ThaWholigan Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Do you ever feel like you are better looking than you think you are at some points? Like I see pics of myself and think ":sick:", but then I look in the mirror and I walk down the street in some nice threads and I suddenly feel like I'm a sexy beast , lot of attention these days, was a bit overwhelmed! Been happening a lot recently, even though I haven't even started my proper workout regime yet, so God knows how that's gonna go down once I get into it . How have you underrated your own appearance in your life?
FrustratedStandards Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 For me it's more along the lines of "I didn't know so many men were attracted to a woman like me" or "I never thought men like that would look at me". It's not so much about my own attractiveness as it is about other men's tastes. That's how I think.
Fondue Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 When I'm out and about or look at a mirror, I think, "Eeehhh, I'm really not attractive. Meh." Then when I see people post pictures of me after a night out and see myself, I think: "Holy damn, I'm a sexy beast!" It especially becomes awkward when everyone around me says, "dude, the chicks over there/here/etc. are checking you out!" I never see this. I guess I'm oblivious to people "checking me out," or I simply don't want to believe that others may find me attractive. I think we all believe ourselves to be unattractive because it almost feels natural to think less of ourselves, but when you compare it to everyone around yourself, you suddenly start thinking otherwise .
Author ThaWholigan Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 When I'm out and about or look at a mirror, I think, "Eeehhh, I'm really not attractive. Meh." Then when I see people post pictures of me after a night out and see myself, I think: "Holy damn, I'm a sexy beast!" It especially becomes awkward when everyone around me says, "dude, the chicks over there/here/etc. are checking you out!" I never see this. I guess I'm oblivious to people "checking me out," or I simply don't want to believe that others may find me attractive. I think we all believe ourselves to be unattractive because it almost feels natural to think less of ourselves, but when you compare it to everyone around yourself, you suddenly start thinking otherwise . I always used to have this happen. I don't think I am photogenic though, I think I'm much better looking in real life.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 When I'm out and about or look at a mirror, I think, "Eeehhh, I'm really not attractive. Meh." Then when I see people post pictures of me after a night out and see myself, I think: "Holy damn, I'm a sexy beast!" I used to sway back and forth between thinking I was unattractive/attractive, too. I don't anymore--I feel like I know exactly where I stand on a comparative attractiveness scale. I think I learned it by becoming a connoisseur of the human form--picking it apart, trying to figure out what makes one person more beautiful than another, and over the course of years, objectively taking a look at myself and figuring out what my strengths and weaknesses are. This awareness has been a game-changer for my confidence and interaction with women--and all people--for several reasons. First, it means I feel like I know how I compare to the people around me, which in turn means that I have a much better guess what the people around me think of my attractiveness as well. Sometimes I KNOW I'm the sexiest beast in the room (usually I'm not--depends on the setting), and if I'm with a woman, that just makes my confidence soar and makes everything easier. Even if I'm not the sexiest in the room--or even in the top half of it, as is not uncommon in some social situations--I know my worth. Even if I don't compare well with the people around me, I'm aware that I compare well to most people. The second reason it has been a game-changer for my relationships is it has guided what type of woman I look for. I prefer to date someone near me in attractiveness (and intelligence, income, etc etc), because that way, I know she won't be "high maintenance," i.e. the woman won't think she's trading her greater attractiveness for other attributes of mine. Before I knew how attractive I was, I didn't know where to shoot for. I could shoot for someone significantly more attractive than I am, but I don't like the odds of it lasting without some sort of pain or trade-off that I'd eventually have to make. I'd rather avoid all of that kind of dynamic--if we have roughly equal strengths, there shouldn't be much insecurity out of either of us. Opposites can attract--I usually think of Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe as a great example of this--but when one person is significantly more attractive than the other, the greater sense of self-worth the attractive person has can become more of a pain than it's worth for the less-attractive person. This can vary depending upon how well the couple matches up; I certainly believe there are plenty of exceptions where attractive/less-attractive people have a long, happy life together and indeed I know people like this (my stepsister and her husband are like this) and could see myself in such a relationship, but the odds just don't seem to be as good, so I usually avoid it. When you're shooting for people around your own level, your odds are just better.
Anela Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 For me it's more along the lines of "I didn't know so many men were attracted to a woman like me" or "I never thought men like that would look at me". It's not so much about my own attractiveness as it is about other men's tastes. That's how I think. This is it for me, too, although looking back, I was prettier than I thought I was at the time.
Author ThaWholigan Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 This is it for me, too, although looking back, I was prettier than I thought I was at the time. What I'm beginning to suspect right now.......
phineas Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I spent the last 15 yrs ranging from overweight to fat bastard. Last summer people said I looked amazing but I figured it was because I looked like hell before. But I still see a fat guy in the mirror sometimes because I don't have that 6-pack even though women don't mind I have a little pouch. Their more drawn to my arms & chest & the fact i'm generally lean.
