PAP Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Hi there, I ended my three year relationship and i am feeling terribly sad and depressed. My gf is the best type of girl i have ever met, kind, loving, funny, she was always there for me. We didn't had any problems, the only problem was from my side, feeling a bit unsure of my feelings towards her and always wanting space from her. As my gf is dreaming to make a family i didn't want to prolong her pain and make her wait for me to be ready so i decided that is best for the two of us to separate. I am 30 years old and she is 28. Why i am feeling so much depressed and sad, it was my choice shouldn't i feel relieved that its over? I am confused did anyone felt the same when decided to end their relationship? Moreover i cant understand why i decided to separate from such a wonderful person, i started to wonder if i have any commitment issues here... Thanxs
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Were you upfront with her about not wanting a family?
Author PAP Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Yes i did tell her before that i was not ready to get married, but i think she was hoping that some day maybe i will...
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Then you may have done the right thing. It's sad that it ended, but if you know you aren't ready, don't string her along.
Author PAP Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Thanxs for the replies, thats why i ended it because i do love and respect her and didn't want to prolong her suffering, she deserves the life she dreams of. The thing that confuses me is that i am suffering as well now and i wonder why i feel that way! Is it the ego speaking, is it because i love her, is it because i am afraid of the future, i really cant tell.
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 It's a bit of both, you were with her a while. It's going to take some transitioning. In the meantime, figure out what you really want out of a relationship, and be upfront with the next woman.
cincinnatikid Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I think it takes a lot of strength and courage to do what you have done. To be frank, it is truly an honest gesture even though she may feel it is damaging to her and heartless. If you were not ready to have a family and commit to that, you made the decision not to string her along. That's being SELFLESS, not SELFISH. Somewhere deep down you had second guessings about being able to give her everything she wants, wanted. Does that mean you would if you could? Hell no! Just not right now. My hope is she'll realize this when she can be rational, if only for a brief while. She may in fact respect you more for it. If she really does love you and can recognize your not ready, maybe she will draw back her expectations as well. That's up to her though. Either way, I commend you for what you have done. There is something greater than our selves out there watching out for us and don't think for a second it hasn't noticed your recent action. In time it will be rewarded in some way or another.
Author PAP Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 cincinnatikid thanxs for your reply somehow it made me feel better. I waited for a while to speak to her, i was postponing it for weeks, months as i was hoping for something inside me to trigger more intense feelings. But the only thing that i managed to do is to prolong the inevitable. She loves me but i dont think that she will draw back her expectations as she is 28 she wants to have a family and her parents are worrying why after so long with me we didn't settled down. (i haven't even met them!!) Something inside me tells me that maybe i should at least try harder because she deserves it as she was always there for me , but another part of me wants to let her go to find the love she deserves. Strange how our mind works..
smokey bear Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Welcome to gigs, it was the worst experience of my life
Author PAP Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Hi smokey bear can you elaborate on that? whats gigs?
Bito Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Gigs = Grass is Greener Syndrome This is not what you are experiencing. What you did was the right thing to do and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is natural to feel pain because you no longer have the companionship your are so accustomed to. I know this is SUPER cheesy and i roll my eyes even as I am about to write it BUT "If it is truly meant to be fate will reunite you back together" Spend some time alone and figure out why you were uncertain about your feelings for her. Use this time to self reflect to see why you might have commitment issues. Stay strong my friend your sad feelings will pass
Author PAP Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 Hi Bito thanxs for the reply, it makes sense. Why when i am close to her i need to escape and freak out when she mentions marriage and when i feel that i may lose her i freak out and want her back? I am confused why do i need her back so badly now, i ve been crying myself all day.
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