blindnowisee Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Hi all, My ex decided to break off our 9 year relationship a few weeks ago and I wanted to share some words on this. I've found that a lot of people tend to relate to the GIGS phenomena and I found solace in it as well in the first week of my break-up however I've had time to reflect and want to share this with you: - Whenever a girl / woman asks you for time / space to "find her true self", "go out with her gfs" or whatever the reason is (you know what I mean) this basically means she's either losing interest in your or she's already lost interest in you. Why did she lose interest? Let's rewind to when you guys first fell in love. You were an independent cool guy, had your own circle of friends, your own hobbies (you loved to play rugby!), your own passions (you had jamming sessions with your friends!) and healthy relationships with other girls (i.e. you chatted with girls in the club or at school or whatever). You were the true definition of a 'catch'.. you were one of the leaders in your group of friends.. you knew where you were heading and you were enjoying life. When you met your gf you fitted her into your schedule. You couldn't always make time (because of rugby, jamming sessions and going out with your mates) so you had to say No every now and again. You pissed her off at times because you were acting like an Alpha male and setting the boundaries and determining when you guys saw each other. Fast forward to now. Reflect on the last year of your life. Which aspects are still there? Have you still got your own circle of friends, your own interests, your own hobbies, your own passions? Are you determining when you can see each other and are you pissing her off at times because you have other plans? I'm going to base this on my own experience but judging by the number of posts that relate to this I'm sure a lot of people will identify themselves in this: - You became boring - Your life is the following cycle: you go to work => come home knackered => sit down on the coach => watch television whilst having your dinner on your lap. The weekend comes by.. you're too knackered from working to go and do something active. You might go out with your gf somewhere but truly and deeply you want to sit on the couch and do nothing. You want to be passive not active. - You've stopped pursuing your dreams, your passions and your hobbies. The amount of physical exercise that you do has become minimal. - All in all, you've become the inverse of the guy that you once were. You're not a catch anymore. So what happens when your gf loses interest? When your gf loses interest, she lets her guard down. Her guard for keeping off all other interested men. You know that if you have a half decent (or better) looking woman that she will be courted by men on a daily/weekly basis.. You also know that she will fend off everyone if in a healthy relationship because women are not the same as men. If women are fulfilled in a relationship they will never break it (or jeopardize breaking it). Men however.. are always horny (but let's park that ;-) Your gf has let her guard down.. What does this mean? Two things can happen here: 1- She can discover that she is determined a 'catch' on the market and that she might be able to find a better 'catch' than you are at the moment. This will out itself in 'want to find my true self', 'more time/space' and all the general bs you get fed in this situation. 2- Some guy will aggressively pursue her and try to put her in compromising situations (christmas office parties anyone?). He will get her phone number and start courting her on a daily basis. You remember this phase.. you did it initially when you started going out with her!! But you've stopped bothering with that now however you know as well as I do that men are always on the prowl and willing to put in that extra effort to persuade a girl to choose him. So what can I do now? My gf has just broken off our long term relationship! Ok.. if you've been in a long relationship you know that your ex will always have special feelings for you. There are 2 scenario's here: 1- You want ot win her back 2- You're so f****** over it! You're done! However you keep thinking of her! Both situations have the same outcome. You will have to invest all your time, money and effort into growing into a better human being. You've just gained valuable life experience my friend and are on the road of recovery. You can either choose to better yourself and eventually run into someone else (or get back with your ex) or choose to be depressed and wallow in self pity. I know a lot of people tend to go for scenario 2 however I'm not really seeing the true benefits of that route so I'm opting for the first one!! So what are we going to do now then? We're going to: - Get into better physical shape. You want to look your best when finding a new gf. This will give you more self confidence and will start to build your own schedule (as discussed above). - Find new hobbies. Dude.. you need to be interesting! Imagine meeting the hottest girl you've ever seen.. What are you going to tell her? How are you going to impress her? Wouldn't it be great if you could talk about your travels across Africa? Or that you've learnt to play the guitar? So many people lead boring lifes and never reflect on it! - From the get go you're going to interact with as much women as you can. Even if you're terrible at it you will force yourself to have conversations with as many women as you can. Talk to the cashier at your local supermarket. Practice your eye contact.. become the Alpha male you once were. I'm going to end my big rant here. I'll be back though.. :-) 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 New here; would like to know what these terms mean, LOL
Author blindnowisee Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 Grass is Greener Syndrome... it's when someone leaves the relationship due to losing interest and finding somebody else.
cincinnatikid Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 blindnowwise .. amen brother. i hope more people stumble on this post and read it. great stuff!!!!
coltsfan1 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 agree with everything you say, except that sometimes a person doesn't become boring. Sometimes the other person needs to leave to grow and make some decisions on their own. Nothing the other person ie dumpee can do except deal with the loss and move on.
smokey bear Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I tend to disagree, Gigs is the process of becoming cognitivley and emotionally mature.
Author blindnowisee Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 When a relationship breaks up.. the blame is never 100% on one side.. it always comes from both sides (i.e. the harmony is broken). Either this or you've gotten into a relationship with the wrong person (but that's a whole different ball game which I won't indulge in here). I think when we say it's GIGS and leave it at that is a cheap cop-out. We all know damn well that we contributed to the demise of the relationship we just got out off. I agree that it comes down to maturity as well however I think we should always reflect on what we've done / contributed to the relationship.. I know a lot of men become complacent, boring and hit by the routine of daily life. We just get by, forget our dreams and never ACTIVELY reflect on life.
