senorlachacha Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Okay, so heres the whole story. We're young, so please don't judge. I was in senior year last year, and my ex came into High School as a Freshman. We hit it off after a month or two, and I was her first kiss. But then we found out that her parents wouldn't let us date(age difference, I'm 18, she's 15). So we broke it off. After about a month of no contact, she was dating another guy. They dated for 4 months, until I convinced her to come back to me. I convinced her by telling her how much I loved her, and how we'd marry one another, and she believed me. So she came back to me. Our relationship was secretive from mostly everyone, stressful for her, and we were sometimes caught by her parents, who disciplined her heavily. After 8 months, she broke up with me and went back out with the other kid, saying that she began to develop feelings for him through the stress, and that she doesn't love me anymore. I'm in college now, but she was my first love. I know it because I was never truly as interested in a girl as I was with her. But now she's with him, and its only been a week so far since we broke up, but they're in their honeymoon stage-In love. We talked once, and I found out that she told her friend that she doesn't think she loved me as much as I loved her, and she was miserable in the relationship because of the secrecy. We always used to say that her parents would let us date at the age of 17, but she's not interested right now. At all. And I think I hurt my chances by having her break up with him before. Hes a senior now. Another key is that we live only 2 minutes away. I'm commuting to my school for college, and she lives real close. Is it possible that I can get her back? I know that I can find other girls, but what should I do? No contact and look for other girls? Try again when she's older? Please help me. She's my first love and I truly love everything about her. I did my best to do everything for her, but she was miserable because of the circumstances, I just know it. Thank you for your help! Edited February 12, 2012 by senorlachacha
Author senorlachacha Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 Bump. I'd really like some help, thanks!
blindnowisee Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Cut her off.. move on and start growing yourself as a person. You're way too young to be meddling with problems like this and she is way too young to commit. Read other stories on this forum.. especially the ones where people get in a committed relationship at your age. What patterns do you see? You stick together for 2-8 years and then one of the parties gets bored and wants out.. Why? Because these are the formative years of your life.. you need to go out.. get pissed.. have one night stands.. have fun with your mates.. develop yourself as a human being instead of committing yourself so early on. This is not a Disney movie.. this is life.. go out and live it.. Once you've found yourself as a person and you've lived for the full 100% you will meet your match.. Don't rush it..
Author senorlachacha Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 I understand. I'm not asking for a reason to hold on to anything, but do you think there would be any chance that say, two years from now, she'd be more mature and ready to get into a more mature relationship? If we both moved on and found new people, but then realized things were good between us? Or would that just fall into the GIGS category that you described? Where you get bored of a person after 2-8 years? The only reason I'm asking is if she is going through something like GIGS now, it'll make her realize that she can be more committed in the future? In no way will I go out of my way to wait for her..but its always good to know if you should ever try again with a clean slate or not.
Author senorlachacha Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 Would anyone else have any ideas on this?
Philosoraptor Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 My goodness you're kids. I'm not going to question your feelings but as you grow into yourself you will discover stronger things in your future. I remember those high school "we'll be together forever" feelings, they pass as each person grows up. Don't try to scapegoat this on anything, she is still a kid. She has teenager syndrome meaning she does not know enough about herself to commit to anything forever. She was unhappy with the stress and left. Everyone needs to do personal growth and learn who they are as a person, and that is generally done while outside of a relationship. Odds are you will both continue to grow as individuals, meet someone you are compatible with, and find your own path to happiness.
Author senorlachacha Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 I agree Flour, thank you. It's just very hard to accept that you won't actually be able to have a true relationship with your first love, you know? No matter what, I will always think "What if we gave it one last shot with her parents' approval?" I know its not a healthy thought, but it will always be there, even when I do move on. I think that's understandable, but probably best not to act on. You hit the nail on the head with us being young and I've read through a lot of the GIGS threads to see that people my age that become seriously committed eventually get bored within 2-8 years. It's just hard to not think "It was the stress of going behind her parents' backs, not the relationship" that screwed us over. I've kept NC since the breakup..should I ever let it up? We were best friends before we got together.
Author senorlachacha Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 The one thing I will dispute though, Flour, is that our relationship wasn't healthy. We both cared about one another deeply, but we both knew somewhere that it just wasn't our time. Our relationship always kept her in fear that her parents would find out. The fear and stress, she said so herself, we're from hiding it from her parents. While this is a big reason of why we break up, I understand everything else you've said and I agree with you. Even if we do get together, it probably won't work. Nothing will stop her from leaving again, even if we do everything right.
Author senorlachacha Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Thank you, I appreciate that. The one hope that I'm holding on to, Flour, is that I keep NC for a very long time, live my life, let her live hers, and if I'm still interested in reconnecting a year or two from now, I do. But that would still apply to many of your points, right? The fact that she is young and that relationships at our age usually don't work?
Author senorlachacha Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Agreed. Very, very much agreed. Thank you so much for your help, I appreciate it. Somewhere deep down, I'll hope and pray, and maybe things between us will be better one day. But for now, I'm going to better myself. Look back on the relationship and see what went wrong for both of us, and live my life. After I'm done moving on, I'll establish contact and we'll see how it goes from there. You never know where the wind will take us.
Author senorlachacha Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 But I really, really appreciate the help you've given me, Flour. Thank you so much.
Author senorlachacha Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 So, the guy she went after broke up after 11 days..karmas a b*tch, now isn't it? Still keeping no contact. Any other advice guys? I know its only been a little over two weeks, but I miss her like hell.
CaliBabe Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Wow, indeed it is. Keep your NC, missing her is normal. You can do it, keep going!
Recommended Posts