Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Why stop with just texting and online. How long is it before were having "sex" the way they did in the movie Demolition Man. Just putting a VR headset on or something.
OliveOyl Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Hmmm... online dating worked for me. Met my BF who I've been seeing since last April. Still going strong. He was the second person I met through OLD. We're both in our early 50s. I would say he set things up well. We exchanged a couple of brief messages through the online service, and then we met in person very soon after that. Neither of us hang out in bars so that wouldn't even be an option. I think OLD is as valid a way to meet someone as other means.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) I guess the man I've been seeing for nearly two years, who I met online, must be a figment of my imagination then, thanks for letting me know. Most people who do online dating DO actually go and meet their date in person. About half of the dating issues aired on this board are about online dating. In real life everyone I know who has tried online dating has found it a giant waste of time. JUST DON'T BOTHER WITH ONLINE DATING. Online interaction is at most a form of mild entertainment. That goes for online dating, Facebook dating, any kind of online dating. Don't take it so seriously. 80% of communication is non verbal. Before a word is said body language already ask for a date and says yes. Online dating lacks that crucial aspect. Last but not least: Many people on those websites have no real interest in forming a relationship out of online dating. They are people who are in real life relationships who want online interactions to add some extra spice to their lives. That's not just a bitter rant on my part. http://www.ellecanada.com/relationships/i-heart-you-online-dating-and-infidelity/a/32308 http://healthland.time.com/2011/06/29/cyberspace-infidelity-cheaters-prefer-to-be-unfaithful-in-person-rather-than-online/ http://www.cheatingspousepi.com/online_infidelity/ It's men and women doing it. What to do instead? Accept the following. 0) To actually fall in love you have to meet people in person who are receptive. 1.) Dating is a competition to get the most desirable mate. There will be competition at all times. 2.) Over the age of about 25 or so, everyone who is even marginally desirable will be taken. 3.) ergo you need to be willing to meet impress, persuade and win over people . Show them why they should choose you over the others, even if they have known the other for a while. Sitting in front of a computer will not result in a relationship. _____ What do you know your "lonely"? Don't read too much into a screen name. Those in the know know I'm not even actually a Mr. Edited February 11, 2012 by HeavenOrHell
phineas Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) I do agree with Mr a bit. OLD is a crutch, an easy way out... it's gonna turn into the whole texting vs talking on the phone thing... "I am not good on the phone, just text me".... "I am not good approaching in real life, I'll just do it online". I dunno, I think it's fine if you approach IRL and online, but if you rely solely on OLD, that seems meh. I tried OLD because all the places I normally meet women my own age are closed up for the winter & it got my friends wives off my back. LOL! But, women still show more interest in me in real life than online. I don't know if the women my age are there because their just too picky & hoping to find that which doesn't exist online or what. Considering all the creeps & weirdo's women do wind up meeting online I guess it does bother me a little that In a month i've yet to get a meet & i'm not a creep or a weirdo & in shape. LOL! 'eh My 3 months are paid, i'm going to use them. Edited February 11, 2012 by phineas
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 I don't know why some folks thing the data I cite says that no one ever meets online. Did I say that? No. The studies show that meeting on line is, at best, equal to meeting at a bar. Which means that for allot of people they do allot worse for it. If OLD worked for you and your living the dream then your one of the lucky ones. That's all.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 If OLD worked for you and your living the dream then your one of the lucky ones. That's all. If by "lucky" you mean I've figured out how to work around the disadvantages, then yea, I'm lucky. But that's not what you're trying to imply. It's not luck if it's consistently repeatable.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Enigmatic. If you are someone who's on there serial dating that's different. Guys like you are the reason women should not bother with online dating. Mr "consistently repeatable". I'm talking to people who are looking not for consistently repeatable success. I'm talking about people who are looking for an SO. They want to date online for three to six months, meet some people, and fall for one long term.
