Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 Kaylan. The phrase "no better than" means the same thing as "less than or equal to".
kaylan Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) ^When people use the phrase "no better than" they usually mean something is on par with, but not better than something else. When people mean one thing is worse than something else, they explicitly state it. Either way, based on your definition of the phrase, my previous statements are stand firm. "less than or equal to" means something is either "less than" OR it is "equal to". The word "OR" implies one of those options can be selected. Not both. Therefore, when you said: They said it is..... No better than.... meeting in a bar. That is not the same as equal to meeting in a bar. you ended up contradicting yourself. Your most recent post agrees with what I said before. Just a few posts up I was saying that online dating was equal to the bar crawl. Edited February 10, 2012 by kaylan
El Brujo Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I say this all the time about online dating. Just don't bother with it, especially if you're a guy since the numbers are so skewed. Yeah yeah some people do end up meeting (or marrying) great people they met online, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. Exactly. It's like spam's positive twin... there's always that one idiot who clicks on that button and thinks he's really buying a bottle of V14gr4 who keeps the whole system going. The people who invented OLD years ago probably didn't realize it, but they were screwing with a paradigm. They simply assumed women would allofasudden change their centuries-old behavior, and start making the first move at least half the time. That was how OLD was supposed to work. But "supposed to" is a phrase which has no meaning here in the real world, and, well... look at the unusable mess OLD has become. Now it's only a money-mill to make webmasters rich. And even that may not last much longer, given how many of us have defected to meetup groups... of course, you'll always have real-life trolls who tried meetups and got hounded out of them for being jerks... that's why OLD will never die out completely. It will be like General Electric's stock, as flat as Nebraska.
AD1980 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 It depends whos using it As a man whos only around 5'8 i might as well write that im a pedophile because it would be the same reaction and result from women online ive given up on it
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 @ AD1980 I understand your situation. I knew a man who was short back when I was in college. He was the biggest ladies man in that small town. Why? Because people could see and get to know his real life persona. They could see that he was a good fun guy to be around. Then being short wasn't a huge deal. However in online dating women (men to a much lesser degree) have these checklist of things they want. Must be 6" taller than me, must make $XX more than me etc etc etc. Men on the other hand will be so visual about OLD and only go for a hot picture no matter what her profile says. Unless a woman is close to 5' 6" 36 (32D) 24 36 125lbs or a man is a 45 regular and 6' or more don't bother. If you are a man making $40,000 or a woman with a BMI of 26 or more (1/2 of all Americans), don't bother. If you are an honest forthright person who can't stand the deceptions that are now standard OLD procedure, don't bother. I don't doubt one can find gold in online dating... but how much dirt do you have to sift to get it compared to going to the corner bar on a Friday nite?
Sith Apprentice Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 @ AD1980 I understand your situation. I knew a man who was short back when I was in college. He was the biggest ladies man in that small town. Why? Because people could see and get to know his real life persona. They could see that he was a good fun guy to be around. Then being short wasn't a huge deal. However in online dating women (men to a much lesser degree) have these checklist of things they want. Must be 6" taller than me, must make $XX more than me etc etc etc. OLD is a sausagefest. The bar scene is a sausagefest. If you're below average height or even slightly overweight you won't get any responses from ladies online. Most online dating sites are filled with women with overinflated egos. You'll get 5's thinking they're 10's because she can pull a good looking guy with low standards for a pump and dump session and then she'll whine on forums like this because that guy doesn't want a relationship.
FitChick Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 And before online dating was invented, everyone who dated in real life met the person of their dreams and lived happily ever after.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 @fit chick No, that's not what anyone is saying. Only that Online dating is at best, equal to going to a bar. For many reasons, like body language, meeting in person is soo much better. Especially for people who are less than "perfect".
FitChick Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 @fit chick No, that's not what anyone is saying. Only that Online dating is at best, equal to going to a bar. Except it's safer than going to a bar because no one can follow you home.