Author ThaWholigan Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 I spent the last 15 yrs ranging from overweight to fat bastard. Last summer people said I looked amazing but I figured it was because I looked like hell before. But I still see a fat guy in the mirror sometimes because I don't have that 6-pack even though women don't mind I have a little pouch. Their more drawn to my arms & chest & the fact i'm generally lean. I was never a fit child either, but I'm 23 now and I have the potential of what my dad calls a "warrior's physique". So I cannot put off being fit now, I've got a bit of a belly, but I've cleaned up my hygiene even more, and I'm starting to be a little more style conscious as I never was before. Next step is proper fitness and hopefully a martial art.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Your thread title and first line of the post seem antithetical. I can say I done what the thread title says and put myself down a lot unnecesarily because I have a weight problem and sometimes women still think I'm handsome even though I think fat ***. In the times where I really get myself all together fit, I don't rate myself or anything, I just feel like a hunk and love wearing fitting duds and strutting like a proud cocksman.
Cracker Jack Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 This is something I still do nowadays. I'll look in the mirror and feel like "eh", and when I'm out glancing at myself through a car window or something, I feel good and appreciate how I look. I dunno. It's mad inconsistent, tho. The days I usually felt were the oddest were the days where I wasn't feeling attractive at all, yet when I'd be in the city, I'd get tons of attention from women, whether it'd be strong eye contact, winking, smiling, etc. I personally think I'm ok. I'd like to actually start believing I'm capable of being attractive.
Titania22 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I think we all overestimate and underestimate our attractiveness, but also it\'s transient thing. Some days we look better then others. For me I think I estimate my attractiveness by how I feel, where other people would estimate my attractiveness by how I actually look. Since I am very prone to having a discrepancy between how I look and how I feel, it is probably a rare day when I am not either overestimating or underestimating my attractiveness.
Jane2011 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I've done both (underestimated and overestimated my attractiveness). I think I used to think of myself as kinda hot, but in the past six or seven years, I don't. I think I'm okay. At the same time, as someone mentioned above, sometimes I think I'm just so bleh, yet some good-looking guy will be attracted to me. Or tell me I'm attractive. I do feel, though, like guys use the word "beautiful" too liberally. I've been told I was beautiful by many men, but then again, I'm sure they say that to every freakin' woman around. In fact, I know they do. And I know I'm not really beautiful anyway. I'm a short Asian woman, that's all. So...yeah. I am jealous of a lot of women, so that just goes to show...well, that I'm jealous.
poodle Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I wouldn't know if I'm underestimating my own attractiveness because I'm in no position to judge it. Everybody has a different idea of what they find attractive so as long as my view isn't affecting my confidence, it's irrelevant.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I wouldn't know if I'm underestimating my own attractiveness because I'm in no position to judge it. Everybody has a different idea of what they find attractive so as long as my view isn't affecting my confidence, it's irrelevant. Unless your avatar is obscuring a LOT of flaws, you appear to be at least somewhat above the "average" you've described yourself as before.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I think I tend more towards underestimating my own age … I feel the same as I did when I was 30. Only, I'm not 30 anymore.
spookie Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I have a feeling I probably over-estimate my own attractiveness. Specifically, I think I have body dysmorphic disorder in reverse. I was a very stringy teenager and still think of myself that way, tall thin and flat, when it's really not the case at all anymore. Recently I had a dr appt because my BC was making me bleed. She said based on my T&A, I likely produced more estrogen than the average chick, and needed a pill with more progesterone to balance it out. Having spent my teen years stuffing my bra, it was a shock to me that my boobs were now considered bigger than average. But BDD contributes to my confidence, which helps me score, so it is a bad thing? Edited February 12, 2012 by spookie
tigressA Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I know I'm fairly attractive and am able to see that overall picture when looking in the mirror, but I do have my 'blah' days where I feel I don't look as good...usually connected to how I feel mentally and/or physically. My confidence regarding my looks has definitely gone up over the last 10 years. In junior high/high school, I always thought I was ugly. I was rail-thin and I had slight acne/acne scarring, and for years I had a super-short curly pixie cut. I hadn't gotten any romantic interest from guys until I was in college. That was when my hair was past my shoulders, my skin started clearing up, and I gained a bit of weight. When I was younger I always had positive comments about my appearance from adults, like my parents' contemporaries, but not from my peers. I only started feeling more confident about my looks once people my age affirmed my attractiveness. Anyone else been in that situation?
Anela Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 One person here has seen a few pictures, and can tell you that I wasn't gorgeous, but okay-looking; my self-esteem in that way was just... not good at all. I covered myself up a lot, and wish that I'd had more fun with it all. I'm amazed by the number of women - including those I think are gorgeous - who underestimated their looks, until they hit their thirties/forties, looked back and it really hit them, just as certain things hit me. If I'd known they were walking around feeling insecure about anything, I would have lightened up a bit, most likely. It was when I started to exercise again, and get out more, as well as wear more form-fitting and lady-like clothing, here and there, that my confidence grew a bit.