aj22one Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 If by "lucky" you mean I've figured out how to work around the disadvantages, then yea, I'm lucky. But that's not what you're trying to imply. It's not luck if it's consistently repeatable. Eh, OLD works for some people and not others. I tried it didn't do well with it. I do fairly well offline though so it doesn't matter. For the average person though OLD can be a struggle.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 If you are someone who's on there serial dating that's different. Guys like you are the reason women should not bother with online dating. Mr "consistently repeatable". I'm talking to people who are looking not for consistently repeatable success. I'm talking about people who are looking for an SO. They want to date online for three to six months, meet some people, and fall for one long term. I'm not serial dating, but the fact that you assumed I am is consistent with your overall negative attitude. By consistent success I mean that when I've been between long-term relationships I've been able to find people online. I couldn't at first--it took me three or four months to learn to use it well--but after that, I learned how to distinguish myself from other men and present myself well to women. But let's say that I was a serial dater. How does my ability to use the medium well somehow support your hypothesis that online dating isn't worthwhile? Whether you're looking for casual or long-term, the same methods should work for either situation, shouldn't they? Not seeing why they shouldn't.
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Enigmatic. If you are someone who's on there serial dating that's different. Guys like you are the reason women should not bother with online dating. Mr "consistently repeatable". I'm talking to people who are looking not for consistently repeatable success. I'm talking about people who are looking for an SO. They want to date online for three to six months, meet some people, and fall for one long term. Seriously, it's called seek out people that are explicit about their intentions. And be upfront about what YOU want out of the experience.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Eh, OLD works for some people and not others. I tried it didn't do well with it. I do fairly well offline though so it doesn't matter. For the average person though OLD can be a struggle. Definitely true--but I can definitely say it isn't luck. I hated it at first myself until I figured out why I wasn't getting much contact.
kaylan Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Ten days ago I went on a date with a girl from match, and we've been on three other dates since. We've been intimate, and there's a huge amount of attraction. She's spending the night this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. If I were a betting man, I'm betting I'm not single in a few weeks' time. Just saying. Good job dude. I might have to give the pay sites a try one day. People seem to put more effort into meeting someone they like on pay sites since they dont want their money to go to waste. Ill admit I get lazy with the free sites myself, and that the quality of women does seem to be a different compared to the girls my best friend has found on match. Dont let the haters get to you. Stories like yours is proof online dating is another useful means to an end.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Originally Posted by laotzu Ten days ago I went on a date with a girl from match, and we've been on three other dates since. We've been intimate, and there's a huge amount of attraction. She's spending the night this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. If I were a betting man, I'm betting I'm not single in a few weeks' time. Just saying. You like each other, your relationship is moving forward; it's already a success story regardless of how long it lasts. I think that OLD is a very valid option for a lot of people, and that the OP's absolute claims, especially this: Unless a woman is close to 5' 6" 36 (32D) 24 36 125lbs or a man is a 45 regular and 6' or more don't bother. If you are a man making $40,000 or a woman with a BMI of 26 or more (1/2 of all Americans), don't bother. If you are an honest forthright person who can't stand the deceptions that are now standard OLD procedure, don't bother. are just sad and bogus. Online dating is just a way that some people get together these days. People who have serious difficulties connecting with potential dates or mates in general are not going to have a better time of it online, probably. Sure, it has its downsides and potential for misuse. No doubt it's easier to "play" with large numbers of clueless people from your computer than it is in the physical world. If we want to talk about that, it might be a good discussion, but to proclaim that OLD dating is a "waste of time," especially to a group of people that includes many who have had good results with it, is …
phineas Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I don't know why some folks thing the data I cite says that no one ever meets online. Did I say that? No. The studies show that meeting on line is, at best, equal to meeting at a bar. Which means that for allot of people they do allot worse for it. If OLD worked for you and your living the dream then your one of the lucky ones. That's all. LS is a small subset of the general public. I agree with you. you're article isn't saying people don't meet online. I personally know far more people who had a poor experience doing OLD. For men it was not getting dates. For women it was not finding a guy they were interested in.
