unsure !

[jessp12]

Hi im very unsure what to do and im thinking about it all the time but cannot make a decision incase its the wrong thing to do. I have been on/off with my now ex for 7 years we were n a long distance relationship but I couldnt trust him as he is a bit of a womaniser and also can be aggressive so id find out things and i was paranoid i would get angry at him then he would get aggressive and id break up with him for a while and thats how its always been, although he has never told me that he has slept with anyone seeing things lying about in his flat of womens that he says are years old but his flats a mess and they keep popping up now and again and it really looks like a tip!! makes me think otherwise but i also think that the times that we have been seperated he might have done something but i cant really say anything because i had left him.

There are times he has been really angry at me and its kind of left a fear in me but he has never hit me but hes kind of mentally scarred me. 2 years ago i went to a refuge because he threatend me and because i was on my own with the kids i did feel scared i got rehoused and i didnt see him for a year but he was always on my case saying he wanted us to meet and that he still wants to be with me so a few times i went over to meet him and it was really nice and the feelings for him well still there and we got on really well again. When we are together we are always loved up and we do get on really well and he makes me feel good about myself. Its only when i find out about some girl hes been chatting to or he does something to anger me that we get into an argument then he gets aggressive.

Anyway i have been going to see him some weekends on my own without my children who havnt seen him since we went into the hostal (they are not his) I kept them away because they have witness things with him and me and have been upset over it so i thought if im gonna meet him ill go to him weekends and everytime i been there we have been fine. We are still paranoid over each other because we live in different cities and i still see things in his flat but i dont say nothing now. Now the problem is he wants to meet up with the kids to have a meal with them then he wants to start coming round my new house and wants us to be together properly now i would love that and i know we will get on well but im worried that things will be lke they were and ill move again or he will be aggressive again in front of the boys. My youngest says he doesnt like him and my oldest says he aint bothered and my familys saying ill be stupid to go back. Hes says we will be happier and he is willing to go counselling together but i dont want to make another mistake but i still love him and dont wanna be with anyone else its all or nothing now.