TaintedHeart Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I was never a fit child either, but I'm 23 now and I have the potential of what my dad calls a "warrior's physique". So I cannot put off being fit now, I've got a bit of a belly, but I've cleaned up my hygiene even more, and I'm starting to be a little more style conscious as I never was before. Next step is proper fitness and hopefully a martial art. Hmm. When I have bad days and feel like a beast thats when I get the most attention. Pretty crazy really.
carhill Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 How have you underrated your own appearance in your life? Honestly, I rarely have thought about it, except when reading threads like this on LS. My sense of self, my self-image, doesn't derive from the appearance seen in the mirror nor from other's observations. Hence, whenever someone compliments me on such aspects, I have to stop and take it in a bit and shift to that image and put it into context. I would say it's more of not estimating my attractiveness rather than under-estimating it. Too many other fish to fry in life.
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I feel a lot better about my appearance when I look in the mirror ("Well, hello, gorgeous/hot stuff! You are lookin' GOOD today!") than when I see pictures of myself ("OMG! Ick! Is that what I look like?!?").
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Do you ever feel like you are better looking than you think you are at some points? Like I see pics of myself and think ":sick:", but then I look in the mirror and I walk down the street in some nice threads and I suddenly feel like I'm a sexy beast , lot of attention these days, was a bit overwhelmed! Been happening a lot recently, even though I haven't even started my proper workout regime yet, so God knows how that's gonna go down once I get into it . How have you underrated your own appearance in your life? I feel pretty cute when I look in the mirror, then I see pictures of myself and am pretty hard on myself. I have had guys yell out comments or hit on me but I have also had guys reject me based on pictures or first dates. I use to have more confidence when I was younger and was less ignorant to what it was men really wanted. Even though I wasn't in as good of shape. But I think that for the most part, I am simply not what most men want and that I have to be happy with the crumbs men that give me a chance throw me while they lust atfer the really hot type of women hot guys to below average guys idolize. I've learned that wanting to feel and be beautiful is only for really pretty hot girls that men deem beautiful. But for average girls, wanting to feel or be beautiful to your man is an unrealistic standard and he deals with you and your average looks because of your sweet personality but really wants to bang the 18 year old stripper or pornstar he is jerking off to. So sometimes he has to picture these girls just to make it through a session with you because you are simply not good enough for the standards he's been used to seeing. And if you admit the honesty in this, people are likely to scream at you that you are "just insecure" and act like it's completely unfounded or wrong to feel insecure about the millions of visuals men are getting everyday about women and their bodies.
garycoleman Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think I look that good but when switched from glasses to contacts a hot female friend told me I looked so cute. It felt good.
Author ThaWholigan Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 I feel pretty cute when I look in the mirror, then I see pictures of myself and am pretty hard on myself. I have had guys yell out comments or hit on me but I have also had guys reject me based on pictures or first dates. I use to have more confidence when I was younger and was less ignorant to what it was men really wanted. Even though I wasn't in as good of shape. But I think that for the most part, I am simply not what most men want and that I have to be happy with the crumbs men that give me a chance throw me while they lust atfer the really hot type of women hot guys to below average guys idolize. I've learned that wanting to feel and be beautiful is only for really pretty hot girls that men deem beautiful. But for average girls, wanting to feel or be beautiful to your man is an unrealistic standard and he deals with you and your average looks because of your sweet personality but really wants to bang the 18 year old stripper or pornstar he is jerking off to. So sometimes he has to picture these girls just to make it through a session with you because you are simply not good enough for the standards he's been used to seeing. And if you admit the honesty in this, people are likely to scream at you that you are "just insecure" and act like it's completely unfounded or wrong to feel insecure about the millions of visuals men are getting everyday about women and their bodies. I can imagine that this is a reality for many girls, and I do regret that many men do not have a broad enough scope with which they appreciate beauty. I think that men who are less congruent with themselves and their desires are perhaps the ones who will fall prey to such a mentality when dealing with girls. Ironically, I find that men who are exceedingly good with women, are much more open to all forms of beauty in a woman, rather than just the standard "hot" preference. On the other side of this coin, I don't think that this is a trap that all men fall into. It may seem like many, but I think that a lot of men are still boys in a sense. They still have to grow, to understand things, to gain a better scope of the world, build their character, and formulate their own standards of what is beautiful to them instead of what everyone else says is attractive. I was given a torrid time today when there was a conversation in which a few male friends were slating Adele, and that they would never have sex with her. But I think that Adele is beautiful in her own right even though she isn't necessarily my taste, and I admitted that I could see myself kissing her and giving her a good stiff one and enjoying it, to which I was chastised for a few minutes I must say . Crude example I'll admit But I have faith that men are indeed present with the women in their lives enough to make them feel beautiful and feel indeed like women, and proud. I aspire to do so with whomever I decide to have a relationship with, especially if I am to have children with her. I guess I am just an optimist like that.
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