UmbrellaBoy Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Long story short, I met a guy online in Spring 2010 and we really hit if off. However, with the long distance and all, he started dating an old friend of his that Fall. I was heartbroken, but I kept courting him discretely from afar, and eventually it escalated into an emotional affair. He fell for me, and it all culminated in things getting physical (not sex, though) when I came up to visit him in Spring 2011. After that happened, I cut him off; you can't just go on being friends with someone you cheat with, you have to make a choice at that point. However, he came crawling back and made indications that he was going to end things with the boyfriend and choose me, and so he manages to appease me for another month. Instead, they move in together. Lots of drama: I move to his city, there are a couple month-long periods of not speaking to each other (one imposed by him, the other mutually agreed upon) interspersed with periods of intense "negotiation," ultimatums, chewing him out for being a player, etc. In December, when I went no contact again, finally, he broke up with the boyfriend and things were moving in the direction of us finally closing the deal. The boyfriend is poor though, and wouldn't be moving out until February or March. Well, the ex is still living there. Furthermore, my guy seems to waffle between hot and cold with me. In January there was a "crisis" wherein I had to talk him out of this cut-off email I received out-of-the-blue (wherein he trumped up a lot of pious sounding objections, but really it seems he was just having severe cold-feet/second-thoughts about leaving the boyfriend). Now we're in a weird limbo. He's often "busy," and I think is still going to events with the boyfriend (they are "still good friends" and I don't begrudge that in itself, but I think they need to take some space for a good long while first, otherwise he's basically just stringing us both along again by "not being officially with either.") I was worried for a while they had gotten back together, but that's the sort of thing my guy would be inclined to tell me right away (he's manipulative, but never dishonest, and has an almost compulsive urge to "confess" such things right away), instead we continue texting and messaging and emailing playfully. Still, I worry about a sense of distance from him; he often doesn't answer texts, or answers them hours later, and we have been seeing each other only once a weekend usually now. I understand needing space after the break-up, but if he's still spending time with the ex... Anyway, I'm sitting here on a Saturday night now. We didn't see each other last weekend because he was out of town, but I expected we might this weekend...but no word yet. He knows I want to have a "talk" and maybe he's fearing that, I also know he's busy with applications for grad school, but still. And yet, just last night, we had an incredibly intimate and affectionate exchange by email. I try not to be too needy in texting, try to play it like I'm not too concerned so that he initiates (and he usually does if he hasn't heard from me in a while), but at the same time I'm terrified I'm going to check my email and find another out-of-the-blue cold-feet cut-off email. I just don't know what to do.
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