!
Author brandonmedlock Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Thanks for all the comments. Thought I'd give her a couple weeks to prove herself. Didn't work! I planned a weekend together just to stay at the Hard Rock Hotel in town and this morning she said her 12 year old cousin wants to hang out and she needs to go home. I'm out!!!
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