drew123 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Hey Mylonelyone...you seemed determined to be single. The world is not black and white. I know others that have had success dating online, including myself. I've dated quite a few women that I met online, and all of them were genuinely nice people. It's simply a numbers game. I finally met the right woman and we've been together for 4 months. We're both divorced and are in the same place in life. She was great catch 20 years ago, and she's a great catch today. (We're both in our 40's.) My advice to anyone dating online is to make your profile as honest and heartfelt as possible. Just be yourself. There's a saying that works well for me - Be the person that you want to attract. Good luck to you Mylonelyone. 1
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 There's a saying that works well for me - Be the person that you want to attract. That's signature material right there
Sith Apprentice Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) Online dating sucks for most guys and always will. You've got too many men getting no replies and too few women being bombarded with messages. Online dating eventually corrupts them and they get big headed. If you can photoshop some muscles onto you, you better do it. You need to get them off the internet quickly. They've got way too many options, even if they're missing teeth! Online dating is all about the looks and money. Go shirtless if you got abs, and I've seen successful guys who flash cash in their pics land dates off these sites with no problems. Whoever said women don't respond well to these qualities is a bull$h*tter to the 5th power! 90% of them are serial daters, attention wh0res, and players. Even if they weren't before, online dating corrupts them. "I'm new to online dating!" = Another one swallowed into the gutter. You'll hear stories about two star crossed lovers who met on match.com, but these stories are the far exception and not the rule. Remember, For every guy who falls in love online there are a dozen guys who aren't getting any responses at all. If you happen to get a girl off a dating website, don't let your guard down. They are more then likely still in contact with dozens of guys from it. Most are already in relationships to begin with. Hell, some are even on multiple dating sites that you don't even know about! They are still being contacted by dozens of guys in hopes of female companionship. 90% of them lie on their profiles. Professions are twisted to make them some kind of "professional" female. Many list "no kids" and "non-smoker", but justify it with "I only smoke when I drink" or other bs excuses. They also lie about their age after they turn 35. Pay sites are usually better because low value women can't afford pay sites anyway and there's usually a more equiatable ratio of men to women. AW's won't use a pay site either. On the free sites you get the AW time wasters who throw up a profile for validation and have no intentions of meeting anyone offline, the town wh0re who's riding the carousel every night, the delusional woman who posts a profile with a 15 point bullet list "I only date men over 6 feet tall, with 6 pack abs, and makes over 100k per year, preference given to men with motorcycles." I can't imagine any guy with half a brain going on POF to look for a girlfriend. I think men are finally wising up to POF. I suspect that POF as we know it today is in its last days. Either it soon changes to a pay-for or it shuts down. Edited February 11, 2012 by Sith Apprentice
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Hey Mylonelyone...you seemed determined to be single. The world is not black and white. I know others that have had success dating online, including myself. I've dated quite a few women that I met online, and all of them were genuinely nice people. Good luck to you Mylonelyone. None of this has any bearing on me personally. Drew, I am a transgender woman. (meaning I am a biological male who lives as a woman) Mostly I am into men. When it comes to men, well to be honest, there was a time in my life where men regularly paid me for sex. I haven't had to do that for years though. Suffice it to say I have no problem finding Mr's right or maybe just Mr tonite. Ok . I can be attracted to women if I get to know a woman and really like things about her beyond her body. (Which does nothing for me.) Lifetime there have been The relationships I came here to ask about were with one woman I had known for years and years on and off, and another I had just met and got to know. Rather than come out as transgender in a place that may not be safe I chose for myself the name and persona Mrlonelyone. So you see this is not about me. I'm not some bitter lonely guy looking for a nice christian woman to have 2.2 children with and a suburban dream house. I'm a transgender woman who would like nothing better than to find a man who's cool with using my sister as a surrogate mother when the time comes. (Or though it's far less likely as I don't find too many women worthy, a really magnificent woman could do.) This is about all the people who come here week after week and complain about how online dating has hurt them. They get told how freakish that makes them how they just need to try harder. In this thread I'm here to say their not wierd. They should just abandon this medium and get out and meet people.
