kingofhearts Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Hey, Guys. It's been a while since I've been here. Had to take a break from this loveshack cuz my visits here were putting me in limbo after my breakup. I just wanted to give you guys an update to motivate, inspire, or to relate for those who are going through a hard time. If interested, here is my story..... 1. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269978/ 2. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272266/ 3. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272569/ 4. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t285348/ IN SHORT In short, It's been 6mo since the breakup(July), I was a victim of the whole "we need space" "I need to find myself", I was thinkn she has GIGS (which I still believe), etc... Back then, I swore up and down that another guy wasn't in the picture, but SURPRISE!! There was. Turns out I had seen the guy callin a few times. I put it in check once, but she was saying he's just a friend blah blah blah. She was even hanging out w/ him. He's actually an ex from her h.s. days, but they had only dated no sex or nothing and not for long back then. Basically puppy love. I knew about all her ex's except him, and it was because he was not even worth mentioning cuz of the short time and really young time frame. He actually has been dating this girl that we took to Vegas w/ us for YEARS. WTF? I deff didn't see that coming. Anyways, I think its a lust thing. Just my opinion, but I heard from a mutual friend recently, that She's moving FAST w/ this guy and faster then we were. So I'm really puzzled by the actions, but whatever.... WOMEN I'VE DATED SINCE Fast forward, I'm doing quite fine except for a few things. I've been w/ 3 other girls since then, the first ended up trying to play me and do damn near the SAME thing, I think this really drove the nail through my heart. I didn't really care that this new girl and dated someone else, but it deff made me MORE jaded.... Second one was a one night stand, which I felt really horrible and violated afterwards.. lol... I know... I'm a man, still.... Just didn't sit well. 3rd one, was really chasing me down and originally agreed to not be in a rel, but she was being clingy etc... and it seemed like we were in a rel. At this point she just got out of a rel with her bf, and I had had some time to heal a bit and find independence, so needless to say I didn't call much and just a few days ago, she hung up in my ear and I think she is done with me. I just didn't care tho. I kept my feelings out of it, I'm really scared of being hurt again or to waste time, so I'm single and wanna keep it that way. I get numbers when I go out and never bother to call them back. I'm working two jobs and I'm enjoying my hobbies in my spare time. I can officially say that I have rekindled my Independence. But something just doesn't seem right......... MY PROBLEM NOW I still have dreams about my ex every other day. A few months after the b/u I learned how to stay away from checking her FB and have no desire to. When I do see a pic of her by accident my heart races and I have to get away QUICK. Guys, at 28yrs, I just don't know if I can trust anyone else w/ my heart, rels seam to not be worth anything nowadays, so why bother. I currently have no desire for love or to be in a rel. Is there anything wrong w/ me? Am I just being ridiculous? I'm happy, but it's a diff kind of happy. Still feels like something is missing. What are you guy's thoughts?
oldguy Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 You where in a fairly long relationship, your probably in a more uncomfortable place now so your dreams go back to your ex & a time of more stability. The details of our dreams aren't usually as relevant as the emotions or feelings during the dream more so than after we wake up & try to cognitively analyze them. My guess is your probably going back to a more comfortable place... assuming these are not nightmares:laugh:
CaliBabe Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 OMG you sound exactly like me! I am totally happy with every aspect of my life except my love life. Thats usually how it goes right? Well I am currently seeing this guy but we just can't get it together. Things are not progressing and the communication is so off. I am like you. I am so scared of opening up and getting my heart crushed again. Maybe we need more time to heal, maybe we just haven't met the right person.
Author kingofhearts Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 You where in a fairly long relationship, your probably in a more uncomfortable place now so your dreams go back to your ex & a time of more stability. The details of our dreams aren't usually as relevant as the emotions or feelings during the dream more so than after we wake up & try to cognitively analyze them. My guess is your probably going back to a more comfortable place... assuming these are not nightmares:laugh: Yes, Some of the dreams are good and some of them bad, some neutral. I wake up thinking to myself, "Damn, do I need....... counseling!?" LBVS. I don't know what kind of psychological impact it's had on me, but it has me more hesitant to consider someone else. Last girl said I had problems and needed help & too high on my horse. I'm like Why? Cuz I don't need a rel? or to be dependent like last time? I think I'm fixed! You may need the help!..... But w/e. Sorry for the ramble. lol.
oldguy Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 As an ex counselor I've always believed WE should treat our mental/emotional health the same way we are suppose to treat our dental & medical health by seeing someone regularly & not just in an emergency. If your dreams are effecting your sleep habits; you are hesitant to go to sleep or can't fall to sleep because of these dreams you should see someone. If these dreams or other feelings are negatively effecting your day to day activities, or as you mentioned you have some other a concerns than you might need to see someone. Otherwise, its still not a bad idea.
Exit Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I'm in the same boat as you, a few years younger than you are, but after what I've been through, I'm totally sour on relationships right now. It sucks because it's a useful tool for moving on, to meet someone new, but I just have no interest. Nobody lives with any honor or loyalty anymore, everything is subject to change. I'm trying to get myself comfortable with the idea of being single for a good while, and it doesn't bother me too much, minus missing a few things from being with someone. I just don't have the energy for it anymore, I never get a fair return on my investments, I make mistakes in my relationships but I treat the girls well and nobody has ever appreciated it.