AD1980 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 @ AD1980 I understand your situation. I knew a man who was short back when I was in college. He was the biggest ladies man in that small town. Why? Because people could see and get to know his real life persona. They could see that he was a good fun guy to be around. Then being short wasn't a huge deal. However in online dating women (men to a much lesser degree) have these checklist of things they want. Must be 6" taller than me, must make $XX more than me etc etc etc. Men on the other hand will be so visual about OLD and only go for a hot picture no matter what her profile says. Unless a woman is close to 5' 6" 36 (32D) 24 36 125lbs or a man is a 45 regular and 6' or more don't bother. If you are a man making $40,000 or a woman with a BMI of 26 or more (1/2 of all Americans), don't bother. If you are an honest forthright person who can't stand the deceptions that are now standard OLD procedure, don't bother. I don't doubt one can find gold in online dating... but how much dirt do you have to sift to get it compared to going to the corner bar on a Friday nite? I agree my only problem when i go to bars is that i have trouble doing cold approaches where i approach women i dont know.. I figured online dating would be better for me because if i can build a rapport with a women first for a kind of shy guy like me it would make it easier for when we first meet because at least therye's soemthing to go on with some knowledge of that person and who they are.. But as we said with online daitng you have to pass all the numbers and checklists first which is hard to do..
El Brujo Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 It depends whos using it As a man whos only around 5'8 i might as well write that im a pedophile because it would be the same reaction and result from women online ive given up on it Try being 6'6" sometime. The only difference is I get more cross-eyed stares.
Saxis Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 If everyone changed their expectations about OLD, I don't think there would be this problem with it. I think the majority of people try it with the idea that they will accept nothing but perfection, or near perfection. It certainly doesn't work that way in real life. You interact with people all the time, even the ones you are not initially interested in a romantic relationship with. And a lot of time, it's these people we actually do end up in relationships with. That kind of dynamic has no chance of happening with OLD. I don't know the statistics, but I'm willing to bet most relationships start through networking of friends/family/work etc... Not cold approaches, which is essentially what OLD is. After trying it a few times and having very minimal success with it, I know I'd do it differently. That is, if I wasn't already in a relationship with a woman I met online, albeit a very complicated one. We both went in with very low expectations, never really thought we were each others' ideal mate, but we were compatible on screen. We just started talking, then dating and we fell in love with each other. It's just too bad that we are now having to step back for awhile due to her estranged X, who decided he didn't like the idea of her moving on... It works... You just have to get your mind away from "finding the perfect match" and just start meeting people.
TheFinalWord Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I've only been on match.com a month. But I just meet women who want to e-mail for a few weeks then *poof* on me. I got one i'm txting & talked to once but she either isn't sure, being cautious or just not that into me because she is very sporatic. Then again she didn't grow up in the U.S. so who knows. Otherwise, I'm not sure what the women my age on match.com are looking for, but it doesn't appear to be me. LOL! oh well, 2 more months left on my subscription. with V-day next week i'm curious to see how many winks I get this weekend. I can relate. My most recent was girl I talked on the phone with for over 60 hours. When we met in real life she said she knew in 5 minutes there was no chemistry... All of that investment was discounted immediately. Then once the girl has made up her mind the rest of the 6 hour date she gave me no chance. Pretty annoying. In general I think online dating helps to create a new dating culture that disrespects people and is cold. Think about all of the online dating websites... they are set up like a game. You get to step one and you send pre-canned questions... get to step two and send likes/dislikes... get to set three and we let you type some text... get to step ten and you pass go and get to send unlimited text! You have multiple players... each person can have an unlimited number of potential dates... and you get to track their progress! Ah... it looks like Billy Bob isn't going to make... he's only on step two... just click close and "other" and you're done with that one. All of this just desensitizes the fact that these are real people. These are real people with real lives and beating hearts. To keep someone in limbo is worse than letting the other know it's over. Have the decency to at least call and talk to the other "game piece" as a person! Especially, if you've had a long correspondence with that person. Once again... another example of how technology fosters the loss of the human touch through automation of romance.
FitChick Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I can relate. My most recent was girl I talked on the phone with for over 60 hours. When we met in real life she said she knew in 5 minutes there was no chemistry... Did you have a lot of clear, recent photos?
TheFinalWord Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Did you have a lot of clear, recent photos? Definitely, about a dozen! Not professionally done or even close to my best pics. I also saw her check me out several times. So I don't think it was that. Plus I asked friends to look at my profile to see if it was an accurate representation. I should add she was much heavier than the pictures she uploaded. But like I've been saying in my threads I was willing to overlook it b/c I thought we were so compatible and she wasn't obese or anything. I think I didn't know her nearly as well as I thought. I think in general people can make themselves something they're not on-line and over the phone. My guess is she had another guy she was more interested in lined up. Who knows. I think the "chemistry" issue is often a line used. I try to be honest with a person if we make it that far. I'm not bitter about it though so I don't want to give that impression. I just think it's better to meet sooner rather than later. Save time. I'm very business minded so when I feel I invest a lot of time I want some return on it! lol
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I'm very business minded so when I feel I invest a lot of time I want some return on it! lol Then this should make perfect sense--don't invest much time before a first meet. I send 3-4 emails at most, then some sort of real-time chat, then the date. Suppress the urge to crush before a date--it's unrealistic, either of you could feel no attraction once you meet in person. I've had several similar situations to the one you described except it went the opposite way--I knew fairly quickly it wasn't going to work, I wasn't attracted even though I had seen plenty of pictures.