soserious1 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 @fit chick No, that's not what anyone is saying. Only that Online dating is at best, equal to going to a bar. For many reasons, like body language, meeting in person is soo much better. Especially for people who are less than "perfect". OLD sites allow us to hit many "bars" from the comfort of our homes. The key to success IMHO is to quickly decide if you want to meet a person or not & if they stall about meeting to be willing to drop them & move onto the next. The people I've seen who've had negative OLD sites tend to get into lengthy, email type romances, investing weeks,months of time into a person they've never met. Often they end up disappointed when the meeting either never happens or if the person they meet doesn't live up to the romantic version they imagined.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 OLD sites allow us to hit many "bars" from the comfort of our homes. The key to success IMHO is to quickly decide if you want to meet a person or not & if they stall about meeting to be willing to drop them & move onto the next. The people I've seen who've had negative OLD sites tend to get into lengthy, email type romances, investing weeks,months of time into a person they've never met. Often they end up disappointed when the meeting either never happens or if the person they meet doesn't live up to the romantic version they imagined. Yes there are the people who get in lengthly email interactions and such. The bigger issue I have seen people speak of here is that a meeting never comes. As soon as the issue of a meeting is raised they loose contact. That happens too much, to too many different people for it not to mean something.
ThaWholigan Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I've been on and off of POF for the last 2 years and have yet to meet anyone, so OLD isn't really working for me so much. I think my messaging leaves a lot to be desired probably.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I've been on and off of POF for the last 2 years and have yet to meet anyone, so OLD isn't really working for me so much. I think my messaging leaves a lot to be desired probably. Yeah. I deleted my Okcupid profile and just stopped signing into POF a while ago. It wasn't working out for me either. I've had people on here critique my profile before but I got wildly differing views on it. Some liked it and some outright hated it so...
phineas Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Yes there are the people who get in lengthly email interactions and such. The bigger issue I have seen people speak of here is that a meeting never comes. As soon as the issue of a meeting is raised they loose contact. That happens too much, to too many different people for it not to mean something. This. After week or two of emails I suggest a meet & *poof*. Kind of annoying because either they are bored or you feel like they think your plan is to murder/rape them instead of just meeting them in a very public place for a drink. you know, the same place she see's lots of other men. LOL!
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 POF is the worst of the sites in terms of the quality of people on it. It's far better than Craigslist, which is the dregs, but it's worse than most of the others. OKCupid has the best site software and features, but it just doesn't have enough people on it. Match is by far my favorite...I presume having to pay money motivates people to decide more quickly and put more effort into their profile and weeds out a lot of less-desirable people.
phineas Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Online dating sucks for most guys and always will. You've got too many men getting no replies and too few women being bombarded with messages. Online dating eventually corrupts them and they get big headed. If you can photoshop some muscles onto you, you better do it. You need to get them off the internet quickly. They've got way too many options, even if they're missing teeth! Online dating is all about the looks and money. Go shirtless if you got abs, and I've seen successful guys who flash cash in their pics land dates off these sites with no problems. Whoever said women don't respond well to these qualities is a bull$h*tter to the 5th power! 90% of them are serial daters, attention wh0res, and players. Even if they weren't before, online dating corrupts them. "I'm new to online dating!" = Another one swallowed into the gutter. You'll hear stories about two star crossed lovers who met on match.com, but these stories are the far exception and not the rule. Remember, For every guy who falls in love online there are a dozen guys who aren't getting any responses at all. If you happen to get a girl off a dating website, don't let your guard down. They are more then likely still in contact with dozens of guys from it. Most are already in relationships to begin with. Hell, some are even on multiple dating sites that you don't even know about! They are still being contacted by dozens of guys in hopes of female companionship. 90% of them lie on their profiles. Professions are twisted to make them some kind of "professional" female. Many list "no kids" and "non-smoker", but justify it with "I only smoke when I drink" or other bs excuses. They also lie about their age after they turn 35. Pay sites are usually better because low value women can't afford pay sites anyway and there's usually a more equiatable ratio of men to women. AW's won't use a pay site either. On the free sites you get the AW time wasters who throw up a profile for validation and have no intentions of meeting anyone offline, the town wh0re who's riding the carousel every night, the delusional woman who posts a profile with a 15 point bullet list "I only date men over 6 feet tall, with 6 pack abs, and makes over 100k per year, preference given to men with motorcycles." I can't imagine any guy with half a brain going on POF to look for a girlfriend. I think men are finally wising up to POF. I suspect that POF as we know it today is in its last days. Either it soon changes to a pay-for or it shuts down. POF is horrible in my area unless you are young & have abs. Serious. Or if you don't mind larger women.
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