Author kingofhearts Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 OMG you sound exactly like me! I am totally happy with every aspect of my life except my love life. Thats usually how it goes right? Well I am currently seeing this guy but we just can't get it together. Things are not progressing and the communication is so off. I am like you. I am so scared of opening up and getting my heart crushed again. Maybe we need more time to heal, maybe we just haven't met the right person. Yeah, I hear ya. Tho I wouldn't exactly say I'm unhappy in my love life, just fulfilled. I can relate to your dating trials tho, the last girl I was seeing, I could just out and out tell that she just wasn't right for me and vice versa so we couldn't get it together either. She was so convinced and ready to fall tho, blindly. I just thought to myself.... This is prolly how rel end after a few years when probs start surfacing, being so blind. I think you have the right Idea though, we prolly need more time, that's why I'm stepping away for now. I do believe that I can love, but it would have to be the right person and I'd make sure they're working for it and worth it. I'm starting to think I need someone to fit into my hobbies.... iono... anymore.... ha...
Author kingofhearts Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 As an ex counselor I've always believed WE should treat our mental/emotional health the same way we are suppose to treat our dental & medical health by seeing someone regularly & not just in an emergency. If your dreams are effecting your sleep habits; you are hesitant to go to sleep or can't fall to sleep because of these dreams you should see someone. If these dreams or other feelings are negatively effecting your day to day activities, or as you mentioned you have some other a concerns than you might need to see someone. Otherwise, its still not a bad idea. Well I'm glad to say that, they don't affect my sleep at all, just bothers me that they're quite haunting...... I've been doing better lately, but I know another will occur. They just play w/ my emotions a lot. Sometimes they're really happy and sometimes really dark. The whole seeing a counselor regularly thing is actually a great way of looking at things, rather than confiding in friends to seek mental treatment, like we naturally do. Great simile.
Author kingofhearts Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 I'm in the same boat as you, a few years younger than you are, but after what I've been through, I'm totally sour on relationships right now. It sucks because it's a useful tool for moving on, to meet someone new, but I just have no interest. Nobody lives with any honor or loyalty anymore, everything is subject to change. I'm trying to get myself comfortable with the idea of being single for a good while, and it doesn't bother me too much, minus missing a few things from being with someone. I just don't have the energy for it anymore, I never get a fair return on my investments, I make mistakes in my relationships but I treat the girls well and nobody has ever appreciated it. A......MUTHAHUMPIN... MEN, Bro! Like I said I will go to any chick and start pouring out gallons of the swag, get the number and all, but just DO NOT have the energy to call or anything.... All because I'm just not looking forward to any broken promises or time wasting. I know I'm going to be stable on my end, but can NOT account for anyone else. Loyalty is just dead and it sickens me. I'm not bitter about other rel either or think they're all a dead end, I wish everyone well to give me hope. On another note, Everything has been better for me since. New Job, Car, Hobbies are flourishing... Just better. I really thought this last rel was the one. I thought I did everything right, but looking back, I lost myself. And now that I have it back, I'm not losing it again.. FOR NO ONE! Funny thing is, the last chick I got done seeing, was chasing me all over the place trying her hardest to figure me out, I didn't treat her like total ****, but far less attentive then anyone I've ever dated and she would come back for more. That's just nuts.... With that said, from here, I think all we can do is take care of ourselves, bro. Indulge in our interest and maybe miss right will come to fit right along in that picture. I'm convinced that my talent will end up attracting miss right. So I'm just going to keep looking forward.
oldguy Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Well I'm glad to say that, they don't affect my sleep at all, just bothers me that they're quite haunting...... I've been doing better lately, but I know another will occur. They just play w/ my emotions a lot. Sometimes they're really happy and sometimes really dark. The whole seeing a counselor regularly thing is actually a great way of looking at things, rather than confiding in friends to seek mental treatment, like we naturally do. Great simile. Try to concentrate on how you felt, the emotions you where feeling while you where in the dream & not so much how the dream made you feel after you woke up. See if that helps make any sense?
M2155 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I think it's a bit of "not having met the right person yet" because of course we will compare how we feel to what we had with the last serious realtionship. Plus relationships are work and I think it's healthy to enjoy not having the responsibility for a while. But even more so, what you said- I think we are more jaded. I feel that way about life in general as I've gotten older, not negative but it's like the more you know, the more you know in the back of your mind it's not as great as it seems and you are wiser to the clues. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes- in high school you can fall in love without a care in the world, there are so many things you have no clue about to even look for. Like a child can jump off a ledge because he has no fear, but once you know what it CAN do to you, you evaluate that ledge very seriously before attempting to jump. For example, I thought my first professional job was so great and I was a great employee... until I got layed off. Well my next job was even better, but I was more sensitive to the fact that they could turn on me any day and that after a couple months my honeymoon period would be over and I'd be watching the clock just like the job before. So it got harder to get excited or hyped up for any good opportunity. I don't know if it's the right analogy for what you are saying but in terms of the jadedness I feel about realtionships once you've gone through something painful or emotional, you are a lot more careful and critical about going forward again. You have a much better idea now of what will feel right to you though it's hard to articulate. But then other people optimistically jump head-first into anything and I admire a little bit of that ability too, it's just not me. Ok I'm not sure if this even relates to your post anymore lol.
M2155 Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 the last chick I got done seeing, was chasing me all over the place trying her hardest to figure me out, I didn't treat her like total ****, but far less attentive then anyone I've ever dated and she would come back for more. That's just nuts.... Flashback:rolleyes:. I wish women would learn this. I went down this road once and looking back, ugh! Definitely a lesson in value.
blindnowisee Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 kingofhearts: I feel you mate.. read my post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t313672/ Learn to let go. Grow as a human being. Embrace it as life experience.
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