BewitchedandBothered Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Grass is Greener Syndrome... it's when someone leaves the relationship due to losing interest and finding somebody else. Thanks so much:)
ScienceGal Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 In my early to mid 20s, I had GIGS twice. Both times I ended my then current relationship to pursue someone new. The first time it resulted in me being in an unhealthy 3.5 year relationship. The second, a short fling. For me, I was immature and not ready to embrace all the wonderful things I had in my existing relationship. I wasn't ready to settle down. My partner could have been a saint; in fact, I think the first one probably was! The problem was me. I believe there are also times when a relationship just isn't working, and fault lies on both sides, or neither side... but one partner will eventually get GIGS and use it as a means to get out of the relationship. All I know is that at this stage of the game, I will never get GIGS again because I am mature enough to want and value a long term relationship. Kind of ironic that I haven't been able to find a decent man in several years... (karma, sigh. I'll face it )
Philosoraptor Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 To put it simply, one only chooses to leave a relationship because they are unhappy. What this person is unhappy with can be a variety of things. On one side it might be a legitimate concern like unhappiness with the communication in the relationship. On the other hand it might be a less mature reason (often labeled gigs on this forum) such as unhappiness with their lack of life experiences. Either way, unhappiness is the cause. No one chooses to leave a relationship when they are content in that relationship and content with themselves.
g450 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) In other words GIGS="What's in in for ME ME ME ME ME!" Yeah that's maturing. I dont see my XW as being mature. I see her maturity level as that of a spoiled 8 year old girl. But that just my two cents. Edited February 14, 2012 by g450 speelin
Dark Phoenix Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 In other words GIGS="What's in in for ME ME ME ME ME!" Yeah that's maturing. I dont see my XW as being mature. I see her maturity level as that of a spoiled 8 year old girl. But that just my two cents. This post screams bitterness. GIGS is not about whats in it for ME ME ME ME smokey bear - I tend to disagree, Gigs is the process of becoming cognitivley and emotionally mature. This is what GIGS is. In order to learn what not to do in life, you have to do it first. Why don't people stick forks in an electric socket or put batteries on their tongues, because they have done it before and they know it shocks them. In order to understand it, you have to go through it. When I go out on dates with women, the first question I ask them is if they have learned to look before they leap. The ones that have been through GIGS laugh and know exactly what I am talking about without explanation. The others look at me like I am absolutely crazy (these are the ones I stay away from)
betterdeal Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I tend to disagree, Gigs is the process of becoming cognitivley and emotionally mature. That's called "growing up" in other circles.
betterdeal Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 - Whenever a girl / woman asks you for time / space to "find her true self", "go out with her gfs" or whatever the reason is (you know what I mean) this basically means she's either losing interest in your or she's already lost interest in you. Or it means she wants to spend time with her buddies. For those people who haven't split up already, or are reconciling, maybe changing the dynamic by accepting that both of you having your own interests, pursuits, passions, friends &c. is healthy, necessary and enjoyable, will strengthen the relationship. Talk about it with them.
g450 Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 This post screams bitterness. GIGS is not about whats in it for ME ME ME ME This is what GIGS is. In order to learn what not to do in life, you have to do it first. Why don't people stick forks in an electric socket or put batteries on their tongues, because they have done it before and they know it shocks them. In order to understand it, you have to go through it. When I go out on dates with women, the first question I ask them is if they have learned to look before they leap. The ones that have been through GIGS laugh and know exactly what I am talking about without explanation. The others look at me like I am absolutely crazy (these are the ones I stay away from) You can rationalize it any way you want but in the end it's all about feeding ones own ego. When a person destroys a family and causes unimaginal pain on people just so they can swim new waters, that to me is immature and selfish. But what do I know. Never been through GIGS and I had to be the adult in my situation so yeah color me bitter all you want. My bitterness is well earned.
Sugarkane Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 So just because people of the other sex are still hitting on you, while you're in a relationship, you should just throw away the relationship? That's pretty dumb. I got hit on by other guys while I was with my ex. But guess what? I didn't throw away the relationship though. If everyone did that than no one would settle down. What do you do when the next person doesn't work out? Run crying to your ex?
wilsonx Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 You can rationalize it any way you want but in the end it's all about feeding ones own ego. When a person destroys a family and causes unimaginal pain on people just so they can swim new waters, that to me is immature and selfish. But what do I know. Never been through GIGS and I had to be the adult in my situation so yeah color me bitter all you want. My bitterness is well earned. I understand what you said and you are correct on the feeding ego, the ego has a large part to do with it and it is selfish and immature but at the same time, they aren't themselves when they go through it. For you to recognize this either means you are currently going through it or have already been through it. I go with the currently going through it. GIGS is a BURNOUT. Thats all it is. Emotional/Life burnout. Everyone goes through it at some point in their life. You have to jump off a cliff to learn that jumping off a cliff is not the right thing to do. You learn to not stick things into electric sockets by actually doing it and feeling the pain from it.
Sugarkane Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 So what you're supposed to just walk away coz people are hitting on you?
rawr2 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Just my 2 cents. It's very possible to grow out of a realtionship. But GIGS is different, and this may sound stupid but you have to experience it to understand it. My ex has it, and I know a lot of people on this forum clutch to GIGs as a reason for the break up but it is actually very specific. It is definitely a pyschological thing. If you were close to your ex, and listen to what they said before the break up you would understand. In my case my ex said he was happy with me, and was really worried he would regret the decision in the future, but if he didnt get his feeling off his chest it would always bring him down. He also said he started hanging out with the other girl cause she was new and different. Everyone gets bored in realtionships. To be with someone day in and day out you cant avoid routine and monotomous behaviour. However, GIGS people are happy but (as the name suggests) they think there is better. Growing apart is different. Although i'm sure it hurts the same.
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