TheFinalWord Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Then this should make perfect sense--don't invest much time before a first meet. I send 3-4 emails at most, then some sort of real-time chat, then the date. Suppress the urge to crush before a date--it's unrealistic, either of you could feel no attraction once you meet in person. I've had several similar situations to the one you described except it went the opposite way--I knew fairly quickly it wasn't going to work, I wasn't attracted even though I had seen plenty of pictures. Thanks for the advice. I have learned that the hard way
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Unless a woman is close to 5' 6" 36 (32D) 24 36 125lbs or a man is a 45 regular and 6' or more don't bother. If you are a man making $40,000 or a woman with a BMI of 26 or more (1/2 of all Americans), don't bother. If you are an honest forthright person who can't stand the deceptions that are now standard OLD procedure, don't bother. Except … there are hundreds and hundreds of examples in real life that refute this. By all means, don't bother with online dating. Not because of an article you read, but because you don't like it. If somebody feels like doing it, they should definitely bother with it. I'm very happy I did. So is my (5'8") husband. It's just another potential way of meeting people that happened to work for quite a few of us.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Except … there are hundreds and hundreds of examples in real life that refute this.. Vs thousands and thousands who confirm it. Jeez the way some of you all reacted to this I would think you own stock in an OLD site.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Vs thousands and thousands who confirm it. Jeez the way some of you all reacted to this I would think you own stock in an OLD site. I think we react that way because you are making a blanket recommendation for one and all not to "bother" when many members of your audience have had success personally. It doesn't matter how many people in magazine articles confirm your "data." Knowing one or two people in real life who had success with OLD is powerful. And most of us know more than one or two. I don't even LIKE it, at all. I heartily agree that it's not for everyone and that if it makes you feel like crap and it doesn't work for you, you should not go there. But, I met my husband that way. I also had another fairly long sort-of boyfriend I met that way. I'm old, not a hottie, etc. He's old, short, a bastard, etc. So obviously, lots of us who can stand it should bother.
laotzu Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Ten days ago I went on a date with a girl from match, and we've been on three other dates since. We've been intimate, and there's a huge amount of attraction. She's spending the night this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. If I were a betting man, I'm betting I'm not single in a few weeks' time. Just saying.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Ten days ago I went on a date with a girl from match, and we've been on three other dates since. We've been intimate, and there's a huge amount of attraction. She's spending the night this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. If I were a betting man, I'm betting I'm not single in a few weeks' time. Just saying. I'll bet you $5 US to be paid by pay pal that she either. Has a boyfriend/husband. Goes poof on you within 3 weeks time. Finds some other reason for it not to work out...then you find out about the boyfriend or husband. I'll even take your word for it. It's just five dollars.
laotzu Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I'll bet you $5 US to be paid by pay pal that she either. Has a boyfriend/husband. Goes poof on you within 3 weeks time. Finds some other reason for it not to work out...then you find out about the boyfriend or husband. I'll even take your word for it. It's just five dollars. Haha, I'm sorry you're so bitter. I've slept with a few girls from online, dated a few others, and I've broken up with all of them. Hands down, every single one of them, I've ended. If I get to sleep with this girl for a few weeks and then poofs on me, I'll survive. I hope not, but I'd be okay with it. I don't think that's going to happen. You may not be meant to date. Find a mission, and work towards it.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Who's bitter? You said you wanted to make a bet so I'm willing to bet you. Or are you not so sure? Also don't read so much into the screen name. Loneliness can be most deep when one is in the physical (even sexual) presence of another but not feeling a real connection.
veggirl Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I do agree with Mr a bit. OLD is a crutch, an easy way out... it's gonna turn into the whole texting vs talking on the phone thing... "I am not good on the phone, just text me".... "I am not good approaching in real life, I'll just do it online". I dunno, I think it's fine if you approach IRL and online, but if you rely solely on OLD, that seems meh.
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