kalena9488 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Well my last post was in Aug 2011. I don't even remember what it entailed though I know it was related to what I putting here now. I may use this as a plae to put my thoughts and feelings when I'm feeling lonley. If you read my post from about August of 2009 or so you'll know what I'm talking about. My BF from March 2009, we lived together till January 2011 when he moved out. We had alot of issues such as his pot use (I didn't figure it out till I was invested), his lack of money (didn't realize his job situation till too late). Well, I said alot but honestly these were the two big ones. We have a total of 7 kids between the two of us none of mine live at home and none of his lived at home at the time. One to two of mine come visit in the summer and three of his come visit in the summer. So, I got out of my 1 bedroom apartment and I bought a 4 bedroom/2bath house in the hopes that we have enough room for the kids when they came to visit. Well to make a long story short. From the time we moved in he never helped me pay the bills. On my birthday he might have bought me a present but then I didn't get any money towards bills so I felt like I bought my own present. Then he always got his kids. I don't mind kids but they have other parents as well and he pays child support so in my opinion I didn't want kids except when it was our weekend to have them. But, he got the every weekend. He didn't do anything with them. But, it felt like he got them so we would be limited in what we did. He did a little yard work around the house for awhile but then that stopped. He never even cleaned a bathroom while he lived here. Needless to say I reached my limit and asked him to leave becaues of the fact that I was paying for everything and I was finding pot in my garage, I also found it in his vehicle which I had riden in with him as well as his and my kids. (Putting us all in danger) He moves out and two of his kids which lived out of state with their mother get taken away from their mother due to her drug issues. The CPS was called by the school. They found the kids and her living in a hotel, the kids were full of lice etc, etc. So, he gets custody of the kids has to move out of the 1 bedroom apartment he had gotten (I paid to rent for him). So he moved back in with me temporarily till he found a place big enough for the three of them. Which he was here about a month. Things were strictly plutonic. He moved out again to the bigger house (I really was just trying to be a friend at this point). He got his kids and we saw each other a bit. Over the next 5 months I'd go over there drink a few beers etc. I was just so torn over how I felt. He had kept telling me that he quit smoking pot for me because he loved me so much and wants a relationship with me again. I don't know what it is about him but I won't lie..I still love him a bit at this very moment. We hang out, go to the beach etc etc. In August 2011 we were talking about maybe starting to really see each other and be a couple and the prospect of living togethr someday because a long term relationship is what I'm wanting. The next thing you know and I mean like the next day he starts pressuring me. Then he tells me his landlord is coming over to talk to him and do I want for us to be together and live together again or what. Honestly I didn't know what to do. I'm a pleaser and a caregiver by nature. And in my head I was saying no, but I let him back in. I knew at that point that he was probably in the process of being evicted but of course he denied it. So, he and his two kids (12 and 15) moved in with me this time. The kids were okay at least they did what I asked. I gave them chores. I had told him about the things I didn't like when he lived here the first time and he swore it wouldn't be like that again. But it wasn't even two weeks and I felt like he had never left. I'm all for kids doing chores etc. But I expected him to atleast keep the yard and he would let his kids do it. They would do a half ass job and he wouledn't even look at it and make them fix the issues or anything. Then he started treating them terrible. Pushing the girl around etc. That's the point I decided I didn't want to be a part of a relationship with him. I asked him to move out again. I gave him 4 months to get his act together and move out which he did. He allowed his daughter to go back with the mother who had lost custody of her because he didn't want to deal with her. She's 15 a really a good girl. She is having some issues but not bad. So, here we are he's moved out! I changed my number because he kept texting me. So now he's emailing me. Every morning..."Good Morning beautiful, hope you have a great day". Wanting to take me out for V day. When we were living together this last time we hardly spoke, he never texted me good morning beautiful etc and for three V days he always got his kids and even bought us the same junk for V day. So why bother now! OH and then he tells me via email yesterday that he bought a boat. You know I really don't want to hear that when you couldn't even spare money for the water bill or the electric bill or even anything for the mortgage payment. I am lonely right now. Men don't talk to me when I go out and I don't know why. I'm a nice looking women (so I've been told by men who like me at work) (not going there) and I have a good job. I just needed to vent and I'm just going to come back to this thread and post about how I'm feeling when I'm wanting to throw in the towel and see him. I almost went to have drinks with him last night but I finally told him no and I just stayed home I've got to get him out of my life. Thanks for reading.
M2155 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Stop. Go find some girlfriends, go on a trip, swear off of men for a while... You need to get him out of your system. He is using you because he can. Living with you is convenient, safe and you deal with it. Not easy to find someone that will deal with two teenagers. Good on you though for getting him to leave because a lot of women in your situation couldn't even do that. Ignore his lame attempts to keep you in his grasp. It's pretty obvious he does JUST ENOUGH to get you where he wants you and then slacks off. My guess is you don't want to spend the rest of your life playing this game. I'm sorry you feel lonely, sometimes it feels better to have someone to think about even if he's not a good match than to have no one at all. But you really have to make yourself find other outlets or friends/family and in doing so, hopefully meet new people to spend time with. At any rate, I hope this situation gets better for you.
fetish1980 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Usually there's a reason things didn't work out the first time. And when you try it again it's the same result. My ex fiance and i have lived together on several occasions. The last time before we broke up, we were engaged and were living together just 3 months shy of 2 years. I've seen her a couple of times and she even asked me if she could move back in. I knew that wouldn't be good for me emotionally and plus we aren't even together. Why would i want to put myself through that? My suggestion to you, keep the notion that your not someone's flop. You're not there for his convience. fetish
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Get out of this cycle with this guy. Not only for yourself, but there's kids in this situation that keep getting uprooted. Know that you're worth more than being treated like this, and better things will come to you.
Recommended Posts