jobaba Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) I saw a post this morning on the subject of initial versus cumulative physical attraction, one of countless threads on the subject and I thought I'd chime in. So ... what is 'natural' for us as homosapiens? Is it natural for us to only be with someone who we find hot in the first few seconds? In my opinion, it is not. I laugh when people categorize those of the opposite sex so instantly and strictly. This guy is cute, but not handsome, this guy is not cute at all and can never be. This woman is sexy but not pretty. LMFAO! We are mammals and our faces are only the way our skin is shaped around our skull. What separates us from the rest of the fauna is our ability to communicate, develop endearing personalities, and deep compatibilities. And that pinnacle is developing attraction for persons based on their inner qualities ... and being able to see a woman as pretty who you might not have been overwhelmed with in the beginning. We all develop our rules for attraction based on how we were raised and what we were exposed to from society. If your parents threw all kinds of ugly/beautiful people mumbo jumbo at you and your mother gushed over all the hot actors of her day, chances are ... you are going to put a lot of stock in physical attraction. Chances are, if you are good looking, you will probably will too and the inverse. However, there is no natural course... -If you were born blind, then you would care if you were dating Megan Fox or someone much less attractive? -What about her? http://www.aboutlizzie.com/ Does she deserve never to find love because of the genetic lottery? Is that natural? What if she was an unbelievable person? Sweet, caring, smart. Is she just f@cked? That's natural?!? Attraction is a choice and everybody is free to choose at what level they cut off others of the desirable sex. But, in my opinion, that is most definitely YOUR choice. Edited February 9, 2012 by jobaba
Saxis Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I know for me, attraction can build over time if I don't find a person "hot" right away. I've actually never started a relationship with someone I thought was extremely attractive initially. I worked with my XW for a couple years before I even considered her "dating material". Couple months for the XGF, although I never really did become super attracted to her. What attraction I did have died when I realized it would never work, even though I still loved her as a person. Current girl, who I met online, I thought was just "cute" on her profile (aside from one picture, which I thought was quite attractive) and the first date or two, but as we got to know each other and took it physical, I think she's gorgeous and I wouldn't trade her looks for anyone. The chemistry you have with a person can do crazy things to your mind...
iris219 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Studies have found that people tend to find other people of equal attractiveness attractive. It makes sense from a biological standpoint that average looking people are genuinely attracted to other average looking people. Not every below average couple feels like they settled. I'd say most are attracted to their mates based on looks alone. You're forgetting that attraction is very subjective and complex (especially for women). You cited Megan Fox as an example of what you deemed universal attractive. I absolutely disagree that this the case. I don't what the big deal about her is and I know plenty of guys who feel the same way. I see prettier women about and about everyday. Attraction isn't a choice in that if I'm so repulsed by a guy that the thought of him touching me makes my skin crawl, I can't choose to be attracted to him no matter how sweet he is. I agree that there are standards of beauty, but that doesn't mean anyone who doesn't fit the Hollywood stereotype is doomed to never have anyone find them attractive. You'd be surprised how many different types of men women find attractive. It's actually a broad range.
Cypress25 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Oh please, there's no such thing as "natural attraction" for the entire species. Each individual person is perfectly capable of deciding who they are attracted to. They don't need rules, they don't need a certain upbringing, and they certainly don't need to be told that their preferences are unnatural. Like iris219 said, attraction is not a choice. It's a feeling. You either feel attracted to someone or you don't. You can't force it. If attraction were a choice, then sexual orientation would also be a choice. People could just choose if they wanted to be attracted to men or women, or both. But it doesn't work that way. Personally, I don't have any rules for attraction. When I meet someone, I know if I'm attracted to him or not because I can feel it. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it develops gradually over time. It's not up to you to decide if it's natural or unnatural, because my feelings are perfectly natural to me. You can't go around telling people that their feelings are unnatural.
Author jobaba Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 You're forgetting that attraction is very subjective and complex (especially for women). You cited Megan Fox as an example of what you deemed universal attractive. I absolutely disagree that this the case. I don't what the big deal about her is and I know plenty of guys who feel the same way. I see prettier women about and about everyday. I can't even begin to tell you how much bullsh*t that is. There was a hot woman who I worked with at my last job who EVERY single guy was attracted to and every single woman thought was hot. If Megan Fox worked there, every guy there would have thought she was hot too. There is some variation among what people find attractive, yes. But it is set within certain limits. Oh please, there's no such thing as "natural attraction" for the entire species. Each individual person is perfectly capable of deciding who they are attracted to. Personally, I don't have any rules for attraction. When I meet someone, I know if I'm attracted to him or not because I can feel it. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it develops gradually over time. It's not up to you to decide if it's natural or unnatural, because my feelings are perfectly natural to me. You can't go around telling people that their feelings are unnatural. If you read the last sentence of my post, you would see I don't disagree with you. Furthermore, you can define your attraction sense be within the first few seconds of meeting someone, or you can define your attraction to be based completely on inner qualities of the person of interest, eschewing the exterior. But that is YOUR choice. That was the point of the post... Attraction is a choice.
Cypress25 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Furthermore, you can define your attraction sense be within the first few seconds of meeting someone, or you can define your attraction to be based completely on inner qualities of the person of interest, eschewing the exterior. But that is YOUR choice. That was the point of the post... I don't think it's possible to ignore the exterior when determining romantic attraction. The inner qualities are important too, but unless you're blind, your partner's physical appearance has an effect on you. It can't be helped. It's not a choice. If you're drawn to someone because of their looks, you can't help it. If you're repulsed by someone because of their looks, you can't help it. The only way to ignore it is to wear blindfolds. You can't choose your feelings. You can't choose what your attraction is based on. It's not possible to control that. If you could control that, you could simply choose not to be attracted to Megan Fox. Good luck with that.
iris219 Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) I can't even begin to tell you how much bullsh*t that is. There was a hot woman who I worked with at my last job who EVERY single guy was attracted to and every single woman thought was hot. If Megan Fox worked there, every guy there would have thought she was hot too. There is some variation among what people find attractive, yes. But it is set within certain limits. Just because a person is traditionally attractive (whatever that really means), doesn’t mean the whole world will be attracted to them. If you read the last sentence of my post, you would see I don't disagree with you. Furthermore, you can define your attraction sense be within the first few seconds of meeting someone, or you can define your attraction to be based completely on inner qualities of the person of interest, eschewing the exterior. But that is YOUR choice. That was the point of the post... Attraction is a choice. Are you saying you can choose to ignore the fact that you don’t find someone physically attractive? And by choosing to ignore this, you can still somehow develop romantic feelings and have a healthy relationship, all without physical attraction? I don’t understand how that is possible. Or, are you saying that you can choose to focus on other qualities and hope physical attraction grows? If attraction does happen over time, I still don’t see how that’s a choice. Edited February 11, 2012 by iris219
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