lilian Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I'll try to be short. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. We have been together for 2 years and he is so good for me. Giving me all the support I need, loving me wholeheartedly and making me very happy. I never thought this sort of love was possible and what we share is so precious. He does all the right things, never lets me down and I trust him. Let me come straight to the problem: before me my boyfriend had - at times (which means when he was single) - quite a wild time. He had quite a lot one night stands and slept with A LOT of women. I - at the contrary - have been brought up in a very catholic way, waiting for my first time until I was 19 and only slept with 3 men in my whole life. ( I am 29 years old). Furthermore he is English and it seems to be normal in England for girls and guys to sleep around a lot whereas I am Italian and women are considered sluts who sleep around. Anyway, I have tremendous problems understanding what sort of man screws a lot of women who mean nothing to him. I can not understand how he can be this loving and understanding man to me when another part of his seems to be so "cold"! Another thing that annoys me is that he is still in rare contact with a few of his ex-bonks and ex-girlfriends; not actually going out with them but sharing the odd phone call or sms. Despite his kindness and love, I am seriously considering breaking up with him which would hurt me so much but I cannot see a solution to the problem! He doesn't see my pain but says that his past has nothing to do with us and gets quite impatient with me when I bring it up. Letting it go, making it look like I don't care about his "careless" past and the odd sms would be self-denial from my side. Going on about it will DEFINITELY destroy this wonderful love we are sharing. Can two people with such different backgrounds ever work out? Why does he not understand that coming to terms with his wild past may even be possible but that I DO NOT want him to be contacted by his ex-bonks any more. As it puts me through a lot of pain. Thank you so much!
sportsloving Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 I love my boyfriend with all my heart The thing about love is you know all about the person but still love them anyways Anyway, I have tremendous problems understanding what sort of man screws a lot of women who mean nothing to him. I can not understand how he can be this loving and understanding man to me when another part of his seems to be so "cold"! Obviously you said this was in his past. Some people are able to do one night stands, others can not. He is loving and understanding to you because he cares and loves you. The other little flings were scratching an itch. It doesn't mean he has parts that are cold ... just means at the time he wasn't into relationships. Be happy, he is now and with you. Another thing that annoys me is that he is still in rare contact with a few of his ex-bonks and ex-girlfriends; not actually going out with them but sharing the odd phone call or sms Have you told him that this bothers you? If you are merely letting it pass and not telling him what you are feeling, he won't know that it bothers you. If he really cares about you, then he will ask whomever to stop all contact ... especially seeing how they don't seem to be conversing on a regular basis. Despite his kindness and love, I am seriously considering breaking up with him which would hurt me so much but I cannot see a solution to the problem! He doesn't see my pain but says that his past has nothing to do with us and gets quite impatient with me when I bring it up. I guess I don't understand this part. You are willing to break up with the man you have said you love with all your heart because of the way he was before he met you? What about the way he treats you now? How would you feel if he told you that he had a problem with you having three previous relationships before him and he was going to break up with you over that? Our pasts relate to how we are in the present. You can either deal with his past and realize it is his past, or you can continue to let it destroy your future with him. Why does he not understand that coming to terms with his wild past may even be possible but that I DO NOT want him to be contacted by his ex-bonks any more. As it puts me through a lot of pain. Did you tell him that you don't wish for him to be contacted by his previous "relations"? Have you said that it hurts you? You can't expect any person to not have a past ... it is the way the world is. I wouldn't judge the guy on his past, judge him on his present and how he treats you. I hope it works out for you both.
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