Im leaving him after 15yrs :(

[las2no]

I have been with my what I would call a sex addict husband, yes I know "why did you marry him" well I had his baby now she is 11yrs old and here we are ready to divorce, it's been a tough 15yrs married only 71/2 yrs...I found out just in the last yr my whole time with him has been a lie after lie,Im told by our closest guy friend (his best friend) that if he did cheat it was a long time ago..hmmm ....now I go and throw him a surprise 40th b-day party for him blowing off what our friend had told me! Then I find out 3 days before his party...I took him to a strip joint which is what I had been doing with him many times, for a long time I never would go to those kind of bars..but he had bought me implants that gave me more confinence (SHA) (NOT) anyway I took him to a strip club on his actual b-day 3 days before, we had run into a guy he knew, I went on walking letting them talk and I overheard him say "PLESE DONT TELL MY WIFE I BEEN GOING TO THE ODDESSY" which was a all nude strip bar 2 yrs ago now it's a peep show type place..im so confused he wont tell me anything of the facts. Just makes me out to be some crazy chic that came up with this in my head, I had never even heard of the place, I know what I heard and so does he..deny deny deny is his thing..he is a slick person, so now im still dealing with him wanting to watch porn ALWAYS just to have sex with me, and im a pretty girl! Why if I give him everything at anytime would he do this to me? It has been 6 months since I found out all this mess, worst yr 2011..wow is all I can say..I thought we had something! He also was trying to get my best friend to send him naked pics of her..why would a guy do this I have never hurt him in any way..can I plz get some thought..we have been fighting so bad im going to try my hardest to move out this next week, but I love him and I really dont want to go, he dont care otherwise..so I need to just move on..I just need some thoughts from men?? ty

[Steadfast]

If he's keeping secrets from you, then he's worried about losing something. Otherwise, why bother? Men are often dense, and he'll probably be devastated if you leave, but something tells me you'd like to see just how much. Is your leaving a test?

 

Looking at porn and visiting strip clubs doesn't make you a sex addict. Then again (if there is such a thing...I have my doubts) it would be hard to imagine a sex addict who didn't. Again, it seems you've tried to keep him attracted, but why would you take a sex addict to a strip club? Strange.

 

Look, everyone struggles to stay happily married, and it takes two to do it. Before acting, I'd sit hubby down and tell him exactly what you've written here. Let him know your unhappy, hurt and tired of both. If he refuses to listen, then you know he's not interesting in working on things.

 

Just know when you leave, he will be. But it may not be for the right reasons.

[las2no]

He's worried he will loose his daughter and his pride! I have went over this jealousy thing with other girls/porn over and over again with him, he says he wants to be with me, does show some compassion at times! It has always been a test with me and he knows it, I never planned it to be, but when I talk to him about these problems I do tell him it was all a test (and he never passes) and I know it's my own fault for putting up with such thing, but it's all to test and maybe to keep him happy with me , not the right way to go about it (I Know) he's very afraid to loose me, talked me into staying with him..guess all I can do is hang aroung and see if he will start respecting me?! Ty for your input it meant alot to me.